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Feeling angry that my DH has sold my car to buy himself a new one.

(261 Posts)
Deeznutz Thu 03-Sep-15 14:53:38

I am probably BU but am feeling more upset today than I thought I would. My DH bought me my dream little car for a special birthday three years ago ( a second hand fiat but I loved it) .For the last year he has been going on about how much it costs to run two cars and how I could do all my shopping online. We have a comfortable income which we both contribute towards.

I have felt a bit pressured into it if I'm being honest. I am a carer and he is a top civil servant although I was working in a good career until my son was diagnosed with autism and other disabilities.

In the last few weeks he went out and bought a large car putting my car and his three year old car towards it plus some savings.I said I wanted to see it first because we are supposed to be sharing it and I have only driven small cars and feel unsure about driving something so big. He bought it when I was caring for the children saying it was such a good deal he couldn't wait. He registered my car in his name despite the fact it was supposed to be a gift for me and just went and traded it in.

I think today I have had a delayed reaction as I feel uncharacteristically furious. I never cry but just can't seem to stop bursting into tears. It takes forty minutes to walk to my nearest town and I have a dog to walk as well ( it needs an 1.5 hours) that he got and never walks himself so it has fallen to me to pick up the slack. I have never expressed a desire to own a dog and don't enjoy having one. I recognise that family life is about compromise but it seems as if I am the only one compromising.

He is currently trying to smooze me which is making me angrier and angrier.


y0rkier0se Thu 03-Sep-15 14:55:32

YANBU, you need to retain some independence, I'm not saying he's controlling but you'll lose who you are if you've given up your career, and now your freedom to go anywhere :-(

OxfordCommoner Thu 03-Sep-15 14:55:32


Yanbu at all. What a wanky thing for him to do.

londonrach Thu 03-Sep-15 14:56:10

Yabu. Did he ask you before selling his birthday present to you. Hugs. I love my old car id be really upset if anymore sold it from underneath me. Xx

londonrach Thu 03-Sep-15 14:56:30

Yanbu..extra n..silly ipad

AnUtterIdiot Thu 03-Sep-15 14:56:58

Unbelievably selfish, OP, I am fuming for you. You're walking his dog and primarily responsible for your disabled son and you live 40 minutes away from the nearest town and he sold your car? Go ahead and be really fucking angry. Please.

BrockAuLit Thu 03-Sep-15 14:58:07

YANBU. He has ridden roughshod over you. Your thoughts and feelings didn't matter to him. I too would feel hurt, sidelined, ignored, taken for granted. The dog thing would make me feel as though my role in his life was to do his grunt work for him.

I would have a serious discussion about the dog, tell him you just don't want the extra work. If he wants to keep the dog, he has to walk it.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Thu 03-Sep-15 14:58:23

How often are you going to have the use of this new car? I'd rather have 7 days a week of a rubbish car than 1 day a week of a good one. YANBU.

MadrigalElectromotive Thu 03-Sep-15 14:58:49

YANBU. I'd be fucking furious. Is he controlling in other ways?

strawberrypenguin Thu 03-Sep-15 14:59:26

YANBU I'd be insisting that you are going to go and buy yourself a replacement car. He's effectively taken away your independence.

JeffsanArsehole Thu 03-Sep-15 15:00:32

You are just as entitled to go and buy yourself a car

I would do so if I were you, you don't need his permission. It's family money.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 03-Sep-15 15:02:24

He just made your life more difficult and a bit shitter. Does he care? Because if he doesn't...

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest Thu 03-Sep-15 15:02:34

I'm astounded that he thought that was a reasonable thing to do. How selfish of him. I think you need to sit him and down and outline very clearly how isolating it is not to have a car and how out of order it was of him to make a unilateral decision

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Thu 03-Sep-15 15:03:40

I would be fuming too. There is more to life than shopping!
How about he waits in for the shopping while he is walking his dog and you go out in the family car?

Also, I think phoning him up every time your ds needs something will be good. Ooh, can you just nip home so we can go to the chemist for medicine?
Can you just take us to this friends house for half an hour? The park?

Depending on how bad other things are, you can report the car as stolen. It belongs to you, you didn't give permission to sell it.

Helenluvsrob Thu 03-Sep-15 15:04:18


Whether he's planning it or not, from the outside, what you've said this is a classical story of abuse..... He's sold your car leaving you housebound effectively ( or is he absolutely fine with him paying for Taxis to get you to and from town? No I thought not). Well actually, nice gift that it was the car was never even given to you....

He's got a dog and dumped it on you, again ensuring that as well as caring for your son you have 1.5hrs a day committed to walking a dog you didn't even want. Doesn't leave you much time for the stuff that makes you you- social life or friends.

You are a carer- is that outside the home or just to your son? If outside how does that work without a car, you have to walk to work too?

Yeah OK I've been hanging on relationships too much, looking to deeply into a simple " missunderstanding" . You probably have a a relationship that is " sort of equal" but as you say you are doing all the compromising. Are you on the house deeds etc? What do you think? Am I just being stupid with these thoughts?

Deeznutz Thu 03-Sep-15 15:04:26

He controls all the family savings and I have a budget that I have to buy certain things from. There is never anything left at the end of the month from my end so I can't just go out and buy another car.

His job has been reorganised this year so he will be away for one week out of four and the rest of the time it is variable as he is an inspector.

Spartans Thu 03-Sep-15 15:05:12

Wtf? We went from being a 2 car household to a 1 car household. We sold my car to do this. We both work from home. We don't need 2 cars. We discussed this as a couple and neither has the right over the car, we share it.

If dh had done this on his own without asking me I would be going absolutley mad with him.

I have my independence regardless of how many cars we have because our car is our car not dhs.

I am angry for you

cjt110 Thu 03-Sep-15 15:05:23

YANBU. I'd be spitting venom.

BitOutOfPractice Thu 03-Sep-15 15:06:19

I am open mounthed at the utter arseholery of what he has just done. YANBU and I would not be upset. I would be frothing with righteous rage and indignation.

Honestly OP, you need to get angry - he has done a horribe thing

Is he controlling and an utter twat in other ways?

Longdistance Thu 03-Sep-15 15:07:47

The prize for the biggest tosser of the year goes too...

PurpleSkyatthewateringhole Thu 03-Sep-15 15:08:14

Can you get a friend to look after the dog for a couple of days to a week? Tell him that the dog has gone the same way as your car because you don't have time for it. Buy yourself another car too.

StackladysMorphicResonator Thu 03-Sep-15 15:08:26

You need to get the family savings put into both your names - one person having control is unfair, unequal and symbolic of a lack of trust.

And YANBU, I'd be furious!

MrsJorahMormont Thu 03-Sep-15 15:08:29

I would tell him to get you your car or you'll be taking a fucking sledgehammer to 'his' new car. Let him experience having no car for a few days.

You are stuck at home caring for disabled children and a dog you didn't want. If this is for real, I would quite like to kick your husband in the crotch hmm

Wigeon Thu 03-Sep-15 15:08:40

YANBU. The obvious thing is to re-home the dog without telling him... (I am only half joking).

JeffsanArsehole Thu 03-Sep-15 15:08:46

Don't let him control the money

Demand access or leave and take half

You are being financially abused, call
Women's Aid

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