The person behind me on the bus...

[tempestinateapot]

...is chewing bubble gum with their mouth open. And blowing bubbles. I'm not confident/aggressive enough to actually say anything but the hairs on my arms are actually standing on end. I have another 20 minutes to go.

WIBU to jump out of the (admittedly far too small for my robust frame) window?

[Sapele]

Yanbu. Or punch them.

[TheCatsFlaps]

Push them out the window!

[LumelaMme]

Do you have headphones handy?
Can you give them a hard stare and move seats?

[sproketmx]

Haha. Are they 24?

[sproketmx]

14 even?

[Narp]

Oh Gawd, that would make my bottom clench.


Stamp on their foot accidentally-on-purpose?

[tempestinateapot]

No headphones. Moving would mean sitting next to someone but that could be an option if I don't start screaming first.

[tempestinateapot]

Bottom firmly clenched, Narp. I can't see how old they are as they're directly behind me so turning round would be obvious, but I think it's a grown man (!).

[tempestinateapot]

Oh Lord. Apologies for triple post but I snuck a very obvious look and I'd say he's in his forties and wearing a suit.

[Theycallmemellowjello]

Oh what a joy blowing bubbles is. I remember the excitement of receiving some genuine American bubblegum as a gift from a friend that visited Florida or something as a child. They were giant balls that hurt your jaws to chew, but once you got them soft, the bubbles were giant. Just imagine the joy that the person is experiencing right now.

[OurBlanche]

Grab the back of your head, as though something wet just hit it, turn and look at him, saying "Urgh" loudly make sure to make direct eye contact!

A quick jump up and screech would be a bit OTT, so don't overdo it

[sproketmx]

Bubbles and bubblegum is normally a pastime for 14 year old girls trying to impress the cool boy in school is it not?

[Behooven]

Ooh, sympathy! I hate open mouth eaters anyway, other people masticating is revolting.

[Mrsmorton]

Yeah, that's grim. I passive aggressively wrote a note to the woman in front of me on the train chewing so loudly it could be heard throughout the carriage. Dropped it in her bag as I got off

IMO the problem is that people wearing headphones don't realise how loud they are on the outside. Sniffing and slurping and chewing.

[Sillybillybonker]

You need a car.

[Ohwhatfuckeryisthis]

Wait till they blow a huge one then turn and pop it.

[beardsrock]

I thought people only did that in films?

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

You think that's bad. Wait for this one. I was visiting my dad in hospital a few years back anyway, coming down the escalator was a staff member chewing and blowing bubbles.
How bloody rude

[Behooven]

Last year, (think I put this on a thread about the commute) there was a noise like click click...a woman was clipping her toenails on the train!

[Gruntfuttock]

MrsMorton what did the note say?

[CharleyDavidson]

Urgh. Watching and/or listening to someone chewing bubble gum and blowing and - even worse- popping the bubbles makes me heave. It's a disgusting habit. MIL taught my dds to do it and they know I will screech at them to stop or go away to do it somewhere else if I hear them doing it.
Vile.

[Mrsmorton]

It said

You sound like a farmyard animal chewing your gum. It's disgusting.

[Ahardmanisgoodtofind]

The sound of chewing drives me into a rage. I've turned around before now, hand out, given the death stare and said "spit it out." Worked. Now dp and dm refuse to go on trains with me any where.

[tywinlannister]

I was actually giddy with anticipation about what the person behind you was doing on the bus! In our borough it could have been :

The person behind me on the bus:

• Is smoking weed
  
• Has a mouldy belly
  
• Is talking very loudly about how they plan to commit burglary/a mugging this weekend
  
• Is eating a whole chicken, battered and deep fried
  
• Is taking up 3 seats on the back row
  
• Smells like white spirit (Here we are now! Entertain us!)
  

When confronted with open mouth chewers, I start imitating them with wild flapping chops, lick as much of my mouth as I can with my mouth wide open and try to produce a good spittle. When they look at you with disgust, say something like, "Yeah... its nasty ain't it!"