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Give me a reason to live

(55 Posts)
FlowersAndShit Sat 10-Oct-15 22:08:26

I'm 25.

I haven't had a friend in over 10 years
I've struggled with social anxiety since I was 7
I've been struggling with depression and agoraphobia since age 13.
I've never had a job
I'm still a virgin
I've never been in a relationship
I have an eating disorder
I'm on the mild end of the autistic spectrum
I'm probably unable to have children
I'm pretty sure I have PTSD
I won the genetic lottery sad

nilbyname Sat 10-Oct-15 22:12:08

You've got your whole life ahead of you. You have your physical health. You're literate. You're thoughtful.

Right now you're a blank slate, what do you want to be? You can do so much!

What are you good at. If money was no barrier, what's your dream job?

You could go and au pair overseas, you could teach English in bora bora. The world is as big or small as you want it to be.

Sleep on it, tomorrow you'll feel a little brighter.

tickleyourpickle Sat 10-Oct-15 22:13:00

Because despite all of the above, your still here, you've survived all this, because your strong, stronger than you think

DoveCazzoEIlMioCaffe Sat 10-Oct-15 22:14:47

I don't doubt your obvious despair but I'd have trouble convincing my 30 year old friend fighting cancer for the third time and desperate to survive that ANY reason to live is needed.
AIBU is probably not the right place for this thread. I hope you get better.

IamtheDevilsAvocado Sat 10-Oct-15 22:15:00

Bloody hell!

Sorry you've so much to deal with...

The sun will still rise tomorrow... Concentrate on doing little steps to make your life better... Anything is better than nothing...

Say a hello to someone local (assuming not an ax murderer!)... Buy yourself something nice to eat... Listen to music you love... Anything is better than doing nothing... Honestly! Just try it!

Please speak to your GP... They can get you the help you need!

Name7 Sat 10-Oct-15 22:15:18

Please call the Samaratins
116 123

It's normal to feel like this sometimes but you need to reach out to those who can help. Best wishes

ciele Sat 10-Oct-15 22:17:05

Everything is within your power. You must seek help from a doctor Asap. Nobody has a perfect time all the time. You have the gift of life-use it and wisely and remember everyone feels bad sometimes x

TheoriginalLEM Sat 10-Oct-15 22:19:30

what do you like?

i like tea and cake. i like dogs. i like stopping and chatting to the neighbourhood cats. ive just discovered i like to run. i love being in bed during the day sometimes.

not much is it but some days that has kept me going.

if you could have a job. what would you like to do? anythibg??

pointythings Sat 10-Oct-15 22:19:36

You are articulate and insightful - your post says as much. Use that insight to find help to make the most of your life, then use the same strength you found to reach out tonight to help others like you. You are not alone, and there is nothing like lived experience as a tool to help others.

I agree with calling the Samaritans as a first step - you deserve help and support. flowers

ThatsNotAKnifeThatsASpoon Sat 10-Oct-15 22:29:49

My 5 year old dd is mildly autistic.

On the one hand your op makes me fearful for her future and whether she will cope as an independent adult, and what will happen when we are gone.

On the other hand, you are clearly well-educated, self-aware and bright. You give me hope even though I know you're feeling very down. I think a lot of young NT adults could have written your post.

I'm sure you have a lot to give the world. I know my dd does despite the disadvantages she was born with.

PaulAnkaTheDog Sat 10-Oct-15 22:38:05

A reason to live?

You can change your life.

You can get a job, make friends, have counselling, find a partner, learn to love yourself and at some point find a way to have children (be it through fertility treatment or other ways).

Don't ever feel that your life is not worth living. It is. You may feel like you have no friends but you have the whole of mumsnet who can be your friends. Who can help you find the strength to have counselling, support you through job interviews and give you advice on how to make friends in person.

I'l help you.

MothertotheLordsofmisrule Sat 10-Oct-15 22:54:23

You're here and posting.

Talk to us - between us we will have an answer. If not we can just have a chat.

I inherited my mums crushing social awkwardness, she once stood outside for half an hour before plucking up the courage to go into a coffee morning at the house of who is now one of her closest friends.
But over time I realised that people in general aren't going to recoil in horror and are genuinely happy to chat - especially about shared interest.

