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People that are evangelical about not having a car but rely on others giving lifts

(26 Posts)
Ironfistfunkymum Mon 31-Aug-15 17:43:25

Bill and sister are always going on about not having a car, how much healthier they are and there is no need for them, but happily get on the train and expect you to pick up the other end.

Aibu to next time they visit to say the car is in for its mot and to take their bikes that they apparently use to go "everywhere" to bike 3 miles to my place?

comingintomyown Mon 31-Aug-15 17:48:53


OurBlanche Mon 31-Aug-15 17:49:52

Nope! NU in the slightest. That's entirely different from not being able to afford to run a car.

If they like to crow, they can bloody well peddle too.

Mistigri Mon 31-Aug-15 17:50:15

Presumably if they are not car owners they are quite used to getting the bus, so instead of being unnecessarily sarky re the bikes, why not suggest that? Or a taxi. I don't use a car when in the UK (your roads are awful whereas your trains are quite good) and it's almost always possible to get places by public transport, although that doesn't mean I'd turn down the offer of a lift if the offer was sincere.

NewLife4Me Mon 31-Aug-15 17:57:07

What makes you think they expect you to pick them up? Do they ask you or say something like what time to pick them up.
I'm quite evangelical about not driving and save a fortune not running a car and also accept lifts if offered.
I certainly don't expect it though.

londonrach Mon 31-Aug-15 17:58:53

Yanbu. We managed without a car (couldnt afford it anyway due to cost of rent) very easy when we lived in london. Bus or trains are excellent. Only pick up if easy for you otherwise they use public transport.

OurBlanche Mon 31-Aug-15 18:00:01

What offer of a lift? They have demanded a lift, not been offered one!

Choosing to be is all well and good if you live somewhere it is possible to do so without imposing on others. It is entirely different from enforced carlessness.

If bus, bike, train and Shanks Pony can't get you everywhere then you can't choose to be carless.

Ironfistfunkymum Mon 31-Aug-15 18:03:37

I don't mind giving them a lift, I just despise all the anti car rhetoric especially as they get lifts from other people a lot.

In an ideal world I'd be able to walk or bike to work. But it isn't that easy for many of us, a car is sadly essential.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone Mon 31-Aug-15 18:04:11

I don't have a car, but not by choice. I don't rely on lifts, but it's nice to be offered. But if I chose not to have a car and bored everyone silly with the moral/environmental/health benefits of that choice, I wouldn't expect much in the way of help from them!
So no yanbu

LoveChickens Mon 31-Aug-15 18:06:13

Or the fact they are 'independent'.

You're not.

Pneumometer Mon 31-Aug-15 18:09:20

Aibu to next time they visit to say the car is in for its mot

Or better, just suggest that short journeys are environmentally unsound and that you only use your car when it's essential. Let them get out of that.

I bet they're a pain in the arse about food, too.

sugar21 Mon 31-Aug-15 18:13:21

I cannot really afford my car but I live in the arse end of the back of beyond with 1 bus a day and zilch buses on Sundays and Bank holidays so a car is essential. Don't mind giving anyone a lift if they need one

EmmaWoodlouse Thu 03-Sep-15 15:17:40

There's a flipside to this, and that is people who offer lifts to someone who hasn't got a car, won't take no for an answer and put the carless person in an awkward position where they actually want to walk, or have a return bus ticket which will now go to waste, but it feels like they will hurt the car driver's feelings if thy don't take the unwanted lift.

I'n not saying the OP is one of these people, but I sometimes wonder many of the people who complain about carless people "expecting" lifts are actually the same ones who try to force them on us.

I do agree it's a bit cheeky of anyone who is actually assuming they can have a lift any time they like, especially if they are not offering anything in return.

howabout Thu 03-Sep-15 15:26:03

YANBU in general but YABU if you live somewhere where there is no public transport within a mile's walk and they are making the effort to visit you, but then again I don't think they should be going on about not needing a car because they happen to have a less car dependent set-up.

I have a car but walk most places locally. Not overly keen on people stopping to offer me a lift when I am halfway through my 10 minute walk but it is very gratefully received if it is tipping down with rain.

Nectar Sun 06-Sep-15 12:58:44

I agree with you there EMMA! I'm a non-driver, but actually quite enjoy a bus or train ride, or a walk! Obviously if it's tipping down with rain or I've got a week's worth of food shopping in my trolley I'll take a taxi, but I've lost count of the times someone's spotted me in town/supermarket, and come rushing over to ask how I'm getting home! Well-meaning, I know, but if I've ordered a taxi I'd rather just get in it than cancel it at the last minute and cram into someone else's car, already full with their kids and shopping!

