Demanding a loan is repaid(111 Posts)
At the end of June I received an email from my closest friend asking if I would lend her £1,500.00, which was the shortfall she needed to buy a house. She said that she’s currently paying £750.00 rent and her new mortgage payments would be £420.00, she’s also recently got a new higher paid job and she would be able to pay me back by the end of August. I have lent her £1000.00 in the past to buy a car when hers blew up and she paid back in instalments when she could and there was no problem.
I’m far from well off but I do have a little bit of money in savings that I am able to lend then put back into savings when paid off, so I was willing to help her out. I transferred the money to her straight away.
About a month later DH suggests that we should buy a bigger house. We have a baby on the way and whilst we had planned to stay where we are for a couple of years after considering everything we decided to buy somewhere now. I knew that paying my half of the stamp duty, solicitors fees etc was going to be tight, especially as I’m £1500.00 down but I should just about manage it.
End of August arrives and my friend emails me to say that her brother, who was also supposed to be lending her some money towards the house purchase, has let her down and she’s now £1000.00 short. She had already exchanged contracts but she was unable to complete. Basically if she couldn’t come up with the funds pretty much immediately the house would go back on the market, she’d have to pay all the solicitors costs and would be absolutely stuffed financially. She went to her bank to arrange an overdraft and was waiting for confirmation that it had gone through.
I discussed lending her another 1k with DH and whilst he wouldn’t tell me not to, it being my money after all, he was obviously not keen. However on a selfish note, if I didn’t and it all fell through who knows when she would be able to pay back the initial loan, she’d be in a real mess financially. I sent her an email to say that I wouldn’t see her lose the house and her money for the sake of a grand but at the same time my own finances were going to be pretty tight with our own house purchase and then me going onto maternity pay in the not too distant future. I said I’d lend her another 1k if she had no other options but we’d need to work out a repayment schedule. She said that if the overdraft didn’t come through in time she’d let me know and would be able to transfer the money straight back once it did or she’d set up a direct debit if for some reason she didn’t get it. Next day I get a message from her saying the overdraft still wasn’t showing on her account so I transferred the money and she completed her house purchase.
Nothing was ever mentioned again about this supposed overdraft and no money was transferred back. A couple of weeks later she sent me a message saying they were absolutely skint because of some unexpected moving expenses and could she start paying me back next month. I was a bit considering I had told her about my own finances being tight but said ok.
In the meantime DH and I have had an offer accepted on a house, the purchase is proceeding apace and we anticipate completion within a couple of months.
I’ve had a message from my friend today talking about a couple of big bills they have to pay relating to her old house, they’ve just had the final energy bills which were more than expected and they also have a big bill for storage costs for when they were between houses. She hasn’t said anything yet but I’m just waiting for her to ask for another month before she starts the repayments, I just feel like she’s building up to it.
Would IBU to say no? By a month ago she said she would repay the £1500. In fact she has repaid nothing and borrowed a further £1000. If I don’t get about a £1000 back in the next couple of months I will be short on my half of the fees. DH will be able to make up the difference but he will be pretty annoyed about it. The vast, vast majority of our house purchase has come from the equity from his property he owned when we met so I think that paying half the fees is really the least I can do. However she is a very good friend and I would feel bad about making her find me some money somehow, putting her under a lot of pressure and stress, just so my DH isn’t angry with me. At the same time I do think she is taking the piss a little bit in that she hasn’t ever said anything about what happened with the overdraft or that she was supposed to have paid me back in full by now or acknowledged the fact that the last 1k was supposed to be a very short term loan.
This whole thing is really tainting our friendship.
I've experienced similar before and as a result, never loan money expecting it back.
If she asks for another month, I'd make it clear that you're not happy but I don't see that you have any other choice but to accept.
Not accepting would further strain the relationship and make it even more unlikely that you'll ever see any repayments.
Could you suggest accepting repayments in installments? (£400 per month is better than £0) Make it very clear that you are unable to fulfil your obligations because of the situation that your friend has put you in.
Does your DH easily have that money to spare? If so I think it's a different situation to if you are both really struggling.
When I say "to spare" I don't mean you should give it to her, just that it is less of an emergency.
I think you need to let her know that it's not ok to keep bumping you down the list, because that is taking advantage of your friendship.
Maybe something like I am sorry you have these bills but I also have bills and I loaned you this money expecting you to pay me back as agreed. I need this money for my own bills and it isn't fair of you to prioritise everyone else over me, as though I will just wait until you have nothing else to pay before you give me back my money. It hurts me that you would use our friendship that way. Please stick to our arrangement about paying back my money.
ime, once money has changed hands, the friendship is fucked anyway. The lender becomes the bad guy. You may find you've little to lose in being direct.
