I don't know what to do. DH will go spare if I quit!
I was a SAHM (to 4DC) for almost 7 years until 4 months ago. DC4 started school last September and I started applying for jobs again in May this year. I got offered a job on the spot at the first interview I went to. I was shocked as I presumed with the big gap on my CV, it would take me months to get back into work and I imagined just getting some experience at attending interviews first! The job is within school hours (very flexible too), paid well (think full time wage for part time hours), offers private medical insurance, really good pension and good opportunities for me to move up if I want.
Problem is I was diagnosed with PTSD a few years ago after suffering from extreme anxiety and panic attacks since my DC2 died at birth 14 years ago. I was able to work fulltime until 7 years ago when I had to resign after suffering months of dizziness and palpations (also had a bullying colleague who did not like me it seems). I have had DC4(or 5 actually) since then and my anxiety around my DC's health/safety has increased exponentially.
A large part of my work in this job is attending very high level meetings 3/4 times a week and minuting them. Since I started here my anxiety has centered on me peeing myself. farting loudly and smellily or having sudden explosive diarrhoea whilst in these meetings. I have done everything - wear Tena ladys, go to the loo directly before I go in, wear 2 pairs of armour plated knickers etc and my anxiety during the meetings is so bad that I feel like I am going to faint any minute and cannot concentrate on what's being said.
HR know as I explained my mental health issues to them when I did actually leave a meeting, walk out of the office and resign. They reinstated me when I explained about the panic attacks (not the form they take of course!) and have been lovely telling me not to worry but I feel like an utter prick and so unprofessional.
I have never peed or pooped myself in public (as an adult, pissed myself at school when I was a shy 10 year old too afraid to put my hand in class to ask to go) and I know this is ridiculous but I simply cannot cope with the fear and dread anymore.
Any ideas on what to say to an (very unsupportive DH). I will have to accept that I will probably never work again, won't I? I feel like I am resigning my family to live in poverty as I need to work financially and we have suffered over the last few years as I used to always be the highest earner.
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AIBU?
to quit a well-paid school hours job due to panic attacks?
18 replies
PanickyPixie · 22/09/2015 12:37
OP posts:
Itsmine ·
22/09/2015 16:04
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