Whip-round at a funeral

(61 Posts)
MARTIN1 Sun 30-Aug-15 15:50:42

I attended a funeral for a family friend on Friday. After the ceremony outside the crematorium. The off-spring of the deceased organised a whip-round from all the guests. I put in a fiver.

The money didn't go to the venue or to the deceased's partner but in to the beer fund for the collector for when he got to the wake. I've not been to a funeral in many years. is this what happens now?

ElementaryMyDear Sun 30-Aug-15 15:51:47

The only time I've come across this, the collection was for a charity connected to the deceased person.

HedgehogAtHome Sun 30-Aug-15 15:53:07

Good lord.

Sorry for the loss of your friend.

Charis1 Sun 30-Aug-15 15:54:38

just for him, or for anyone who couldn't afford a beer?

Bunbaker Sun 30-Aug-15 15:55:10

I have been to a couple of funerals in the last few months. There was a basket for donations at each, both to very worthwhile charities and I happily contributed.

MARTIN1 Sun 30-Aug-15 16:04:09

Charis Just for him.
I don't mind giving if it goes to the widow or to a good cause but to be contributing to someone getting drunk I think is wrong.

Gruntfuttock Sun 30-Aug-15 16:05:19

The son of your friend collected money for him to have beer? That's outrageous

NellysKnickers Sun 30-Aug-15 16:05:49

I've only seen it once, the deceased had 3 young children, the money was used for a holiday for them.

ImperialBlether Sun 30-Aug-15 16:06:35

He was collecting money for his own beer? Did he actually say that? Wouldn't people have bought him a drink anyway?

PersonalClown Sun 30-Aug-15 16:08:25

All money collected at my dad's funeral went to my Toad's SN school for outdoor equipment. School tried to refuse but DM said the only thing my dad loved more than his Harley was my Toad.

There will be a small plaque on the equipment for my dad.
It never crossed our minds to keep it.

Paintpot22 Sun 30-Aug-15 16:09:11

I've seen it before and contributed.

It's the same as family not paying for a drink/to get drunk at a funeral (very common amongst us lower classes wink)

junebirthdaygirl Sun 30-Aug-15 16:09:20

Regular here to have a box for donations to a charity the diseased was associated with or who research that illness or something. But for beer is unheard of.

Gingermakesmesick Sun 30-Aug-15 16:09:47

The buffet at my dads funeral cost £300. The funeral itself cost £3000. I can quite see why someone on a low income might need some help paying that.

Bumbledumb Sun 30-Aug-15 16:17:18

Indeed, if they were asking for contributions to help with the cost of the funeral, what they do with the money received is their business.

Devilishpyjamas Sun 30-Aug-15 16:22:31

Did they say it was for their own personal beer fund?

My grandmother's funeral had a collection - money went to my son's special school - it was all family anyway.

ecuse Sun 30-Aug-15 16:25:46

Nothing wrong with it per se. I dare say wakes are expensive and its surely not uncommon to want to habe a drink, raise a glass to the departed and reminisce about good times?

But I would have expected them to say what the whip round was for. Didn't they? Didn't you ask? Obvs it's another matter if they misled you.

ecuse Sun 30-Aug-15 16:27:26

Ok sorry I didn't RTFT properly. I now see it was just for his drinks and am shock

CalmYourselfTubbs Sun 30-Aug-15 16:28:01

i've heard it all now. fucking hell.

mellowheart Sun 30-Aug-15 16:38:53

I've been to a funeral where we were all asked to contribute to the buffet. I remember thinking, "what if they don't raise enough to pay it"? Could have been embarrassing. I've never heard of a whip round for beer whilst still outside the crem though. <ponders whether this is going to become the norm>

Topseyt Sun 30-Aug-15 17:25:39

A whip round to pay for his own beer???!!! You are sure about that?

I'm not disbelieving you, so please don't read it that way, just amazed that anyone would do this. It does seem presumptuous and grabby.

I don't mind donating at funerals and will take money along, but as far as I am aware it has always been to charities chosen by the family of the deceased. No problem.

My personal experience of funerals has been that a simple buffet or some such thing has often been arranged by the family of the bereaved at a local pub or restaurant. Everyone goes along to join in and offer support, but everyone also realises that these things are expensive and nobody (that I have been aware of) has ever objected to having to pay for their own drinks.

Topseyt Sun 30-Aug-15 17:28:53

Thinking about it, whenever I have donated money to the chosen causes at funerals it hasn't been via a whip round, I have handed my donation discreetly to the undertaker in an envelope. Perhaps that is just me though.

Crazyqueenofthecatladies Sun 30-Aug-15 17:34:07

Sounds like the collector was making a 'hilarious' joke to me. I think you've got the wrong end of the stick about a memorial collection.

Snowfilledsky Sun 30-Aug-15 17:38:23

Do you know for a fact he spent it on beer at the wake?

Onedirectionarestillloved Sun 30-Aug-15 18:53:26

Seems very odd behaviour.

Usually a collection box is placed in the church or crematorium for the charity of choice.

I don't agree with paying for anyone to go drinking under any citprcumstances.

abbieanders Sun 30-Aug-15 19:43:23

Why was he having a wake after a funeral? Were they bringing the body back home rather than doing a burial?

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