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to want to understand why my mum CONTINUALLY sabotages my weight loss efforts?

(175 Posts)
aBrightNewDay Wed 07-Oct-15 17:35:21

And try as I might, I am not strong enough to resist.

Every time I say I am doing well on my diet, she turns up at my door with bags of treats - today it was biscuits, sponge pudding, chocolate bars and chocolate. She says they're for DH, "poor thing, because you don't allow him to buy any". hmm Well, I ASK him not to buy any, because I have the willpower of a gnat. If it's in the house, I'll eat it.

I have asked her SO many times not to bring things round, but she still does it. She also comments on my size, my weight, my pear shape etc. Yet she doesn't seem to want to support me in doing anything about it. confused

I am sitting here absolutely SO pissed off with myself. She brought the treats round, left, and I have now demolished them! So now that is this week's Weight Watcher's money utterly wasted. angry It's my fault for not being able to resist them, but why does she do it? Again and again and again?

GoofyIsACow Wed 07-Oct-15 17:37:17

Mil does it, i have no answer. Complains that she has gained weight, knows I am trying really hard then constantly buys cakes/biscuits etc.

I was quite short with her last time, didn't work.

No advice sorry, just sympathy!

CityDweller Wed 07-Oct-15 17:39:07

To do with her own control or self-esteem issues? Eg it helps her feel good about herself if you feel bad about yourself. Is she controlling in other ways?

Sorry she's not supporting your weight-loss attempts. Next time she does it, can you explain to her how unhelpful it is? And perhaps throw away the 'treats' in front of her?

GloGirl Wed 07-Oct-15 17:39:59

Put it in the bin. Everytime

aBrightNewDay Wed 07-Oct-15 17:40:22

Thing is - left to my own devices - I am fine. As long as I don't buy it, so it doesn't come in the house, and I don't eat it. And she knows that. So why do this?!

Mum also complains about her weight. She has been on a diet for as long as I can remember. Yet she is a chocoholic and can't deny herself, so she will eat it every day, and her weight is constant! I don't actually remember her ever saying to me that she has lost half a stone! It's always the same!

Scobberlotcher Wed 07-Oct-15 17:40:35

Do you feel able to tell your mum to turn round and take them home and if she refuses, to decant them into your outside bin?

Have you got angry with her? Actually said mum you are sabotaging me. I feel like you want me to stay fat.

But ultimately, what goes into your mouth is your responsibility.

I am the same as you. My reward forresisting the mars bar in the fridge is to eat the mars bar grin and my mum sounds the same as yours

Maybe your mum wants you to stay big? What size is she?

Maybe stop telling her how you're doing?

MandMand Wed 07-Oct-15 17:43:43

Stand up for yourself for goodness sake. Just because she tries to give them to you, doesn't mean you have to accept them. Say "no thank-you, and refuse to take the bag. Insist she takes it away with her. If she refuses, put the bag straight in the outside bin, in front of her if need be. She'll soon get the message.

queenoftheworld93 Wed 07-Oct-15 17:44:04

Can you just put the treats in a separate part of the house? A separate cupboard or something? YANBU but you are responsible for what you put into your own mouth.

KitKat1985 Wed 07-Oct-15 17:45:49

I can sympathise. I have friends that do this. However, (and I say this as someone who lost 5 stone) ultimately you have to take responsibility for what you eat and what food you have in the house (and I mean that nicely). Maybe next time give the food away? I got some chocs for my birthday recently which I didn't want in the house so I gave them away. Could you do similar?

revealall Wed 07-Oct-15 17:49:16

Can you ask Her to buy specific healthy choices. Say you'd love pomegranates or something but they're too expensive. Perhaps she just likes buying stuff and feeding you both up?

TheWitTank Wed 07-Oct-15 17:49:17

Who knows -maybe the fear of her being 'the fat one' makes her try and keep you big? She doesn't want to be alone in her bad eating habits?
What I would do is give them straight back. Say 'no, I'm not taking these, I'm on a diet'. If she gets huffy, explain how you find it very hard with this food in the house and not to buy it. If she DOES insist on leaving it, immediately get rid of it -hand it to a neighbour, get DH to take it to work, give it to a food bank. If you must, put it in the bin. I hate wasting food, but if you must and feel like you might cave put it straight into the outside bin, preferably ruined so you can't retrieve it! As you say, if it's not in the house, you can't eat it. Good luck!

