I'll begin by saying that I do suffer from diagnosed anxiety disorder, and have previously suffered from extreme pnd (twice) and clinical depression, but that they are now under control (mostly).
What I'm trying to work out is if anyone else spends a large portion of their life worrying that the worst possible thing might happen.
Some of the things that I obsess about are, kids going on school excursions, whether they involve walking somewhere or catching a coach. I am convinced that one of my children will run out on the road and be killed, or the bus will crash, killing not only my child, but many others.
I struggle with getting on any public transport (but especially aeroplanes), for the same reasons. I have unfortunately missed a holiday due to my fear of flying.
When I visited my sons new high school, I noticed that some of the corridors are external and have 'balcony' type railings. In my mind, either overcrowding might cause my son to be knocked over to his death, or some huge bully might throw him over because he is shy and timid.
When my children catch common illnesses, I am genuinely afraid that they have a terminal illness, or even a complication which might cause them to die unexpectedly.
I can't think of my husbands commute (45 minutes each way) without imagining the police at my door, breaking terrible news to me.
I also can't allow any of the dc to have housecoat belts/yoyos/pull string toys etc in their bedrooms, because I'm convinced that they might hang thrmselves overnight.
The list goes on, but in short, I think the reason that these things scare me so much is because that I know they do actually happen and that makes me think I'm not overreacting. Although part of me says it would be extremely unlikely.
In my defence, I have had a fair few shitty things happen to me and mine over the past couple of years which may be colouring my view.
Before anyone jumps on me, I want to make it known that I have a few responses to my feelings:
(1) I pretend it's not happening, I take (prescribed) Valium, let the kids do their thing, and float in a haze until it's over.
(2) I spend the entire time that the said activity is happening shaking, on the verge of tears, with diahreah and vomiting, but still allow it to go ahead.
(3) I sometimes forbid the activities from taking place completely (although, I really try hard to make this s last resort if I just can not manage (1) or (2).
I suppose I just want to know if there are other people who continually expect the worst possible outcome, and if so, how the hell do you deal with it for the best possible outcome for yourself and your children.
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To check that I'm not the only person who constantly fears the absolute worst?
8 replies
WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 30/09/2015 15:48
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