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To think my husband is an arse for this?

(78 Posts)
Vedamakesthebesttoast Tue 06-Oct-15 20:00:36

So tonight am fuming with one of my husband little quirks, we've been married four years and only now has he decided that of course it's obvious why wouldn't I have know this all along..... So came down from settling our one year old twins to bed to a bombsite of a kitchen after a hectic day running around after two teething sick children who are clingy and won't nap to find that the only dishes I'd managed to clean in the whole feckon day which were sat on the draining board and the basin from the sink sat on top of them..... Ergo they are now dirty again and need rehashed before I even start cleaning all the other crap that's accumulated..... Asked do why it was there and he said he was cleaning his hands.... ? Wtf? Why do you have to take the basin out of the sink and make other stuff dirty and give me more work to do? Apparently you shouldn't wash your hands into the basin.... Does anyone else do this??? What's the problem if you're that worried about it with just washing your hands and then emptying the feckin basin?? I'm pretty sure the bottom of the basin is more unhygienic to be randomly set around the kitchen than leaving residual hand washing water in it...

It's been a long day and now I'm just pissed, can anyone talk some sense into me? I'm not about to have a barney with him over it but just a bit incredulous at the logic of my supposedly intelligent other half

Off to do the rest of the dishes (and the original ones again)


HirplesWithHaggis Tue 06-Oct-15 20:05:42

Er, why isn't he washing the dishes?

Cirsium Tue 06-Oct-15 20:08:11

YANBU. DH regularly does similarly illogical things while trying to help around the house. It is incredibly irritating. He just doesn't think in an ordered way when it comes to housework. He would however probably offer to wash all the dishes if I'd had a crap day with DD, so his daftness is generally ignored.

whatsagoodusername Tue 06-Oct-15 20:09:32

Make him wash the dishes

Hirples is right - why isn't he doing the dishes?

And yes, he is an arse - because he is not doing the dishes and for dirtying the ones you had already washed.

My dh has always done his share of the cooking and washing up, and of the childcare, night feeds, cleaning up after pukey children, changing wet beds, helping with homework etc, etc, he does a lot of the laundry, and he does all the ironing. And works full time, commuting to London with days that start at 5.15am and end North of 8pm - I am expecting him home any minute. Your dh needs to pull his finger out and pull his weight.

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs Tue 06-Oct-15 20:11:51

Its gine for him to say that as l9ng as he follows it by an apology and him washing the dishes. What was he doing while you were settling kids? What is he doing now while you are washing dishes?

cowbag1 Tue 06-Oct-15 20:13:14

Why wasn't he doing the washing up whilst you were settling your dc?

It's not a little quirk, he's just lazy.

ginmakesitallok Tue 06-Oct-15 20:17:48

In this case I'd say you are both likely to be tired and you need to be kind to each other. Yes he was a bit unthoughtful, but looking back would you think it was worth falling out over a couple of dirty dishes?

Don't blow this out of proportion. Pour yourselves a glass of wine and watch some crap telly together.

Fairenuff Tue 06-Oct-15 20:19:07

Another one wondering why he didn't do the dishes.

whathavewedonenow99 Tue 06-Oct-15 20:19:33

He should do the dishes.

I have just realised that I do exactly the same thing - dirty hands, lift basin out of sink (although I turn it upside down on the drainer), wash hands, rinse sink and then put the basin back. I am a woman.

I wonder what other little quirks I have that I have never noticed before!

SurlyCue Tue 06-Oct-15 20:22:57

My ex was a knob. A lazy one at that. But even he knew to wash dishes if i was doing bedtime. And vice versa, if he did bedtime i did the dishes and had a glass of wine ready for him when he came down because dishes are a doddle compared to bedtime

peggyundercrackers Tue 06-Oct-15 20:25:25

I'm another who would take the basin out to wash my hands - ive always moved the basin when I'm doing something in the sink, be it running water for something else or washing my hands. I don't know why but I don't like water sitting in the basin, feels wrong somehow.

Zippidydoodah Tue 06-Oct-15 20:26:40

A) don't understand why people have those basins and don't justwash up in the sink. But if I did have one, I probacly wouldn't wash dirty hands in it.
B) not quite sure why your basin dirtied your dishes so much that they needed washing again? confused just how grubby is this basin?
C) I don't expect my dp to wash up even if I've been busy with kids, as he works bloody hard. Yes, yes, I do too, but most days i get a little time to sit down, whereas he doesn't. I'm not a doormat but don't understand that mn thing of evetyone jumping immediately down the husband's throat.

FithColumnist Tue 06-Oct-15 20:26:45

Do you only have the one sink? confused

(Also, and I know I might get flamed for this, maybe it wasn't his turn to wash the dishes?)

Vedamakesthebesttoast Tue 06-Oct-15 20:27:50

lol thank you I feel vindicated!
Fret not I'm not about to fall out with him and he wasn't doing the dishes because he has a stupid deadline to meet tonight for work and was him he came home early to help me with the twins because I was so ragged with them.hes not lazy but in this case just being an idiot.... I just hate the way when I ask him 'but why(?!!?) did you put the basin on the clean dishes?' He's so aghast by the notion of just washing his hands like a normal person and not thinking that we'll Catch Ebola from the next load of dishes I wash!!! Just til the frigging water down the sink and stand the feck back from the clean stuff!
Haven't started the dishes yet btw... Was too busy reading the thread about bing and flop which I love (the thread not bing and flop)

Ta ladies

Zippidydoodah Tue 06-Oct-15 20:28:10

Ah- just realised that maybe the difference is that he helps with bedtime, and will take them up for bath/shower after dinner when he's here.

Vedamakesthebesttoast Tue 06-Oct-15 20:29:54

Ugg typos sorry phone posting and fat fingers.....

beardsrock Tue 06-Oct-15 20:29:58

They are all like this.

Pick your battles, OP. And watch crap TV and try and chill grin

Bet your twins are gorgeous flowers

Fairenuff Tue 06-Oct-15 20:30:04

that mn thing of evetyone jumping immediately down the husband's throat

I was thinking more along the lines of teamwork. Dh and I have always worked together getting the kids sorted, jobs done, etc. so that we can both sit down together. I always thought that's what family life was like and it's what we've always done.

Zippidydoodah Tue 06-Oct-15 20:30:29

Nope- I'm still none the wiser re: basins! Is it clean enough in which to wash your dishes? Even if he's washed his dirty hands in there? Bloody hell I'm confused! grin

Zippidydoodah Tue 06-Oct-15 20:31:10

Fairenuff- perhaps you cross posted with my last post? smile

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Tue 06-Oct-15 20:33:04

If I ruined something dh had done then I'd put it right. He should be washing up deadline or no deadline. He might take a bit more care next time.

I know this isn't the point but if you have the space and the cash get a dishwasher. It uses less water than washing up and saves hours of your lives.

Op YANBU. He is a mahoosive arse.

NannyOggsHedgehogs Tue 06-Oct-15 20:33:41

Why did he not sort the dishes and get dinner sorted? confused y'know like grown up partners do? Or do bedtime while you clear up so he gets to actually see his kids after a long day away from them?

Purplepoodle Tue 06-Oct-15 20:34:26

Two words - dish washer grin

Also handy as young kids love loading and unloading for some bizarre reason

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Tue 06-Oct-15 20:36:44

Yes he'd still have to do the washing up and get dinner if he was single so he should be pulling his weight.

All adults should pull their weight regardless of sex. <<Does that cover it for the "If this was a man posting about a woman" lot?

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