TheSnowFairy Sat 10-Oct-15 23:09:54

25? So much can change. What do you like doing?

mrstweefromtweesville Sat 10-Oct-15 23:11:43

I'm ASD and so are most of my family. We're still here. Life has highs and lows. I'm feeling terribly low right now but last week, even yesterday, was fine.

You'll come round. Just hang on in there. Keep breathing.

coconutpie Sat 10-Oct-15 23:25:33

OP flowers

You're young, you've got a chance now to do what you'd like to do with your life.

No friends in real life? Chat here on mumsnet. You can make friends on here.

Anxiety / depression / ptsd / eating disorder / etc - make an appointment with your GP and get a referral for counselling. Seeing a therapist will help you deal with all of these. It will get better. Look into Mindfulness. There's a good book by Mark Williams on Mindfulness. Join a yoga / meditation class if you feel you can.

Job - what are your skills? What would you like to work as? Are you educated? If not, you can do a course, get some training, do an internship, etc.

Being a virgin / no relationship at 25 - you're still so young! Being a virgin is not a bad thing. The right person for you just hasn't come along yet.

Change is possible, you just need support and hand holding. You've already made some progress by writing down your worries. Tomorrow will be a little better flowers

reman Sat 10-Oct-15 23:35:04

1. get a pet even if it is something tiny and easy? We have a dog and even on the worst days he gives us something to smile about and love each and every day

2. Get a tiny part time job - even jobs I have hated I am still very close with some friends I made there. It may take a few jobs to find people you click with?

3. Online date/chat to guys. If you want to that is. I understand that the older you get the worse it seems to feel that this will be your first relationship. There are many people out there who aren't experienced in relationships and online is where you will meet a big range of people.

4. The friend.. could come from work.. or if you get a puppy and make friends in puppy training classes or some sport like netball (if you liked that at school) orrr an exercise class?

Life won't always seem this tough

FlowersAndShit Sat 10-Oct-15 23:45:56

Thank you all for the replies. I really just need a mentor or someone to help me out with going places until I feel I can do it myself. I'd love to go to some mind support groups but being agoraphobic this is so difficult. I've had years of therapy; the only thing that worked was paying privately for psychotherapy which I had to stop as I could no longer afford it and couldn't get funding for it.

I moved out recenty and would love to get a cat for company. I love cake decorating/sugarcraft and would love to do a course or some classes (I already have an OU degree) but again, I'd struggle to get there. These illnesses are so limiting and isolating - I fucking hate it.

FlowersAndShit Sat 10-Oct-15 23:48:10

And thank you all for giving me hope

nagsandovalballs Sat 10-Oct-15 23:52:10

Try cbt. It's one of the most effective methods of resisting anxiety. It's like reprogramming the mind and works wonders.

Also, start by doing tiny little things. Eg, start by opening a window and resting your elbows on the sill. Then build up to opening the front door and standing in the doorway. Sounds silly, but tiny tiny steps are the best way to tackle the anxiety.

memyselfandaye Sun 11-Oct-15 00:08:40

The one thing that struck me about the list you wrote in your opening post, was that out of all those things there is only one thing you can't do anything about, and thats the autism.

The rest you can do something about, with the right therapy and/or medication.

Life won't come knocking on your door, you won't find friends, a relationship, lose your virginity or have your own family (however you go about it) without being proactive.

You're so young, you can do anything, nothing is impossible.

Do you have any dreams? Anything you really want to do or to have? Doesn't matter how big or small or daft they are, tell us.

abanico Sun 11-Oct-15 00:33:59

OP you are quite similar to me. I work, I don't have agoraphobia, have no idea about my fertility and haven't been diagnosed with and ASD (though some people have been suspicious), but apart from that a lot of what you say is similar to me.

A couple of days ago I just wanted to die as I felt so in pain from feeling lonely and isolated. Some posters here on Chat were extremely kind and helped me through. I still feel absolutely shit but a bit more stable. Don't hesitate to post on MN if you need someone to listen - chances are there will be many who know exactly how you feel, who have been there and care about you feeling better.

I also contacted the Samaritans by email - it's helpful. It's slow, so if you have the courage to call instead it's probably better.