ThreeFrazzledFandangos Wed 07-Oct-15 17:50:33

Just don't tell her you're dieting?

The only thing you can do really is not eat it. And I do know that's easier said than done but it's the only way if you can't make her stop bringing it round.

Crazypetlady Wed 07-Oct-15 17:50:45

YANBU for not wanting her to bring them. I am on a weight loss plan at the minute and a family member does the same.
I do think you are being a bit unreasonable for requesting your dh doesn't have them in the house though. If he is happy with it though there is no issue I suppose.
Also weight watchers can be a little restrictive have you tried any other weight loss groups ?
I just started slimming world and you are allowed treats if worked out correctly.

catfordbetty Wed 07-Oct-15 17:54:51

I've had to put several of my mother's famous (her word) fruitcakes in the bin. It gets easier once you've done it a few times. You could also ask her to bring fruit instead of chocolate and biscuits - 0pp on Weightwatchers!

WorraLiberty Wed 07-Oct-15 17:54:55

Just stop telling her when you're dieting.

BSites Wed 07-Oct-15 18:07:08

This is very common, and it's usually another "fatty" who does the sabotaging. It's happened to me several times and to lots of friends.

If you think about it, it's obvious why.

My husband brought me sweets on my last diet, I was so angry that I flushed them down the loo immediately. He hasn't done it since.

If you act promptly in this way, they will get upset, but the message gets through.

Don't be nice, don't accept, be consistent.

CocktailQueen Wed 07-Oct-15 18:07:27

So she doesn't want you to lose weight because then she'll feel bad for being overweight. She wants to keep you overweight so she'll feel better. She is sabotaging you.

Next time, don't accept them. Tell her firmly. She may not realise she's doing it, but she is, and it's not fair on you

BlackAmericanoNoSugar Wed 07-Oct-15 18:13:38

Have a bottle of bleach on stand by. Next time she comes take the treats from her, put them in the bin and pour bleach over them. It's a bit OTT admittedly but it'll get the message across. Don't bother trying to make her see sense, her issues are her issues, there's no need to make them your issues.

Backforthis Wed 07-Oct-15 18:15:54

Have you actually sat her down and asked her why she brings junk food as a 'gift' when she knows you're dieting? I would. Also make it clear that your DP is an adult who can buy his own chocolate and biscuits if he wants them and that he is supporting your dieting unlike her. If she still does it, calmly ask her to take the stuff back home with her or you'll bin it. If she refuses after that, bin it in front of her.

WorraLiberty Wed 07-Oct-15 18:16:25

Actually because she's telling you she's buying them for your DH, I think he should be the one to tell her he doesn't want them (if indeed he doesn't).

If he does that, there'll be no point at all in her bringing them.

Spartans Wed 07-Oct-15 18:17:14

Just tell her that you don't want them in the house. Say thanks but no thanks and tell her that she either takes them with her or they go in the bin.

Do remember though, it's you who is making the decision to eat them. I know how hard it is, I used to be very over weight. But stop thinking of yourself as a victim of your mums actions or a victim of your will power. Sometimes it helps to own the fact that it's you that is in control of what goes in your body.

Personally I think you need to work on your willpower. What will you do when you have lost the weight? Still have foods banned from the house permenantly? Will power may come with time though so you can have treats on without eating them all.

DontStopBelievin Wed 07-Oct-15 18:17:41

If you've got a food bank nearby, march it straight round there for people who are appreciative of the food. Every. Single. Time.
If she dares to comment on your size again say "well stop bringing me bloody food then, I keep telling you not to!"
That would really piss me off.

HaloEveSteve Wed 07-Oct-15 18:18:08

Do you think she is jealous/insecure about her inability to control her own weight and doesn't want you to succeed?

It sounds very annoying but I think you're going to have to be strong. Don't worry about today but the next time she does how about you take them straight to your local supermarket for their food bank collection?

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers Wed 07-Oct-15 18:19:21

Why do you tell her you are dieting? Just get on with it rather than saying anything.

You could argue that it is you who is self-sabotaging by telling her you are doing well, if her response is so predictable.

But yes, if she brings things around again, just bin them.

Bogeyface Wed 07-Oct-15 18:28:03

If you succeed on your diet it proves that it can be done and therefore calls into question why she hasnt done. That is my experience with sabotagers.

If you diet, dont lose weight or do but put it back on then it justifies them not bothering to try as "diets dont work anyway".

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