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For a perfectly NT adult to say this?

(23 Posts)
whatyouseeiswhatyouget Tue 29-Sep-15 21:56:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether Tue 29-Sep-15 21:58:13

So how does he manage at work?

Presumably he turns up for meetings? He's there for parents' evenings? He does their reports on time? He prepares for his lessons?

Tell him to give those excuses at work and see how long he keeps his job, the daft bugger.

MinecraftWonder Tue 29-Sep-15 22:01:31

He's nbu to say it's something he struggles with. He's bu to use it as an excuse though.

I have a shit memory and really worry about forgetting one of the dc's trips/gym kit or forgetting to do something I've agreed in work.

You work around it - I have a huge family calendar in my kitchen which everything goes on. I have an electronic calendar in work which I note stuff down on and set myself reminders for.

BackforGood Tue 29-Sep-15 22:04:32

Well I struggle to remember things like that. So, I acknowledge that, and set up systems to help me negotiate my life so I do get to places I need to be. Nowadays it's on the calendar on my phone, but I've been using systems - diaries, lists, routines. etc. - all my life to get myself organised. It worked to the extent that everybody always thinks I'm a really organised person - my memory is still very, very poor, so I work round it.

Senpai Tue 29-Sep-15 22:07:12

I have adhd. Phone calendars are the way of the future.

I also have a notebook right there next to my computer so any to do is quickly jotted down to be reread later.

So... no. He has no excuse, NT or not.

attheendoftheday Tue 29-Sep-15 22:11:26

He is BU. I think that the "I can't remember" line often gets trotted out by arsehole men who really mean "I can't be arsed to try and I expect a women to do this for me".

Gileswithachainsaw Tue 29-Sep-15 22:15:14


I'm crap at organisation. I have a calender I write stuff down on and I put reminders on my phone.

some things are too important like medical appointments or parents meetings etc to chance forgetting them

if he knows he can't do it he needs to sort himself out a system to ensure he's where he needs to be at the right time

DoreenLethal Tue 29-Sep-15 22:15:20

Can you give the man some post it notes?

NuttyCake Tue 29-Sep-15 22:18:33

My dh has memory issues at home and funnily enough is also a teacher. I was also considering posting a similar question. Is it normal to go to the shops and forget to bring money? This happens about once a month and involves a drive there and back.
He never remembers the bins, despite it being "his job". I always have to remind him of bin night.
He'll never remember someone's name. I may tell me and he won't be able to repeat it back.
It's all stuff that sounds pretty essential for a teacher and I often wonder how he functions at work.
Or maybe he switches off at home just a bit too much.

MiscellaneousAssortment Tue 29-Sep-15 22:23:16

When posters are giving their techniques and ways of coping are being proper grown ups, your STBXH is not if he does that pathetic 'you have to do it for me' thing which absolves him of any responsibility for his own actions.

It's a particularly revolting strategy to turn others into servants. Sooo unattractive!

fishfacedcow Tue 29-Sep-15 22:28:49

I have a terrible memory (call me DOry)

But i have to function in the real world. Everything gets put in the book. Everyone knows if they want me to remember anything it goes in the book.
If you dont put it in the book then its 50/50 wether it gets remembered or not.

BUT its my responsiblity to check the book and make sure that everything in the book is done, even if it means consulting the book 14 times straight because i couldnt remember what id just read when i walked from one room to another.

One of the kids joked i should wear the book on a chain round my neck!

mellicauli Tue 29-Sep-15 22:40:32

Yup, childish. As is blaming someone else for your own shortcomings.
But this is a model a lot of couples follow: she organizes the world, he sits back for the ride.

ImperialBlether Tue 29-Sep-15 22:42:16

Does he remember things like gigs/matches that he's got tickets for? Does he remember to buy himself beer for the weekend?

sproketmx Tue 29-Sep-15 23:18:42

I can't remember shit. Seriously there's 7 kids in this house most days and I can just about manage a head count BUT as an adult I realise shit needs to get done so I invested a quid in a kitchen calendar.

Maybe pop into the shop and buy him one... no excuse then really grin

BlackeyedSusan Tue 29-Sep-15 23:27:27

I can not remember stuff, so being an adult I set up systems to cope with it.

CharityBarnum Wed 30-Sep-15 00:32:40

HIBU and a dick.

I'm glad he is a STBXH.

VimFuego101 Wed 30-Sep-15 00:37:09

I have a terrible memory - so as soon as anyone tells me anything, into my phone it goes and I constantly refer to it to see what's going on. How difficult is it to write things in a diary?

MidniteScribbler Wed 30-Sep-15 00:46:31

My memory is shocking, but like a poster above, I have 'The Book' (capital letters required). Everything, and I mean everything, gets written in it, and I have a column for the end of the day where I check off things that are done, or transferred to 'The Master File' which is a Excel workbook that contains my calendar, budgets, gift lists, to do lists, etc. Even the Thomas trains that my son already owns is on it so I don't double up.

Grown adults accept they may have a shocking memory and take steps to manage their lives. There is no excuse for not keeping track of things. You can buy a diary in any $1 store.

People do vary a lot in how challenging they find remembering stuff
Many people cope well - or at least better - by using a variety of strategies

I'm pretty disorganised myself with poor concentration and memory - I think I could have attention deficit traits (many people under diagnosed in my generation I think)

Of course it's a bit unreasonable for someone to manage fine at work but not be able to do the same at home. But if it's a big effort to remember stuff then I can sympathise with wanting some down time at home

MoonSandwich Wed 30-Sep-15 01:20:22

He needs Siri. wink

Btw yanbu

RockinHippy Wed 30-Sep-15 02:00:26

HIBVU & immature to boot .

I have some real issues with my memory down to health problems. It's a PITA & I can very easily forget important stuff.

BUT like others have said, I have to function in the real world & that means working around my short comings. Not so difficult these days, I too rely on IPad reminders, phone alarms & a blood great big white board in the kitchen that I use as a planner - as a teacher, he needs to bring some of his planning strategies home & stop being such a big kid

sproketmx Wed 30-Sep-15 02:13:14

I'd forget to take the phone and book grin if it's not on the calendar it's not happening

whatyouseeiswhatyouget Wed 30-Sep-15 20:07:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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