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AIBU?

Non Anniversaries.

31 replies

BSites · 11/10/2015 00:13

To think that people who tell you that it's their 15th or whatever anniversary when they are no longer married are odd.

Understandable if they're widowed, but not when they have divorced and even remarried sometimes.

One woman I know does this regularly, in a "I've been married longer than you" sort of way.

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BubsandMoo · 11/10/2015 00:16

Well, it's still the anniversary of the wedding, even if the marriage ended.

Sounds like you have other issues with this woman you know!

EternalDalmatian · 11/10/2015 00:18

My parents are separated (not divorced) and they still celebrate their anniversary each year. I still get them a card a present, as do the rest of the family. There is zero chance that they will ever get back together, but they're on very good terms and still like to mark the day.

reman · 11/10/2015 00:19

That is odd and not something I have come across myself!

scatterthenuns · 11/10/2015 00:28

One woman I know does this regularly, in a "I've been married longer than you" sort of way.

Respond with 'well its quality, not quantity - we're still together'

BubsandMoo · 11/10/2015 00:28

I guess it's like marking someone's birthday after they've died - I think it's ok to mourn what might have been. There's probably a lot of emotion attached to it for people who do this. Noone gets married expecting to get divorced.

BubsandMoo · 11/10/2015 00:30

scatter- that's a horrible suggestion. How goady.

Jackie0 · 11/10/2015 00:31

I imagine she will stop counting if she remarries

scatterthenuns · 11/10/2015 00:42

I take it that my sarcasm didn't translate through screen. Shame.

I kinda do stand by it though. What use is being married longer if you've broken up?

grumpysquash · 11/10/2015 01:10

I think it's a bit odd - I always understood a wedding anniversary to mean years of marriage not just the number of years since the wedding date.

Eternal I'm really curious. Why do your parents like to celebrate their wedding anniversary if they have chosen to be apart, effectively dissolving the marriage, even if they aren't actually divorced?

I do have a lot of empathy for anyone who says 'it's ten years since I got married' - not the same as claiming an anniversary, more wanting to recognise that the marriage was once there....

CallMeExhausted · 11/10/2015 01:23

When the anniversary of my first marriage passes, I definitely think of it. However, I do not celebrate it or acknowledge it in any way.

In all honesty, the anniversary of my decree nisi gives me pause as well.

More of a "what if" than anything else... we married young. I changed, he didn't.

But then again... I also send him best wishes on his anniversary with his new wife. Life is too short to hold grudges.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 11/10/2015 01:25

Do people really do this?! It's so clearly not an wedding anniversary anymore if you've split up. That's bonkers. It's like my telling you that my beloved childhood pet dog Charlotte is now 52.

HerRoyalNotness · 11/10/2015 01:27

I'm like callme. At the date I'm a bit, wtf, I would have been married how long?? A friend has the same date as their anniversary so at least it is useful to remember their happiness.

mileend2bermondsey · 11/10/2015 01:29

My parents are separated (not divorced) and they still celebrate their anniversary each year. I still get them a card a present, as do the rest of the family

I find that really bizzare

EternalDalmatian · 11/10/2015 01:45

Grumpy - I think, after 30 years of marriage they got to a point when they just couldn't live together anymore. They argued and fought for a few months, and split in a hailstorm of screaming and fighting, which was horrible for me and my siblings (all as adults).

As soon as my dad got his own flat, they were pretty much best buds and on much better terms than they had been for years. It's done their relationship the world of good!

My dad at age 60 has had to be self sufficient for the first time ever, which he loves. My mum gets her own space and doesn't feel that she has to look after my dad anymore.

They still see each other at least 3 times a week. They go out for meals, they do mundane things like go shopping together, my dad spends the afternoon gardening (as he doesn't have one) at my mums. It's like they're enjoying dating again without any of the responsibility or obligation. They're very clear that they're split, that they're both single, they refer to each other as 'my ex husband/wife' and neither have any desire to get back together. No hanky panky although i'd rather not think of that anyway , no kissing etc. But they still celebrate their anniversary and spend much of their time together.

It's very strange (or at least I thought so at first) and other people have a hard time wrapping their head around it. But it's also quite sweet and a relief to see them happily together-but-apart!

mileend2bermondsey · 11/10/2015 02:19

Sounds quite nice really put like that. I call take backs on my previous comment!

HerRoyalNotness · 11/10/2015 02:26

eternal sounds so nice actually.

I wish I could have that as a relative young un. Married but living apart, next door semis so I don't have to put up with the drudge. Must be quite invigorating for a relationship actually

AvonleaAnne · 11/10/2015 07:25

It does sound nice but I expect it might become uncomfortable if either of them find a new partner.

HellKitty · 11/10/2015 07:28

My divorce came through on what would have been my anniversary so I'd celebrate that!

abbieanders · 11/10/2015 07:47

I think the date of your marriage will always be significant, even if you do get divorced. It's not something you're likely to forget, so I can't see why mentioning it and even saying, janey, when you think about it, I've been in a marriage all my adult life or whatever.

abbieanders · 11/10/2015 07:47

...is really so odd.

abbieanders · 11/10/2015 07:48

Also, married.

That's up all night with the teething baby.

OfficeGirl1969 · 11/10/2015 08:03

I did comment casually the other day that it would have been mine and XH's silver anniversary. However it was just a comment. Because we are no longer married, and he is a knob

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chelle792 · 11/10/2015 08:10

My Nan is going to celebrate her 60th wedding anniversary this year. My grampy has been dead for nearly 10 years

HellKitty · 11/10/2015 08:16

Hugs to your Nan, Chelle.

I couldn't remember the day I got married but when the papers came I thought, hang on, that sounds familiar..and I was married for ages. I stopped remembering the date on our tenth anniversary. I got a keyring that said 'I love shopping'. Wanker.

greenfolder · 11/10/2015 08:38

I had the opposite. Mentioned once at work that it is our silver wedding anniversary next year (in the context of holidays) and was told by a person that it was nothing to brag about and they would have been married longer than me if they had stayed together. Not a huge amount I could say to that one!

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