To not support a friend

(13 Posts)
vulgarbunting Sat 12-Sep-15 21:45:19

A friend of mine wants to break up with her boyfriend. I get text messages every other day from her telling me how unhappy she is/what an arse he is (and he really is an arse, it would definitely be a good thing if they broke up).

She just sent me a message saying that she will need someone to fill the gap that he leaves if they break up, and will I be up for going on nights out to fill the gap?

The trouble is, I really don't want to. She lives a two hour drive for me, so a night out will take over the whole weekend. I have recently come out of a horrendously stressful time, and my husband and I have agreed that we will spend a couple of months focussing on us as a couple, and enjoying our life together. I really don't enjoy big nights out with lots of drinking and sticky floors and letchy men and inevitable hangovers.

I want to support her, but I feel like I can't agree to what she wants. Am I BU? Should I support her as a friend despite the impact on my life? If not, how do I respond?

OneDay103 Sat 12-Sep-15 21:48:13

Yanbu, she sounds very needy informing you that she 'needs someone to fill the gap'. It's not practical for you to be on call 2 hours away, and you tell her just that. You have your own stuff going on, and she can't expect you to centre your life around her.

saoirse31 Sat 12-Sep-15 22:16:01

Think she needs to grow up tbh.

ImperialBlether Sat 12-Sep-15 22:20:45

She needs a single friend. It's too much to ask a married friend to go out with her on huge nights out so that she can cop off with someone, particularly as you don't even live anywhere near her.

pictish Sat 12-Sep-15 22:20:59

Just tell her you're not gap filling material as travelling twp hours to go on nights out sounds like your idea of hell. Be honest. I would if someone asked this of me.
"Ha ha ha noooooo."

ImperialBlether Sat 12-Sep-15 22:21:47

She's not asking you to support her. She's asking you to neglect your husband and go clubbing with her. Tell her you'll support her by phone.

sonjadog Sat 12-Sep-15 22:23:48

I think you can be honest with her. Tell her that you and your husband have agreed that your main focus will be the two of you for a while so no, you won't be able to fill the gap. She's an adult, she will have to deal with it herself.

pictish Sat 12-Sep-15 22:24:54

I think it's an outrageous ask btw.

Aridane Sun 13-Sep-15 08:55:30

You can support her in other ways - just tell here - she's your friend

DoreenLethal Sun 13-Sep-15 08:58:38

Why would it be you that has to travel to hers?

Just say 'you are more than welcome to come over now and again sweetie but don't think about the gap, think about the freedom'.

Sunshineandsilverbirch Sun 13-Sep-15 09:08:44

I think it would a good idea for your friend to spend some time learning to be on her own and grown up a bit

Nanny0gg Sun 13-Sep-15 09:11:49

'Fill the gap'?

That's not friendship. If you were single and a new man came along she'd dump you in a heartbeat.

Let her find someone else to use.

Bullshitbingo Sun 13-Sep-15 09:17:50

Agree with pp. support her by phone, offer your house for her to visit you if you're so inclined, but be honest that the single phase of your life is over.

Suggest she finds some single friends to go out with, but your shoulder is always there for a cry then switch your phone off when you go to bed so you don't have to deal with the inevitable 2am 'why can't I find a nice maaaan' call

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now