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to be upset at this (DM related)?

(54 Posts)
CocktailQueen Tue 08-Sep-15 07:55:23

Got back from hols 2 weeks ago. Big trip, v exciting (to us!). Spoke to Dm the day after we got back and she was dismissive, very 'we've been there. Seen that' so I felt deflated. Haven't rung her since.

DD started new school last week and ds went back to school yesterday - no call/email/text from DM or DDad (but DM usually contacts us).

Dm rang last night and asked how everything was. I said I felt hurt that she didn't listen to me and didn't seem interested in the dc. (My dsis lives close to Dm and Ddad and they see a lot of her dc). Dm said she had no idea and that she was sorry, treats us the same, etc.

I was crying on the phone to dm last night and then ddad came on phone to talk to me. First thing he said was, how was your holiday? I just said, it was 2 weeks ago!! (Thought: If you were interested then maybe you could have rung then?) Put down phone, upset.

AIBU? Am I over-reacting? There is a history of dm not listening, this isn't the first occurrence. Not sure whether I'm being pathetic here or not. I don't feel listened to. I don't think dm thins as much of my dc as she does of her other gc. And that makes me feel bad.

Feel sad for the dc that their only GPs didn't give enough of a toss to ring them and wish them good luck for school too. We live 500 miles apart and saw DPs for a week at start of school hols, after they'd come back from holiday, and they were full of their holiday and talked about it a lot when we saw them. Which is fair enough. But I'd like the same courtesy too.

Advice? We don't usually talk about things in our family, just sweep them under the carpet, but I would like to deal with this in an adult way and move on. Worried I might feel uncomfortable on phone to them from now on - they pretending to be interested in what we're doing because I've told them they're not interested enough?

DirtyMugPolice Tue 08-Sep-15 07:57:23

Why don't you ever ring them? Do you show interest in them too?

RainbowFlutterby Tue 08-Sep-15 08:01:36

Tbh I think you over-reacted.

I wouldn't phone my mum just to ask how her holiday went as soon as she got back and she wouldn't call me. Likewise my dad would ask when he next spoke to me. We are a very close family.

OneDay103 Tue 08-Sep-15 08:01:51

I think your reactions are a bit ott. Crying over not the holiday reaction? They might have been there and seen that so can't see what the problem is. On the first day of school why didn't you call them?

YANAgurl1973 Tue 08-Sep-15 08:06:09

Sounds like the parents have form for this and understandable that the op is peed off and feels they maybe also favour the other GC?

DisappointedOne Tue 08-Sep-15 08:06:38

YABU. You don't know what else may have been going on in their lives (as you don't seem to have rung them or asked how they are, it's just about you, you, you).

MythicalKings Tue 08-Sep-15 08:10:19

YABU. Total over reaction.

WeirdCatLadySaysFuckOffJeffrey Tue 08-Sep-15 08:12:50

Is there some reason you didn't bother to call them about your dc starting school? Contact works both ways you know.

And crying because your parents didn't get over excited about your holiday? Really? Is there something else going on? Because that seems like an overly dramatic reaction.

Bullshitbingo Tue 08-Sep-15 08:16:16

I can't say you are being unreasonable to be upset that they don't make more of an effort with you and your dc, if that's how you feel, that's valid. It sounds like they could be better.
BUT, it sounds like your dm was open to hearing how you felt about it and you putting the phone down on your df because he asked about your holiday a bit late sounds childish in the extreme. Call them back when you're calm, tell them how you feel. Be adult, resist the urge to throw your toys out of your pram if the convo doesn't go how you'd like.

Nottalotta Tue 08-Sep-15 08:16:20

I don't think ywbu to be annoyed over the holiday conversation. But crying on the phone to your mum seems bit excessive. And your dad asked about your holiday, which is perfectly normal especially if its the first time you had spoken to him.

Sounds like you need to communicate a bit more - it does read like you've made start on that with telling your mum how you feel.

So yes, in general, Yab a bit u.

onthematleavecountdown Tue 08-Sep-15 08:17:57

How often do you phone them for a chat or just to ask what they have been up to?