Just ask her where the £1000 is that she was supposed to pay you back. You can discuss it calmly but make it clear that you need it back and you are not happy about the delay. If she's a real friend she'll understand and pay it back asap.
She couldn't afford this house could she?
I'd be asking for a payment schedule, has her overdraft not gone though yet ?
If I was a friend I'd be horrified not to be able to pay you back.
Ring her and say that you are now in the same position as she was and need the money back in order to complete on your new house. She needs to get an overdraft/credit card/whatever to pay you back.
Say nothing about you not actually needing the cash, just that your house purchase will fall through if she does not pay you back the money that allowed her to complete.
Then never, ever, ever lend to her again. You are her priority when she is in need but not when it comes to paying it back! She will always be a friend in need, but you have no responsibility to keep bailing her out!
Oh, and look up how to go to small claims court. Be prepared to be told you are a bitch, the bad guy.
Harden up, get the money back.
She's not being much of a friend. You need to be assertive.
Tell her you have a baby on the way, will shortly be starting mat leave and are expecting your own moving bills to be landing very soon.
Say that you assume she now has the overdraft and can pay you back the £1000 immediately, and that as her mortgage is now 330 less than her rent, the remaining £1500 Can easily be paid off in 4-5 months. Ask her to set up a standing order so that you can get organise your tight budget for the next few months.
What do you mean, "your half?" If you're married, with a baby on the way, surely it's a joint venture?
no more money to her. She clearly cannot budget, plan or organise and it is not your problem.
she'll never learn if she keeps being bailed out. Staggered you've already handed out these huge sums!
I'd bet also that the next 'unexpected expense' will be Christmas....
You'll never see the money again. I hope you can afford to write it off, because you wrote it off the moment you gave (not lent, gave) it to her.
Don't lend money to friends. Ever. If you are generous
and mad give them the money as a gift. If they can't borrow it commercially, and God knows commercial loans are hardly hard to get, then they aren't able to repay it, so you will never get it back. An expensive lesson to learn, sadly.
I can't understand why you haven't broached the subject of repayment. You must do it. She is not shy about talking about money with you, why don't you treat her the same?
I'd reply saying you were expecting the money back by now and you need your money back.
Why is your DHs money 'his' and your money 'yours', surely all money belongs to both of you?
Why is that such an issue?
OP said, she thinks it is only right that she uses some of her savings/money as her DH is using the equity of a house he owned before they met to buy them a together home. He would need to use less of it if she could contribute, seems an easy assumption.
After all, she has also said he isn't pissed off with her for not doing so!
I may be an old cynic but I doubt you'll get this money back. Personally, I don't think a 'very good friend' asks to borrow over two grand in the first place, let alone start buggering about delaying repayments.
And she's making these requests by e - mail? Not even talking about you about it face to face or even over the 'phone?.
Did you have a solicitor look over this agreement?. Sorry OP but I don't see her starting to pay this back any time soon.
Good luck getting the money back - we have twice
stupidly made loans of a similar sum, once to a friend and once to a family member - and never received a penny back. I know we could go to the small claims court but we won't, but it's taught us an expensive lesson.
"Neer a borrower nor a lender be" my old gran said and like most all of her wisdom was always correct;!.
Your "friend" is taking the pi** and isn't to be trusted. I wouldn't write of the money as yet and if you do things are likely to go downhill with your other half even more rapidly.
Suggest you arrange a meeting with her and get a spreadsheet drawn up there re usually in Microsoft office or similar and ask her to fill in her income and expenditure or else;!.
I think that if you try to work out a realistic repayment schedule that will be he best you can do now. Imply that if she doesn't then someone else your bank or make some outfit up will be after her as their in turn after you and its just a threat to poke her in the right direction and if no money is forthcoming shes for the high jump as it'll end up in the county court.
Get her to put it on a STANDING ORDER your more likely to be paid if it s done like that, that's if she does have any money left at all and you'll soon find out.
Its such a shame that decent nice people like yourself get taken for a ride by supposed friends its a real shame!.
As my grandma used to say,: "Neither a borrower or a lender be". Or, if there are circumstances where you decide to lend, only lend what you can afford to lose completely, on the basis of not expecting to see it back and being pleasantly surprised if it is repaid. Otherwise, as others have said, you land up being the baddy and friendships are ruined. Best of luck on this one!
What I meant to write was:
As my grandmother used to say: "Neither a borrower nor a lender be".
Aye thang yew.
I would tell your friend that you really do need this money to buy your house, so she does need to pay it back ASAP.
£2500 is a bloody lot of money and she has been taking advantage of you by not mentioning the £1000 she was due to pay back immediately.
I think you should get your money back asap - i also think you should have a clear discussion about why you and DH have separate finances as a family. Surely if you are sharing a chuld you share the money?
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