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When a favour isn't actually a favour...

(58 Posts)
Loopylala7 Sun 04-Oct-15 22:01:32

When you have a routine, then someone steps in and 'kindly' offers to help, only the help is more of a hindrance, but the person is so adamant they are being helpful, you are almost forced to take up the offer...wine

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sun 04-Oct-15 22:03:16

What's your aibu?

pocketsized Sun 04-Oct-15 22:05:05

Are you my DD? We've literally just had this conversation...

Loopylala7 Sun 04-Oct-15 22:05:44

Just venting really, but I was wondering if anyone else feels they have to accept unwanted help? Is that in itself unreasonable?

FarFromAnyRoad Sun 04-Oct-15 22:06:20

Yes? And then what happens? Something or nothing? AYBU about what?

Loopylala7 Sun 04-Oct-15 22:06:56

Pocketsized I doubt I'm you're DD lol!

Senpai Sun 04-Oct-15 22:07:23

I feel like this when my toddler "helps" me clean.

NormHonal Sun 04-Oct-15 22:11:17

Yes, I know exactly the feeling you mean.

IME it's usually where I've done a favour for someone else, probably putting myself out in the process, and I have a friend who will INSIST on paying it back in the way and on the day and time that suits them, but not me.

Are we talking school runs, perchance, or MILs? wine

NormHonal Sun 04-Oct-15 22:12:38

"No good deed goes unpunished."

BathshebaDarkstone Sun 04-Oct-15 22:16:19

No I generally tell them to fuck off, unless it's the DC, I just accept that it'll take longer and won't be done right. grin

Jux Sun 04-Oct-15 22:16:46

Yes! My MIL would do lots of things which were kind but an absolute PITA, and no matter how often I asked her not to she would continue to do them. It was horrible, especially as she would tell you what a wonderful thing she'd 3 or 4 times at least, and I would have to thank her each time, while trying to also say "No! Don't do it again. Ever." but nicely and kindly, with at least a little gratitude involved too. <shudder at the memory grin>

Loopylala7 Sun 04-Oct-15 22:19:02

MIL offered to take DC one day a week, well actually insisted, so have removed them from nursery, only she is now listing which days she can't do so I can book my A/L biscuit my boss is going to be thrilled.

RabbitSaysWoof Sun 04-Oct-15 22:21:16

Oh I can think of a thousand examples. Have you tried shouting "leave me alone, I like doing my own shit without you" ?

RainbowFlutterby Sun 04-Oct-15 22:21:35

Get your DH to use his A/L. His mother - his problem grin

Only1scoop Sun 04-Oct-15 22:23:02

Loopy I'd just keep the nursery place and say to Mil to just have DC for pleasure rather than childcare at mutually agreeable times.

Yabu by the way but I'd keep the nursery place.

Loopylala7 Sun 04-Oct-15 22:26:07

Thing is, it's easier for me to take A/l than DH. Tbh I don't mind having to take a/l but having young children I take a lot for sickness etc so am left with little anyway.

RabbitSaysWoof Sun 04-Oct-15 22:27:33

This happened to me, at my childs nursery they can do a school day, pick up at 3ish or a full day for not much more money. Gm was insistent she would love to collect her dgs at 3 and I could get him from her after work it would be lovely for her blah blah blah...... except about every second week when she would text me at work about 3:45 asking if I was going to be long. Eerr yes I work until 5 the nursery closes at 7 they would never give out the guilt because I want to finish my working day ffs.

Loopylala7 Sun 04-Oct-15 22:27:57

Can't keep the nursery place without paying full fee as its a small nursery ??

Only1scoop Sun 04-Oct-15 22:28:46

I'd pay the fee and keep the place.

Loopylala7 Sun 04-Oct-15 22:33:42

DH would never agree to that as would see it as a waste of money, plus we've already removed DC on the understanding MIL would be available

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter Sun 04-Oct-15 22:35:06

Iirc the MN terminology for this is a 'Glory Helper' grin

Loopylala7 Sun 04-Oct-15 22:36:36

Wow, I love the glory helper phrase. Will be using that from now on!

Angelika321 Sun 04-Oct-15 22:39:34

Ah yes I have a MIL who does exactly the same. Insists on having my kid then has other commitments which she can't cancel which means taking AL to cover.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter Sun 04-Oct-15 22:39:56

MNisms are the best wink grin

BlackAmericanoNoSugar Sun 04-Oct-15 22:40:48

I would just pay the full fee and let her have the DC if she wants them. You'd be no worse off financially than if she had never offered, and you'll have a back-up available if she gets ill or changes her mind at short notice.

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