I know most people mean well, but some drivers just won't take no for an answer. One example is recently, I was going somewhere and had just a 10 minute walk to the bus stop, it was a sunny day too! A neighbour pulled up alongside me and asked where I was getting the bus to. Turned out she was going near there and offered me a lift. I politely said no, (I like the bus ride over there, about 40 minutes all through the country, and had a magazine in my bag for that purpose!)

She kept insisting though so I reluctantly accepted. She then proceeded to lecture me the whole way over, about how it was a shame I didn't drive, haven't I thought about it, my kids must miss out on so much, etc etc! She sort of ruined my day tbh with her negative (and slightly patronising!) mannersad I didn't want to explain to her why I don't drive, having Dyspraxia and failed many tests after years of lessons is the reason! I've come to terms with it now though, don't struggle getting myself and kids around and I have to say, I enjoy public transport, it's my 'me-time'!

If we're in a rush there are taxis and it's no problem paying for them every now and then, as we don't have the expense of a car! I know not all drivers are like my neighbour, but I do find some are, so can sympathise with you, EMMA!

BrendaandEddie Sun 06-Sep-15 13:11:38


Canyouforgiveher Sun 06-Sep-15 13:19:57

YANBU. The only friends we have who are carless on ethical grounds won't take lifts either - it defeats the purpose for them.

Ememem84 Sun 06-Sep-15 13:53:30

I have non driver friends. For environmental reasons. I've noticed that they'll happily accept a lift though then moan about how I'm wasting the environment or a lovely day or my health by driving. The last 2 times we've met them, we've chosen a nice country pub. It's about a 5 mile walk from our house. Dh and I walk there. Idea is to have a walk build up an appetite have a great lunch couple of drinks and bus back. Or walk if we're feeling stupid brave.

They had no idea we'd walked last time and I was berated for having two glasses of wine because "you're over the limit now, how are we meant to get home?"

m0therofdragons Sun 06-Sep-15 14:14:11

Just reading this and realising I don't know anyone who doesn't have a car. Is that odd? Never occurred to me. Mind you, public transport is terrible and expensive in the West country ime.

DefinitelyNotElsa Sun 06-Sep-15 16:27:24

YANBU. I have a friend who resolutely refuses to learn to drive because they 'can get everywhere they need to go' on public transport. Without fail, every time I see them, they ask for a lift. On the odd occasion I can't give them one, they moan about the availability and/or cost of public transport.

MaxieMouse Sun 06-Sep-15 17:36:26

I'm going to go against the general opinion and say YABU and in fact sound quite petty and bitter. There's a big difference between cycling/walking everywhere when at home and taking a train somewhere and expecting a lift. One is a lifestyle choice, a great one, the other one is just something that happens occasionally.

It's not like they are likely to bring their bikes with them, or trek for 3 miles with luggage, is it? It's a matter of taking a taxi or asking for a lift. What would you expect them to do, give up their carless lifestyle just because occasionally they need a lift?

Pneumometer Sun 06-Sep-15 18:15:07

What would you expect them to do, give up their carless lifestyle just because occasionally they need a lift?

They can always get a taxi. For money. Using the money they save by not running a car.

yumyumpoppycat Sun 06-Sep-15 18:52:37

If it is 3 miles door to door then YANBU, 3 miles from the train would be diff though I think

MaxieMouse Sun 06-Sep-15 20:03:12

They can always get a taxi.

That's exactly what I said, they can take a taxi or get a lift. But it doesn't seem to satisfy the OP, who believes they should be forced to live by their chosen carless lifestyle at all times, hence the suggestion to make them bring their bikes.

FuzzyWizard Sun 06-Sep-15 22:02:11

I think it depends on where each of you live. Where I live having a car is not a necessity. DP has one but it gets used rarely, I can't drive. Trains, buses and tubes around here are good and we live less than 5 mins walk from tesco and about 10 minutes walk from our local town centre in one direction and a cinema, retail park and restaurants in the other.
If I got the train to visit someone out in the countryside I would probably really appreciate a lift from the station or I'd get a cab. If I lived in the countryside I'd probably have learnt to drive and we'd have two cars. It's just not something that's necessary or even desirable in my day-to-day life here. I walk a fair bit or jump on a bus or train when I need to, it's stress free for the most part (buses run every 3-5 minutes on the route I use at peak times) and I can sit and read my kindle. OTOH parking round here is a nightmare. I still often find myself having to justify to car owners why I haven't learnt yet. Many drivers are oddly pushy about it IME.

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