I find it very, very difficult to meet people. it has improved over time but I still can't get close to people however much I try. I used to have crippling shyness - I once went to join a volunteer group and stood outside the door because I was too petrified to go in. Now I am a lot more confident and can manage the basics of meeting people. But it's still really hard as i feel I have got to the point in life where everyone is pretty much set in their ways and not looking for friends or partners at the moment. It's horrible. I

I was a virgin until I was 22.5, not much younger than you are now. I haven't had a proper boyfriend ever, it makes me feel like such a freak. I have tried internet dating and wouldn't recommend it if you are feeling a bit fragile, it can be brutal if you are not feeling thick skinned.

I also love cakes and cats smile. If getting your own cat could be tough with vet bills etc, could you perhaps volunteer to help out with Cats Protection or a similar organisation? My local cat shelter organisations are always looking for people to foster cats, or you could help out at re-homing days or fundraisng events or something like that if and when you feel up to it. You get to meet lots of lovely kitties that way and people, but they are less fun . Having a cat at home for company is wonderful though - if you could manage that it would be a great idea.

Re cakes - I've done a couple of enthusiast courses which are fun but expensive. I would love to do a proper semi-pro one but they'd bankrupt me. I don't know how skilled you are, but if you are beginner-ish you could do what I do and just watch loads of youtube videos and practise skills from that.

The one thing that has really improved things for me, which some other posers have mentioned, is exercise. I used to be really inactive and am the least sporty person ever, but now I do fairly hardcore exercise for 5 or 6 hours a week. It helps clear my head, gives me something to improve upon, it gives me an hour or two away from the monstrous feelings of inadequacy that I have most of the time. It's also made me fairly fit, which I never was before, and my eating disorder has improved a little. The main thing is it is a type of exercise that I absolutely adore - I had a gym membership on and off for a while but never went because it was boring for me. Could you find something that you might like - perhaps yoga, running, dance, cycling? You can start off cheaply - a cheap bike, instruction DVDs or online videos for something like yoga or dance, running or walking which are totally free... and then when things improve, perhaps when you get work and a stable income, you can step it up.

abanico Sun 11-Oct-15 00:37:55

oops excuse my typos, hope that makes sense

20applepies Sun 11-Oct-15 00:39:57

Hi there, please speak to your GP who should be able to direct you to services in your area that should be able to offer you help and support. You are clearly an intelligent and sensitive person and you can have a fullfilling life. I don't know how to post links but a genuinely useful site is Living Life to the Full which is an interactive site. Also Google Dr Claire Weeks, her books and tapes are the best and some are available on Amazon. The tapes are great as it is as if she is speaking to you personally. She also has a DVD of an interview on Pebble Mill, a daytime programme that you are too young to remember. She deals with all aspects of anxiety including agoraphobia. Dr weeks died many years ago but her writings are so relevant. Books by Sue Breton are also very good the titles are Don't Panic and Why Worry. I have worked with many people for whom Dr Weeks' books and tapes have been a lifeline.
Hope this information can be of help to you. Be strong and determined and you will achieve what you are looking for - a job and friends but don't be hard on yourself as it may take a little time but you will be stronger for your achievements.

Mermaidhair Sun 11-Oct-15 00:45:12

I am glad you have posted on heresmile I'm not sure which country you are in but is there any free help with a support worker? I use to do this kind of work, someone to come to your place and take you where you need to go and be. Someone who is just there to help support you and advocate for you. Definitely get a cat! Maybe go to your local shelter and choose one that would otherwise have a crappy life. Do your course, push yourself. You are in a much better situation than many in the world. Could you start a gratitude journal? Start simply, today I am grateful that I have legs. I am able to walk, run, skip and jump. Some people don't have any. flowers Best luck and wishes for you.

Muddlewitch Sun 11-Oct-15 00:55:16

It can get better, just take tiny steps and don't think too far ahead all the time. Think about the next hour, then the next half day, then the next day. You don't have to have it all figured out - no one does.

You mention Mind support groups - is there a peer support service in your local mind? Find out, I work in that sector and they may have a service that links you with a mentor/buddy to support and encourage you until you feel ready to access groups. If you like you can pm me which area you are in and I can try and find out when I am back at work on Monday. Mind have an online forum too -

I agree it would also be worth talking to your GP, lots of areas have services including telephone and online counselling and CBT as well as the face to face support now.

I have been there, and find myself back there some days, but it gets better, I promise it does.

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