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3 DC in a box room, AIBU?

(233 Posts)
Robinredtip Sun 06-Sep-15 11:05:37

Ex and I get on fine, 4 years post divorce. He rents a house with 3 bedrooms and has done since we divorced.

He has been with his new partner for 2 years, kids like her and they all get on well.

He called last night to say that he and partner are moving in together and would be telling the DC today (was nice of him to call beforehand).

I presumed she would be moving in with him, but he said that he is moving into her house (2 bed, one of which is a box room). I asked how that was going to work with the DC, he said it will be fine we'll work something out. I asked how they were all going to fit in a double room and he then said, "no they are going in the box room" hmm.

DC have stayed there a few times and two of them sleep in a single bed (top and tail) and 1 of them sleeps on the floor in a sleeping bag.

He said I couldn't expect him and partner to take the box room. I left the conversation at this point and said well you'll have to discuss it with the DC. He thinks there will only be a problem if I "put it into their heads there is a problem"

AIBU to think that it's not OK? They sleep at his 2 nights a week and 2 weeks in the holidays. DD has just started her periods and should have a space of her own and a bed of her own.

Robinredtip Sun 06-Sep-15 11:06:47

DC are 11, 8 and 5

Gileswithachainsaw Sun 06-Sep-15 11:08:17

I have no experience of split families really but my first thought is that when making a decision about where to live then if one of the people has kids then that should feature in the decision. yy your dd will need her own bed.

SleepyForest Sun 06-Sep-15 11:09:28

It might be fine for a few months but they are all going to grow. It's up to him though, he is a parent.

Gileswithachainsaw Sun 06-Sep-15 11:09:30

feature heavily that should say.

and where financially possible. obviously some on unemployed or on a low income job has little choice about what they can afford.

Artandco Sun 06-Sep-15 11:10:30

Tbh I think it's ok. That's the size of the house and they have to adapt to it.

If they currently top and tail and one on the floor it's going to be an upgrade surely?

Bunkbeds. Eldest on the top, younger two sharing in the bottom, or a pull out bed underneath. Once they start staying there your ex dh can see whether it works or not, and will have to review it later if it doesn't work

We live in a one bed flat, withy dh, myself and two children. So I'm obviously not opposed to sharing.

I think they can keep possessions in living room more than bedroom so bedroom mainly for sleeping

iamlionesshearmeroar Sun 06-Sep-15 11:12:00

How old/what sex are the DC? UK law states that children of different ages can only share a room up until age 10, and it sounds like your DD needs her own space anyway with starting periods etc. In any case, they are likely to outgrow the box room very quickly, this sounds like a ridiculous set-up no matter what ages they are.

iamlionesshearmeroar Sun 06-Sep-15 11:13:59

Just saw ages, I guess fine for the moment but will still outgrow the space pretty quickly.

Robinredtip Sun 06-Sep-15 11:14:26

They are top and tailing/on the floor at the partners house now (only a few times because they are usually at ex's). At his house they have two bedrooms. One for the girls and DS has a box room to himself.

I'm not bothered about sharing, they share at my house and I don't think kids need their own rooms. But 3DC in a box room is v squashed. DD says you can't get the door open when DS is on the floor so I think it is a real box room.

Robinredtip Sun 06-Sep-15 11:15:34

DD 11

DS 8

DD 5

SusanIvanova Sun 06-Sep-15 11:16:02

Why is he giving up his 3 bed for a smaller house? Madness.

He is being unreasonable though, I moved from having a lovely large bedroom to the box room and I hated it. But that was just me, 3 kids of those ages piled into the one tiny box room is a recipe for disaster.

Gileswithachainsaw Sun 06-Sep-15 11:17:03

I would be surprised why he would choose to go from the house he has to a house unfit for his families needs.

wowfudge Sun 06-Sep-15 11:18:01

UK law - really?

WildStallions Sun 06-Sep-15 11:18:30

It's not good, even with a bunk bed, but u don't think there's anything you can do about it.

DisappointedOne Sun 06-Sep-15 11:20:16

UK law states that children of different ages can only share a room up until age 10,

Oh no it doesn't. There are regulations applied for tenants in social housing/on housing benefit, but anyone else can do whatever they like/need to to get by.

Seriouslyffs Sun 06-Sep-15 11:20:29

iamalioness that's wrong about sharing rooms.

OneDay103 Sun 06-Sep-15 11:20:32

I think it's fine to share, and even if your dd has hit puberty there isn't necessarily a need for her to have her own space. However that room is just too small, sounds a bit suffocating with 3 fairly bigger sized kids as opposed to under 5's.
Why is he moving though? Makes sense for him to keep the bigger place.

Gileswithachainsaw Sun 06-Sep-15 11:21:40

I think.its truly unacceptable that your older dd can't leave the room to clean up in the bathroom with the door being blocked off by her brothers sleeping bag.

I would not be surprised if you reported she was reluctant to go and I think you should be supportive of that

BeautifulBatman Sun 06-Sep-15 11:21:47

Regardless of ages, it's VVVU to cram 3 kids into a box room. YANBU OP.

Robinredtip Sun 06-Sep-15 11:22:31

I don't think it's UK law, it's the rules that housing associations go by for overcrowding. Don't think it has any bearing on private housing.

His rental is coming to an end and his partner owns her house so presumably she doesn't want to sell? I don't know, not really my business. I'm just concerned that the DC will feel like an afterthought.

No idea where all their stuff will go as they have a playroom at their dads at the moment. DD says partners house is lounge, kitchen diner. Certainly no spare rooms for stuff.

jacks365 Sun 06-Sep-15 11:23:08

There could be reasons for it being this way round, you mention he rents does his girlfriend own her own home or could he have been given notice because his landlord wants to sell or something, is the girlfriend living in council/housing association property and would they reasonably be expected to be rehoused due to overcrowding or if they are both in private rents could this be being done to give them more priority for a council/housing association property.

Have you asked him why the decision was made to move into the smaller property?

AuditAngel Sun 06-Sep-15 11:23:33

Would one of the bunks with a 3/4 size on the bottom fit? Or bunks with a truckle beneath. My kids often choose to top and tail, but they can bail out if they need more space.

My DC are 11, 8 and about to turn 5 so I do understand their needs, both older DC say little one rwriggles too much to be nice to share with.

StarlingMurmuration Sun 06-Sep-15 11:23:39

It sounds like the box room would be too small for ex and new partner to share anyway, they wouldn't be able to squeeze a double bed in there... Has he said why they're moving into her house instead of his?

juneau Sun 06-Sep-15 11:23:43

IMO no, this is not okay. If it was at grandma's house where they stayed a couple of nights every now and again it wouldn't be ideal, but it would have to do. Somewhere they stay every single week and for two weeks at a time in the holidays? No way. Particularly as they're all on the cusp of puberty too. One DD has already started her periods and at least needs not to be sharing with her brother. As for not being able to get the door open. Your ex is putting his dick before his three DC. The gf needs to move into his or they need to get a new place with two rooms for the DC - girls in one, boy in the other.

Sillybillybonker Sun 06-Sep-15 11:24:13

It is not ideal at all but I don't see what you can do about it. Just wait until he gets sick of it himself. He won't like the house being cramped either.

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