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To check that I'm not the only person who constantly fears the absolute worst?

(9 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat Wed 30-Sep-15 15:48:07

I'll begin by saying that I do suffer from diagnosed anxiety disorder, and have previously suffered from extreme pnd (twice) and clinical depression, but that they are now under control (mostly).

What I'm trying to work out is if anyone else spends a large portion of their life worrying that the worst possible thing might happen.

Some of the things that I obsess about are, kids going on school excursions, whether they involve walking somewhere or catching a coach. I am convinced that one of my children will run out on the road and be killed, or the bus will crash, killing not only my child, but many others.

I struggle with getting on any public transport (but especially aeroplanes), for the same reasons. I have unfortunately missed a holiday due to my fear of flying.

When I visited my sons new high school, I noticed that some of the corridors are external and have 'balcony' type railings. In my mind, either overcrowding might cause my son to be knocked over to his death, or some huge bully might throw him over because he is shy and timid.

When my children catch common illnesses, I am genuinely afraid that they have a terminal illness, or even a complication which might cause them to die unexpectedly.

I can't think of my husbands commute (45 minutes each way) without imagining the police at my door, breaking terrible news to me.

I also can't allow any of the dc to have housecoat belts/yoyos/pull string toys etc in their bedrooms, because I'm convinced that they might hang thrmselves overnight.

The list goes on, but in short, I think the reason that these things scare me so much is because that I know they do actually happen and that makes me think I'm not overreacting. Although part of me says it would be extremely unlikely.

In my defence, I have had a fair few shitty things happen to me and mine over the past couple of years which may be colouring my view.

Before anyone jumps on me, I want to make it known that I have a few responses to my feelings:
(1) I pretend it's not happening, I take (prescribed) Valium, let the kids do their thing, and float in a haze until it's over.

(2) I spend the entire time that the said activity is happening shaking, on the verge of tears, with diahreah and vomiting, but still allow it to go ahead.

(3) I sometimes forbid the activities from taking place completely (although, I really try hard to make this s last resort if I just can not manage (1) or (2).

I suppose I just want to know if there are other people who continually expect the worst possible outcome, and if so, how the hell do you deal with it for the best possible outcome for yourself and your children.

Gottagetmoving Wed 30-Sep-15 15:59:51

I suffered the same types of fears after I had PND with my first child.
I had no treatment until quite a few years later but I was on anti depressants and anxiety medication. I insisted on a referral to a psychologist, which helped massively.
Apart from that - I read lots and lots of self help books, some good, some brilliant. It took many years but I got better slowly until now I have very few anxieties.
You should speak to your GP and see if you can referred for cognitive behavioural therapy or some other therapy.

Gottagetmoving Wed 30-Sep-15 16:02:06

You have this thread on twice, by the way.

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat Wed 30-Sep-15 16:05:59

Thank you. Yes, I realised and have reported one of them to have one removed - just not sure which.

AliceScarlett Wed 30-Sep-15 16:06:32

I do, but only in regards to my husband. I used too do this with everything, then mindfulness changed my life and I just watch my thoughts as thoughts and don't really get involved in them. Obviously it's a continual effort everyday, but its worth it.

I'd rather chop my legs off than lose my ability to be mindful. Not even joking.

CalliopeTorres Wed 30-Sep-15 16:11:10

I catastrophise, so if something happens, say for example a direct debit wasn't paid, I would follow it through in my mind to the worst possible outcome of that one action, ie, bankruptcy (yes I know a silly example but the only one I could think of. Or actually, when we were renting and we were given notice to leave I pretty much had me DH and the kids homeless in my mind. In reality, whet it means is I prep for the worst possible outcome, I drive myself (and DH) completely insane over a period of time as I become transfixed on a bad outcome, ignoring all of the little steps that could come up in meantime that generally mean the horrendous end result doesn't happen. So not exactly the same but similar, I sympathise and don't know how to make it stop but recognising I do it and helping DH to recognise when I need talking down has been useful to me.

Gottagetmoving Wed 30-Sep-15 16:20:51

AliceScarlett You are right. I got books on mindfulness and it IS very good. Highly recommended.
It should be taught in schools.

ClimbingTheDuomo Wed 30-Sep-15 16:29:44

You're not the only one. I do this.

And one of the worries about having children is that it would get 100 times worse.

I spend the whole time I'm on holiday worrying that the house will burn down. I obsessively check BBC local news for reports of fires when I'm away. I can't tell you the relief when I turn the corner and see the building still standing.

I also have a massive fear of accidents on roads. I make my husband text me on arrival every day. Once, he didn't text. I was texting and calling him and of course getting no answer. Thinking he was dead I then started checking the news for reports of fatal accidents. Turned out he'd just forgotten his phone. Which in hindsight was the obvious reason.

Another time my FIL was due to meet us somewhere, he texted to say he was leaving and that he'd see us in 45 minutes. 90 minutes later, no sign. I then saw the ambulance helicopter coming in to land at the hospital and was convinced he was in it after a crash. Felt sick. He turned up 10 minutes later after just being stuck in traffic.

Even worse, I worry that as soon as I stop worrying about these things, then it will happen, as if the catastrophe is trying to catch me off guard. So I have to keep thinking it.

Nobody understands, DP just thinks I'm a doom merchant.

AmyGMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 30-Sep-15 17:23:33

Hi all

Thanks to everyone who has replied to this one.

This is actually a duplicate thread and the OP has asked that we remove one of them.

As this one has fewer replies we're going to take this one down shortly. The other thread that will remain active can be found here


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