CocktailQueen Tue 08-Sep-15 08:30:59

Thanks for replies so far. To those saying IABU, try reading all my original post. I said there is history there. We tend to take turns in ringing so it is fairly equal. I didn't ring again after we got back from holiday because DM upset me with her 'we've been there' and not listening, so I thought, what's the point?

I only put the phone down on Dad as I was upset, not cross!

And to those asking why didn't I ring them about school, you wouldn't ring someone to remind them if was your birthday, would you? It's the sort of thing they should remember for themselves. IMO.

PennyHasNoSurname Tue 08-Sep-15 08:35:52

Theyve had their kids though. Whilst it is nice to remember and inquire, your kids arent their kids. They may think a call after the start of school is sufficient.

You sound really quite over sensitive about it all.

And so ypur dad asked how the holiday was two weeks after youve been - why is that bad?! My dad lives at the bottom of the street and we usually see each other once a week, and he would.probably do the same, "So how was the holiday last month?"

ceyes03 Tue 08-Sep-15 08:39:29

And to those asking why didn't I ring them about school, you wouldn't ring someone to remind them if was your birthday, would you? It's the sort of thing they should remember for themselves. IMO.

Good god, why? Your kids aren't starting school for the first time, they're just going back to school after the holidays!

You're being extremely precious. Bit ludicrous, actually.

RainbowFlutterby Tue 08-Sep-15 08:40:51

I'm sorry, but I still think you're over-reacting. I've re-read your OP too. To be so upset you put the phone down on your dad because he was (in your opinion) "late"asking about your holiday is quite brattish. Sticking rigidly to "taking turns" is very childish too. And how on earth do you equate starting school with a birthday?

KanyeWestPresidentForLife Tue 08-Sep-15 08:41:56

Even with a history getting upset over your mother not showing sufficient interest in your holiday is waaaaay OTT. As is expecting her to mind read that you're not calling because you're cross and not busy.

I don't think starting school is anything like a birthday. It's nice if someone calls, but not a big deal if you ring them to tell them either.

Sorry, YABU.

Moregravyplease Tue 08-Sep-15 08:43:42

You are over sensitive and wouldn't have survived in the family I was brought up in.

I would fathom there is more to this than written as I'm struggling how to see this is an issue at all. I'm sorry you feel so sad but you need to look to your emotional well being and question why you get upset so easily.

Shutthatdoor Tue 08-Sep-15 08:45:15

Sorry OP but YABU and a tad OTT.

You sound a little bit like hard work tbh. Why should your DPs automatically remember when your DCs go back to school? Comparing it to forgetting birthdays is seriously overly dramatic.

PotteringAlong Tue 08-Sep-15 08:46:33

Complete over reaction.

CocktailQueen Tue 08-Sep-15 08:46:46

OK. Thanks. I knew I shouldn't have posted on IABU.

Runningupthathill82 Tue 08-Sep-15 08:48:26

Sorry, another one who thinks YABU.

Thing is, "how was your holiday" conversations are usually very dull, and I can't blame your mum for being a bit "I've been there."
If my mum rang me to wax lyrical about, say, the Grand Canyon or the Palace of Versailles, I think I'd make polite noises and, yes, probably would be a bit "yes, it's great, but I've been there so don't need to hear much more." Especially if I was busy at the time.

If she was still bothered about it the next time we were on the phone, to the point that she then burst into tears, I'd think she was being a tad unhinged and a complete drama queen.

As for the starting school stuff - your mum did ring to ask, didn't she? Just not on the actual day. I think you've really overreacted here and need to calm down.

If you get upset to the point of tears so easily, and put the phone down on your dad when he asks about your hols, it's not really surprising they don't ring more often.

Funinthesun15 Tue 08-Sep-15 08:50:38

If you get upset to the point of tears so easily, and put the phone down on your dad when he asks about your hols, it's not really surprising they don't ring more often.

Have to say I agree.

It all seems very dramatic and I neccessary hmm

Funinthesun15 Tue 08-Sep-15 08:51:09


PotteringAlong Tue 08-Sep-15 08:52:05

Do you think you shouldn't have posted here because we don't all agree with you?

CocktailQueen Tue 08-Sep-15 08:54:11

No. Because I'm already upset and didn't need loads of people telling me IABU. My fault.

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