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To discuss period 'leaking' with DD 12

(103 Posts)
grumpysquash Sun 04-Oct-15 23:17:10

My DD is 12 and has not started her periods, although I suspect it is not far away.

I first discussed periods with her at 8 or 9 and we are quite open about it. Her sanpro for when she needs it is in the drawer with mine.

Recently I've read a few MN posts that have mentioned their DD leaking all over the bed, or into school uniform and generally not managing to cope with the blood.

So, the question is, should I mention leaking at night, and through sanpro into school uniform? I have always had average/light periods and have never leaked at night or into daytime clothes.....but realise that it is a possibility which could be distressing.

Is it a step too far, or would it be good preparation?

Experienced mums, please give your opinion...

ghostyslovesheep Sun 04-Oct-15 23:19:38

ffs first off stop saying 'sanpro' it's silly

just buy her decent protection - maybe mention changing it regularly but don't make her scared to death she's going to flood constantly

you don't need advice - just think about how you felt as a young woman when you started?

QOD Sun 04-Oct-15 23:20:02

I don't recall mentioning it. Did buy black knickers though
oh actually now.you make me think, I think I told dd to tie her.jumper round her waist and text me

CharleyDavidson Sun 04-Oct-15 23:20:26

I didn't discuss it in advance. If it happened (which it did), DD was quick to deal with it herself. She would strip the bed or dump her underwear in the hamper. I gave her a quick, gentle bit of advice for how to deal with it and we keep some bio liquid in the bathroom for such occasions. She rinses anything out she needs to and sometimes soaks stuff in the bath/sink as required.

I buy night pads for her and asked her her preference in sanpro to help too.

PannaDoll Sun 04-Oct-15 23:20:29

It seems like the sort of conversation you would have once the periods actually turn up. It seems like a bit of an odd topic to just randomly chat about but no reason to not discuss it if menatruation and ways to deal with it are being discussed.

Wolfiefan Sun 04-Oct-15 23:21:02

No I wouldn't mention it. I would however ensure that she has the right level of towel or whatever. (A product for light flow or heavy.)
Perhaps when the time comes ensure she knows that she may need different products on different days or nights. Ensure she knows to change them regularly.

Only1scoop Sun 04-Oct-15 23:24:44

Yabu

Unless she experiences this etc.

Seems like a huge fuss for possibly nothing.

Fatmomma99 Sun 04-Oct-15 23:26:59

Periods tend to be quite hereditary, so hers are likely to be like yours, but you should mention in passing that hers might be heavier and what do when when they are.

MrsMook Sun 04-Oct-15 23:28:37

My periods frequently started in the night, so by the time I woke and realised, the sheets had usually copped it. My cycles were far too irregular to anticipate when they would occur to prepare.

The thing that bothered me most was a pad being seen when I was changing at dancing, so I'd wear snug pants with the pad, then looser pants on top to hide the wings.

I don't think it's something that really needs to be addressed in advance as it may not be an issue and it's not worth triggering additional worries. If you're approachable over it all (which you sound like you are) then.any concerns can be managed.

clam Sun 04-Oct-15 23:29:24

I think it's worth mentioning that dark (or old) underwear is a good idea "just in case," and she can probably work out why for herself. Ditto, some sort of mattress protector.

grumpysquash Sun 04-Oct-15 23:30:28

ghosty
Sorry for 'sanpro' - I agree it's naff - I mean towels and liners.

What protection is decent? I have bought Lillets Teens pads and night pads, but TBH I haven't used a towel in about 30 years (excluding immediately after having DC)!

Black knickers and bed sheet management might be the way to go.

What I want to avoid is a situation she feels unable to deal with, without giving her so much info that having periods seems scary.

My mum was utterly rubbish at that stuff. She left a packet of towels and an information leaflet on my bed when I was 11 and never mentioned it again, so I'd like to get it right for DD.

MoonSandwich Sun 04-Oct-15 23:33:36

Lol at the OP being told off for using the term sanpro confused. My DDs and I all use the term sanpro. It's a useful short word that covers all the different types of, umm, sanpro. I like it.

HesterShaw Sun 04-Oct-15 23:37:07

YABU for saying "sanpro".

