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Tricky one - sibling warfare

(15 Posts)
MistressChalk Fri 11-Sep-15 13:23:58

I still live at home with my parents while in the process of moving into my DPs house (we need to redecorate everything so more logical for me to stay at home till we have finished).
My parents have gone away on holiday and my younger brother is at home before he goes back to uni so it's just us in the house. Yesterday he texted to ask if he could have some friends over. I didn't want to say no so I explained I hadn't been sleeping well and very stressed at work so whilst I had no problem could it please be only a few friends and could they keep it down after 11. No problem he says so all is good and I left them to it. Stupid mistake.
Apparently 22 year old men still haven't learnt how to be considerate or respectful to others. One of them is also a father so they aren't all uni kids, some work full time and some study. At midnight I had 4 guys in the bathroom next to my room raucously cheering on one who was chundering. One of them then shouted for the rest to come at watch and continued shouting a conversation with someone downstairs. I realise I should have said something at this point but I just grit my teeth and they eventually all went back downstairs and I dropped off to sleep.
At 1:30 in the morning I was woken up by them all screaming at the TV. Properly screaming on and on. I lost it at this point and stormed downstairs. I told them all to shut the fuck up and get out NOW! I did also call them a bunch of disrespectful, inconsiderate cunts who have no awareness of their actions and the effect on other people, pointing out that in the adjoining house there was a toddler, a 6 month old and a teenager as well as two adults who all had lives to live tomorrow whilst they could be lying in bed all day doing fuck all. I'll admit it was OTT but I just flipped.
My brother looked suitably ashamed and said sorry and the noise died down and I didn't get woken up again.
This morning the house was a state, the kitchen was covered in sick, beer, food and god knows what else. One of his friends had stayed over and woke up when I went into the living room and grinned at me and said 'oh sorry about the noise last night!' While laughing. I completely ignored him as I had nothing constructive to say as I was still raging and his chirpy attempt at an apology just made me want scream.
I have calmed down now but I don't know what to say to my brother tonight when I get back from work. I'd like to explain calmly that he's an adult and that he has to start being considerate and the general behaviour was out of order. WIBU to bring it up or should I just let it go? I'm angry now because I found joints lying around and my dads anniversary present to my mum lying amongst their debris as they'd obviously been playing with it which makes me sad at the level of disrespect he has.

Wineandrosesagain Fri 11-Sep-15 13:33:13

First thing I would suggest you do is make contact with him and tell him to clean the house from top to bottom before you get home. Just so he doesn't try to leave it for you to do!

Then I would tell him tonight that he has been very disrespectful of your parents' home, of you, and of the neighbours and therefore you won't agree to any other parties whilst parents are away. Then leave it at that.

catfordbetty Fri 11-Sep-15 13:38:11

Crack on with the redecorating, move and leave bro out of the housewarming.

MaxPepsi Fri 11-Sep-15 13:51:36

What you say to him will surely depend on whether he's
a) cleaned the house properly
b) apologises to you for being a twat
c) promises not to invite his dickhead mates again.

If he's done all the above then no need for a talk. If not, then you need to spell it out to him.

MistressChalk Fri 11-Sep-15 14:21:59

I think for peace I will just leave it but obviously none of his friends are welcome again. Thing is he does this a lot and my parents never pull him up on his actions, he's never accountable and just does what he likes without thinking of the effect on other people. A month ago I said that I had to travel away with work for a few days next week and someone needs to look after our dog, he said he'd be around so all was fine then a few days before my parents went away he decided he'd go on holiday when he knew I was away and booked it before double checking! As a result he's managed to guilt trip my grandparents, both in their 80s and my grandfather barely able to walk as he has cancer, to come and look after the dog. I will be away so can't pick them up and it doesn't tie in properly with his schedule so they are having to get three buses and a train plus 10 minute walk to get here. My DP is also away and I had no one I could get at short notice to cover instead.
I feel I can't say anything to him if my parents choose not to as I'm not there to parent him but I feel like telling him that he's not a teenager anymore and as an adult other people will and do judge him for his actions and he needs to grow up a but. In my head 22 isn't young enough to shirk responsibilities.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed Fri 11-Sep-15 14:32:09

