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to think DC should be encouraged to say no/speak up

(10 Posts)
mikado1 Tue 25-Aug-15 20:21:21

I know it's probably all in the name of manners, and that my eldest is only 3 so I haven't got to this stage yet but I have noticed that when others' older DC (6-11yrs) are playing with my DS they never say no or speak up if he for example takes something they were playing with. Instead they go to their mum to tell her. I always tell them it's ok to say no if they are playing with something he wants or to take it back if he's grabbed. Am I being unrealistic to expect this? Obviously I reinforce same with him, ask if you want something etc. but it's perfect opportunity for him to learn that others won't like him taking what they have and he would probably listen to them before me for that reason . Also think it's good for the older ones to speak up for themselves rather than expecting their mums to sort it (generally the mums tell them to leave him have it which is when I tell them it's ok to say no and speak to him if needs be). But generally they don't. Aibu to think dc of this age should have some ability to sort things out for themselves and that their DP should be supporting them in this? I don't think it's unmannerly that I am teaching ds to say he will give his playmates a toy when he's finished tather than expecting him to hand it straight over.

Osolea Tue 25-Aug-15 20:26:10

They probably do have the ability to sort these things out for themselves amongst other children of a similar age, I think you're being a bit harsh saying they're expecting their mums to sort it out for them as if there's something wrong with a child doing that.

It's the fact that your ds is so much younger than them that changes things. They have probably been told to be kind and tolerant towards a much smaller child that doesn't have the same understanding they do,name rightly so. They just don't want to be responsible for making a small child cry by takng a toy away from them, which is understandable.

queenofthishouse Tue 25-Aug-15 20:30:38

My friends dd1 (5) lets her dd2 (2) bite her arm really hard till she is crying - but won't sodding move. It's the same with the toys.

kids are strange.

Mine is just pretty much grabby with everything angry

WorraLiberty Tue 25-Aug-15 20:31:15

I'm sure they can speak up and probably do when it's their own age group.

It can be more awkward with younger children, as not all older children will be used to them.

If you want your child to learn from others that it's not ok to snatch, then stick him with some kids his own age.

Believe me he'll learn fast wink grin

queenofthishouse Tue 25-Aug-15 20:34:30

Oh yes worral grin

Stompylongnose Tue 25-Aug-15 20:38:28

It's an age gap thing. If he was a sibling they would have no problems telling your son no. I have a 9 year old with older siblings and he would worry about making a 3 year old cry so would ask me to help him. He knows that older/bigger kids can be scary and wouldn't want to scare your son.

mabythesea Tue 25-Aug-15 20:38:45

If a 10 year old makes a 3 year old cry then they're likely to get told off, sounds like they are being very sensible to get an adult to intervene.

mikado1 Tue 25-Aug-15 20:46:31

Yes I do get it's an age thing and they are very kind to him but he wouldn't cry and could do with not ruling the roost Thanks though, I can see what you mean. Don't mean to be harsh at all, in fact I feel bad for them that tthey feel it's ok that he takes from them. I am trying to back them up!

mikado1 Tue 25-Aug-15 20:51:12

I know worra but with own age it's simply grab all round! ! Whereas he looks up to the older ones and they would be able to just say it's not ok rather than a grab fest!

noiwontstoptalking Tue 25-Aug-15 21:05:07

They are being polite.

Their Mums have probably told them to be kind to the little one as they walked in the door.

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