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Sun 04-Oct-15 23:37:42

I think it's worth telling her - maybe when she has started though.

I was very heavy when I started - it would have been nice to know that a clot the size the palm of my hand while disgusting, didn't mean I was dying! And also that I wouldn't be told off if I did ruin sheets and knickers which I did.

My mum was also rubbish at this, I was given a book about bodies and had a chat with the school nurse - that was it.

Pico2 Sun 04-Oct-15 23:38:20

I'm surprised that anyone has managed never to leak. I've never though I had particularly heavy periods, though they have got heavier after having DD2. But I sometimes misjudge and get a leak. Don't most people?

HesterShaw Sun 04-Oct-15 23:39:50

Oh sorry, I see that's been done blush

I don't think you would be unreasonable.. I was too embarrassed to discuss this with my mother and all she did was yell at me when she found bloodied knickers I'd hidden because I was too embarrassed to tell her because she was such a witch. Maybe see how her first periods pan out and take it from there?

MrsSchadenfreude Sun 04-Oct-15 23:42:23

I would see what it is like when it starts, and bear in mind that it might get heavier/more painful after the first six months or so. Offer up several different types of sanpro grin to try - one of my DDs will only use giant night time pads with wings all of the time, the other only Tampax applicator tampons or small towels without wings. The Lillets teen pads are very good for light starters, but no use for a heavy period. I wish they would make them in larger sizes, as they feel fresh and cottony, not plasticky like some of the others. Both of mine prefer Bodyform for towels, and don't like Always at all.

I would discuss the possibility of leaking when she has started, but be matter of fact about it. Mine both have spare pants at school in their locker, and have an app on their phone to alert them when they are due on, so that they can be prepared.

grumpysquash Sun 04-Oct-15 23:44:03

Felicia

Yes, this is the sort of thing I worry about. I want her to know that normal comes in many ways.....not necessarily just my (fairly average) way!

If it's not too personal, what did you do about the clot? Did you tell your mum?

DragonsCanHop Sun 04-Oct-15 23:44:48

DD has had her first episode of flooding this month (13, periods since 11) I hadn't mentioned it before and she has handled it very well by herself.

That said, I'm not aware of the cold water thing?

nooka Sun 04-Oct-15 23:46:03

With my dd (now 15) I went with her to a big Boots type shop and we bought lots of different brands and types of sanitary protection, with me talking about the pros and cons. dd generally chose on the basis of pretty packaging mind smile It was actually quite fun, and then we had coffee and cake, so that was nice too.

We also bought lots of nice comfy black knickers. Her friends had already talked about wearing darker coloured trousers/leggings when you are 'on' as they tend to refer to it, so I think that was already covered.

I told her a few stories about times I'd been surprised by my period, so that she knew it was a possibility and nothing to be ashamed of. I made sure she knew that we'd not be mad if she got blood on clothes or sheets, and that she could throw away knickers if she needed too.

We put together a nice little bag with some of the pads, a spare pair of knickers, some ibuprofen and a bar of chocolate for 'just in case', and I think she started about six months later. I made her red velvet cake grin

My mother was terrible about the whole thing. Really unsympathetic and got quite cross about bloody knickers. I think she thought I just managed things badly, but I had very irregular periods that could be heavy and painful, where she had a very regular 31 day cycle and short light periods. It was only when she went on HRT much much later that she realised periods really could be painful and difficult (she didn't stay on it for very long!).

ouryve Sun 04-Oct-15 23:49:50

Terrifying her in advance is pretty silly, really.

grumpysquash Sun 04-Oct-15 23:52:14

MrsSchadenfreude

Thanks, it's useful to know what other DDs use!

I think I might suggest spare knickers and trousers in locker when the time comes.

Pico2
I have honestly never had a bad leak. When I was about 15-16-17 I had a couple of occasions when there was a dot about the size of a 10p on the sheets.

After having babies I wasn't in bed long enough to bleed onto it sad

brokenhearted55a Sun 04-Oct-15 23:52:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grumpysquash Sun 04-Oct-15 23:54:16

nooka
LOL at red velvet cake for starting periods smile

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