I mean I guess the behaviour isn't great but some people are still pretty immature at that age. I think in some ways he's pretty considerate. I wouldn't of texted my sister to ask if I can have my friends round and unless you've left something out (like paying a substantial portion of rent/mortgage) then I don't really understand why you think you'd be able to ban his friends from coming round ?

It's shit and disrespectful, but I've heard worse and you do sound a bit highly strung. You didn't behave in a particularly 'adult' fashion when you went in shouting and screaming.

MistressChalk Fri 11-Sep-15 14:40:39

Bugger of course I pay my share in rent to cover utilities/mortgage etc. He doesn't even though he could afford to but understandable since he's still at university for most of the year. I didn't go in shouting and screaming I was just very firm and direct although I will admit it wasn't my finest moment but listening to men screaming and shouting till the early hours of the morning can be a bit wearing.
I'd have no issue with it if it was a Friday or Saturday night but If he had friends over again it would be the same ones from last night who have imo disrespected our house as well as our neighbours and I don't particularly want to share my living space with them.

TeaPleaseLouise Fri 11-Sep-15 14:42:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsGentlyBenevolent Fri 11-Sep-15 14:42:17

At 22 it's really disrespectful. Fair enough if it was his own house he and his Nate's did this too, but it isn't. This is a family home with people who didn't want to be part of a frat party. I say this as someone who had a couple of big student house parties at that age - no way would I have done it in a parents house, and if I had the place would have been spotless by lunchtime (hangover or not). Your brother needs to grow up, I don't blame you for losing it at all.

MistressChalk Fri 11-Sep-15 14:55:11

He's texted me to say sorry and also that my grandad has to go into hospital for a blood transfusion so I'm going to have to kennel the dog. He's old though and hates other dogs plus gets stressed very easily so he won't eat and will come back miserable but I don't have any other options this last minute. I can't exactly ask the neighbours after last night either...but it will of course be ME sorting this out as he wont bother to or will ask one of his dickhead mates. Like I'd trust one of them alone in the house...

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone Fri 11-Sep-15 15:53:36

I hope you come home to a spotless house op! Totally unacceptable behaviour from them.

Can you get a dog sitter who will have the dog at their house? My friends dog was so miserable in kennels that she didn't eat for three days. Now they use a local dog walker who has the dog in her home. The dog loves it and comes home knackered from so much fun.

ScarletRuby Fri 11-Sep-15 16:03:23

You sound more like his mum than the older sister.

beaucoupdemojo Fri 11-Sep-15 16:12:14

Nothing you have said or done sounds remotely unreasonable to me.

Of course you sound like his mum - he's behaving like a child. Someone has to tell him his behaviour is not on and given your parents absence, naturally it is falling to you. I imagine scarlet that if you were the neighbour with the sleeping kids, you might be quite glad that the OP is dealing with him!

Spydra Fri 11-Sep-15 18:05:10

Are there no pet sitting services around who will pop in to walk and feed the dog? Cheaper (and nicer for the dog) than kennels.

MistressChalk Fri 11-Sep-15 18:19:12

I'm looking online now for dog sitters whilst trying to find anyone in my phone book who I could possibly ask. I'm going to go over to the neighbours and apologise for last night anyway as we get on very well and they're too nice to ever complain. If I can't find anything else I'll ask them as a last resort. I've shifted things around at work so I'm only away for 2 nights instead of 3. House was being cleaned as I got in, DP and I are getting takeaway tonight so I've offered an olive branch in the form of a curry. We went through a phase of falling out every time he came back home (usually for similar behaviour) and I'm trying my best to repair our relationship a bit.

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