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Autism is a disability, right? - bus seat related

(486 Posts)

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SteampunkPrincess Wed 16-Sep-15 14:40:28

I think you were BU to be honest, it would not have been as easy for her to move to another seat

You could have asked other people to move, but if she had to do that it would take a lot more effort

littleducks Wed 16-Sep-15 14:41:47

I don't think they could draw a cartoon to illustrate hidden disabilities well which is why the symbol pictures a obv physical disability.

It sounds like you and the bus driver on this occasion handled it well.

InimitableJeeves Wed 16-Sep-15 14:42:30

Clearly you were entitled to sit there. It would be good if bus companies etc would include something indicating that the seats are also there for those with hidden disabilities. I know you really shouldn't have to justify yourself, but maybe it's worth getting a small laminated card printed confirming DD is disabled - psychologically people are more likely to be prepared to accept something official looking rather than a parent's word.

InimitableJeeves Wed 16-Sep-15 14:43:50

Why was OP unreasonable, steampunk? Her child is disabled, the woman was not. Why on earth should the woman have had a better right to the seat?

ProudAS Wed 16-Sep-15 14:44:41

If other people were prepared to move and it wouldn't have affected your DD then that would have been the thing to do but causing her distress for another passenger's convenience is not OK.

Assuming that all disabilities are visible is unacceptable too.

RainbowFlutterby Wed 16-Sep-15 14:44:59

And if an elderly person with one of those wheeled walking frames got on...?

It's more of a mobility thing isn't it?

<says someone with a hidden disability>

onthematleavecountdown Wed 16-Sep-15 14:45:23

yanbu, first come first served. There will be situations when there will be no available seats if they are taken by other people who are entitled to use them. What will you do then?

LeChien Wed 16-Sep-15 14:45:23

I think YANBU.
Although folding the buggy may be a nuisance for her, but your dd has a disability which trumps a buggy any day.
Disability is disability whether it's hidden or not.

Print this out and stick it next to the wheelchair sign.

littleducks Wed 16-Sep-15 14:45:29

I think is far easier to move a toddler than a 10 yr old child with ASD who gets distressed if the seating isn't they way she expects actually Steampunk

Doublebubblebubble Wed 16-Sep-15 14:47:42

Hmmmm.... I honestly think that you may have been a tiny bit u.

Could you not have stood with your DD - you say she is 10, so it really isn't like she couldn't have held on to the bars...

I'm a regular bus user and am currently 37+3 weeks (still at work so have to get 2 buses a day and tube) and I cant say that I would have been happy if you hadn't of let me sit down. The priority seats are the only ones I can get in and out of at the moment... So id have probably asked you to have your DD on your lap if I really wasn't possible for you to both stand. It was completely wrong of the mum with the buggy to have said what she said though! X

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 16-Sep-15 14:48:31

No issue here with how you handled that and I hated folding my buggy with a passion. I think we do need to do a better job of educating people about additional needs that aren't physical. Your child needed the seat.

LeChien Wed 16-Sep-15 14:49:11

Those of you who think she IBU, do you have any experience of ASD?

lushilaoshi Wed 16-Sep-15 14:49:12

Couldn't you have stood up and let her and your son sit down?

lushilaoshi Wed 16-Sep-15 14:49:32

Sorry, daughter!

hedgehogsdontbite Wed 16-Sep-15 14:49:48

YANBU

My DD used to get so much grief for taking up a priority seat on the way too and from school. She has autism too so travelling on her own was a big deal. She could only cope by sitting in the single, side facing priority seat directly behind the driver. Of course being a teenager meant she couldn't possibly be disabled hmm

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Wed 16-Sep-15 14:49:58

I understand why you sat where you did. DS1 has ASD & if he needed to sit by a window, he would have needed to sit by a window at that age. No window seat being available would have led to either waiting for the next bus or a complete meltdown.

Had there been other seats available - two together, one by the window, when the woman had boarded then you should have moved. But if there were no such seats then you were fine to stay put.

It is quite difficult for anyone with no true experience of ASD to understand why a healthy looking person cannot just sit anywhere. DS1 is 18 now, and whilst he never had an issue about which seat he was sitting in on a bus, train etc. it could never be immediately next to a stranger. He's getting a bit better with it, but even now he prefers to stand rather than sit by a stranger.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Wed 16-Sep-15 14:52:14

hedgehogs that's the seat DS1 feels most comfortable in too smile.

DixieNormas Wed 16-Sep-15 14:54:57

Ds4 has asd and I can imagen not being able to move him once we've sat down when he gets older. Atm it's not an issue as he's in a pushchair, which we can never get on the bus with.

So yanbu

ThumbWitchesAbroad Wed 16-Sep-15 14:55:37

Good for your bus driver!

The only other thing you could have done was to maybe ask someone if they would mind moving so you could sit next to your DD in the non-priority seats; but you were within your rights to sit where you did, and your needs trumped buggy woman's.

She lost any sympathy from me straight off for saying your DD "looked all right to her" - does she have X-ray and MRI capability built in, eh? Can she see all the inner health and neurological conditions someone may suffer from at a glance? Unlikely, so that was a crass and ridiculous statement.
THe clue's in the term "hidden disability".

RaspberrySwitchblade Wed 16-Sep-15 14:56:07

YANBU

my DD has ASD, i understand that public transport can be extremely difficult to navigate

the woman with the pushchair was being U

well done to the bus driver too thanks

LarrytheCucumber Wed 16-Sep-15 14:56:22

Unfortunately people assume that the seats are for those with obvious physical disabilities. My DD has MS and has issues with balance, tremors etc, not to mention severe nerve pain, which are not immediately obvious. She has been asked to vacate seats before now too, because people look at her and think she can't possibly be disabled.

katienana Wed 16-Sep-15 14:59:33

I think it's understandable that the other mum didn't understand. Explaining the consequences of you moving would be the best way forward I think.

Mrsjayy Wed 16-Sep-15 15:02:34

Urgh people actually saying yau on here of course you were not a pram can be bloody folded your dd wasnt sitting there because she wanted it your dd has a disability you were there first pram woman could either fold her buggy or wait on another bus. I dont look disabled sitting down im not a wheelchair user or an elderly woman with a walker i sit in priority bus seats when i can and if the bus is full i cant move for a pram and stand

BlackeyedSusan Wed 16-Sep-15 15:04:18

hollow laughter... easier to move a child with autism... sometimes yes... sometimes.. well, yeah if cleaning up bits of parent, passengers and bus is easy, yes...

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