Tonight DS was in a bit of a strange mood and wouldn't eat his dinner. We thought he was just in a strop as he'd been sent to his room earlier for being rude but then he suddenly burst into tears and came for a hug and said that when he is alone he can't stop thinking about and worrying about death. He was really hysterical and couldn't stop crying and shaking (and farting!) - saying that not knowing what happens afterwards and the fact you can't come back is bothering him the most. DH did reassure him that everybody is afraid of death and that's good, because it's what keeps us alive, but then put his foot in it by saying that he believes there is nothing after death (and that's why he thinks life is so important to spend well.)
I had to go to work (he has the best timing!) but I gave him a long cuddle, reassured him nobody we know is dying any time soon and then left him with DH and he seemed okay when I left, and briefly when I got back he was still awake but it was after bedtime so he gave me a quick kiss and then went back to bed and he was cheerful enough then. But he hadn't eaten any of his dinner.
I can't stop thinking about it now. We are atheists and our policy has always been to explain all kinds of religious and spiritual beliefs as "Some people believe that..." or "Some people think that..." but we have always stated that nobody really knows this stuff. Now I'm thinking maybe we've got this glaringly wrong? Maybe at six you need a nice fluffy story about an endlessly fun place with everyone who ever loved you and a kind person who will hold your hand and look after you when you're there? Now I think back, I have always had a concept of an afterlife and that must have come from something I was told as a child. And while as an adult I find the idea of a god anything but comforting, children find the idea of being alone so frightening and he has already worked out that DH and I will die before he does so maybe that is what he is imagining?
I'm really upset to think that he has been so distressed about it. What do you think? I haven't had a chance to talk to DH yet so will obviously see what he thinks too but I am leaning towards let's just agree on a story and tell him the story for now, and he'll still be able to work out his own beliefs when he's older. It's just after I was marvelling recently at the genius of whoever invented the tooth fairy, too, thinking oh, that could be really scary for children and instead somebody made it into something exciting! Am totally kicking myself now. DH is more matter of fact than I am, and DS is more like me, ie, a total overthinker!
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AIBU?
To lie to my six year old about the afterlife?
50 replies
BertieBotts · 09/09/2015 21:21
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