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To try and help this young man out?

(13 Posts)
Fisharepeopletoo Wed 16-Sep-15 22:54:22

I've just started uni and there is a young lad on the course who has Aspergers, I suspected straight away since my own ds has autism (albeit much more severe) and I recognised some of the traits.

Just wondering if there are any aspie parents that might be able to give me some pointers on how best to help him? I've heard that he is very able academically but struggles socially, which was apparent to everyone on the first day - he was shouting out in class a lot, talking over people etc.

There have already been people in the class expressing (behind his back) that they find him really irritating and will actively avoid talking to/working with him and I feel bad for him as I'm sure he is either unaware of how his behaviour appears to others or he can't really help it, or both.

I look at him and I think of how my ds might be at that age and I feel awful that he might go through the whole course with people not wanting to talk to him or work with him.

I don't want to seem patronising or anything, I'm sure his parents are working with him as much as they can but I'm just wondering if there is anything I can do to help that won't overstep the mark? Aibu for wanting to help?

NeedsAsockamnesty Wed 16-Sep-15 23:57:04

Two of mine have just started college,one gets a great deal of support from his peers because his difficulties are very visible the other has very significant issues more so than the more visibly disabled one yet because he's not so visibly disabled his peers dislike him intensely and he experances things not unlike what you have described that this boy does.

A saving grace for my son is he does not give a shit as he does not much care for people or friendship but I do suspect that he would find life a little easier if people treated him with a little understanding.

A simple solution is to just decide to not behave like the people in your class do, choose not to shun him, chose to be friendly polite and kind to him. Perhaps if you do others will follow

Fatmomma99 Thu 17-Sep-15 00:00:36

the colleague should have systems in place - talk to them.

CrohnicallyAspie Thu 17-Sep-15 06:58:37

All it would really be appropriate for you to do is make yourself available for working with him or chatting to him, maybe even try and strike up a bit of a friendship or mentor role.

Fisharepeopletoo Thu 17-Sep-15 14:57:08

Ok, will bear that in mind, thanks smile

Went in to uni again today and we (as a group) had to walk from one building to another, he was walking with the tutor because no one else would walk with him and a whole group of them were talking under their breath about him, comments about how they specifically went a different route so they could avoid him. Made me really angry, I mean, he's just a person like any other at the end of the day and if they were talking and laughing amongst themselves about how they were purposely excluding someone without a disability it would be classed as bullying surely?

I just kept my mouth shut for fear of saying something I shouldn't.

Micah Thu 17-Sep-15 15:09:46

Have you had it confirmed he has a diagnosis of aspergers?

It's not clear from your o/p whether you just think he has aspergers or whether someone has confirmed you suspicions (tutor, him..)

OneDay103 Thu 17-Sep-15 15:11:46

So you 'suspected' and diagnosed him yourself?

Fisharepeopletoo Thu 17-Sep-15 15:21:37

I suspected as soon as I met him but didn't say anything, then someone else commented about him when he was out of the room and the tutor confirmed that he has aspergers. So everyone in the class, including those sniggering behind his back, know.

Dawndonnaagain Thu 17-Sep-15 15:27:08

Nice people, eh.
If you're sure he has a diagnosis, go and talk to the disability team about him, they should have stuff in place, including training and mentors for him. As for the rest of the group, stop keeping quiet. Would they do this if someone had Cerebral Palsy? Tourettes? You bet your fucking life they wouldn't.
<I may have a son with AS and Tourettes at uni>

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Thu 17-Sep-15 15:27:39

DD has 3. Possibly 4 with aspergers in her class. Due to an issue i spoke with one of the boys parents. The class have never had a talk on this condition, they just see them as annoying, the others pretend to be a friend then stitch them up ... DD fights their corner sometimes if it get cruel. That said you are at uni. I would expect some understanding, but its rarely spoke about. Sorry no help.

OurBlanche Thu 17-Sep-15 15:51:20

Many moons ago I was on the same course as a pre-op transwoman. She was ostracised by the majority of the other students. There were about 4 of us, mature students who were also definitely well assimilated. So I asked her, at lunch one day, if she would like to join the rest of us normal folks and leave the children to their youthful japes.

She is still a good friend now and often says she was probably days away from walking off the course. Instead she gained the worst possible female friend, I have no dress sense, don't do make up and, to be frank, can't always remember to be PC enough ot to cause blushes!

So, if I were you, I would watch a little, identify a good, natural, opportunity to include him in your group for something like lunch or a lift. See how it goes and be prepared to back off quickly. He may have no desire to be 'saved' by anyone.

OurBlanche Thu 17-Sep-15 15:52:05

Sorry, mature students not well assimilated. Sports course all those young'uns thought we were past it!

Scobberlotcher Thu 17-Sep-15 15:55:47

Could you just be friendly?
Chat with him?
Maybe have a coffee?
Walk with him?

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