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to let my DD have play dates at a friends who is a single father

(158 Posts)
KTlee Tue 25-Aug-15 15:18:34

My DD is 7 years old and going in to year 3 in September. DD and two other girls in her class are best friends and regularly have playdates. There have never been any issues.

Myself and the two other parents, know each other quite well and will often go out for coffee during term time. I have no issues with either parent.

However, we have been taking it in turns to host the playdates for our DD's, DD has been to both of her friends houses many times. Each time one of DD's friends is invited over to the other girls house however her mother will make excuses for why she can't come. She is always fine coming with her DD coming over to my house. The mother will always say she is busy when the other parent offers. Earlier when I was discussing with her a suitable time for our DD's to go, she came out with that she doesn't allow her DD to go to this house because the parent is a single father and there is no adult female present. She thinks I should be the same and is shocked I let DD go.

As I said all three of us are pretty good friends and meet often during term time. Myself and mother to DD's friend often talk about what a good dad the other parent is to his children so I don't get the issue. He volunteers so has a CRB so that can't be the issue.

AIBU to let my DD freely go to playdates around her friends house where her father is a single parent or is the mother of DD's other friend being Unreasonable not allowing her daughter on playdates unless a female adult is present?

Should add that the playdates are for a few hours - a day, not sleepovers. Not sure if that makes a difference.

Hoping that the other parent is being unreasonable as DD loves going to her friends house and he is a genuinely lovely guy who just happens to be the sole carer for his children and currently have no girlfriend.

ProcrastinatorGeneral Tue 25-Aug-15 15:21:01

The other parent sounds like a prejudiced plank who reads way too much Daily Fail scaremongering articles. I'd be fine letting my children have a play day at the home of a friend, intend to base my trust in their character rather than their genitals.

UrethraFranklin1 Tue 25-Aug-15 15:21:24

AIBU to let my DD freely go to playdates around her friends house where her father is a single parent or is the mother of DD's other friend being Unreasonable not allowing her daughter on playdates unless a female adult is present

Neither. You make the decisions you are comfortable with for your child, and she does the same for hers. Why do you need your choices validated by denigrating hers?

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Tue 25-Aug-15 15:22:08

What a sad world we live in if a parent is judged to be a risk to a child just because he is a single father.

No, you are not being unreasonable to allow your DD to go.

She's a peado on every corner type by the sounds of it. No,yanbu to let your daughter go but then I have a dh who works in childcare so have little tolerance for such nonsense!

RockerMummy184 Tue 25-Aug-15 15:23:13

She is sexist. She is BU not you.

Have you asked her why it would be okay if he were a single mum but not a single dad? I'd be extremely interested in her response.

Glitteryarse Tue 25-Aug-15 15:23:27

Personally I wouldn't. I was abused twice as a child by two different men so I don't trust them as some one that wasn't would.

I don't my DP would allow it either.

He may be great, wonderful, Mary poppins but at the end of the day she can parent her child how she likes. She may have had a similar experience as me.

Buttercup27 Tue 25-Aug-15 15:23:45

Would she think the same if her dds teacher was male or any other member of staff she is left alone with?
I think she is being ridiculous, why shouldn't they go on play dates?

Shutthatdoor Tue 25-Aug-15 15:24:13

The other parent sounds like a prejudiced plank who reads way too much Daily Fail scaremongering articles. I'd be fine letting my children have a play day at the home of a friend, intend to base my trust in their character rather than their genitals.

Completely agree.

BrandNewAndImproved Tue 25-Aug-15 15:24:44

My dd has a friend who's a single dad, he looked after both my dc at the start of the holidays when I had no childcare. The other girls mum is a stupid twat. Not everyman is paedophile ffs. I would point out to her all the women in history who have helped their paedophile husbands and boyfriends even letting them do it to their own dc and see what she says.

Bubblesinthesummer Tue 25-Aug-15 15:25:10

Would she think the same if her dds teacher was male or any other member of staff she is left alone with?

Just about to say the same thing

UrethraFranklin1 Tue 25-Aug-15 15:25:26

I can see this thread is going to degenerate into calling her all kinds of names and slagging her off, but you might want to spare a thought for all the people who have very good reason to be "paranoid" or "overprotective" based on their own experiences, and be both thankful you don't and a little more understanding.

hmm

Mulligrubs Tue 25-Aug-15 15:25:48

Neither of you are being unreasonable.

I think some comments are harsh - she's sexist, she's paranoid etc. Maybe she is a bit but she is doing what she feels is in the best interests of her child. So are you OP. Neither of you are wrong though.

WorraLiberty Tue 25-Aug-15 15:26:00

The pair of you sound absolutely bonkers...not to mention prejudiced.

Gileswithachainsaw Tue 25-Aug-15 15:26:55

of course Yanbu.

How sad if single dad's can't host play dates. Wtf dies she think. is going to happen?

would she be ok with a single mum? what happens if her dd has a friend with two dad's? can the child go then on the basis of the parent not being single or is it the penis that's the problem?

Funinthesun15 Tue 25-Aug-15 15:27:22

Not everyman is paedophile ffs. I would point out to her all the women in history who have helped their paedophile husbands and boyfriends even letting them do it to their own dc and see what she says.

Good point.

Is this mother going to refuse to allow her children to be taught by a male teacher aswell?

chrome100 Tue 25-Aug-15 15:27:54

What do you mean "neither of you are being unreasonable"! What rubbish! Other parent is being hugely, grossly unreasonable - sexist and prejudiced nonsense.

ladyrosy Tue 25-Aug-15 15:28:30

If she thinks the guy is a genuine risk to the safety of her daughter, well done her for not allowing the contact.

I am surprised she is happy to be friends with him though.

Glitteryarse Tue 25-Aug-15 15:29:03

She's a peado on every corner type by the sounds of it.

Maybe you need to look at the statistics of children being abused in this country. Most of them by some one they know.

DixieNormas Tue 25-Aug-15 15:29:26

Yanbu

Itsmine Tue 25-Aug-15 15:29:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mollyonthemove Tue 25-Aug-15 15:30:02

My dh works fewer hours than me and usually during the holidays, he is the one hosting the 'playdates' for our 9 year old daughter. He even takes them out in the car shock No mother (or father) has ever had a problem with that! How very bizarre.

Mulligrubs Tue 25-Aug-15 15:30:07

chrome100
I disagree that it's unreasonable prejudiced nonsense. IMO neither parent is wrong here.

Shutthatdoor Tue 25-Aug-15 15:31:20

Does this mother not allow her children to be in any male company at all? Sounds extremely unhealthy IMO

As pp has said, what if the friend had two dad's?

KTlee Tue 25-Aug-15 15:31:40

I don't think it's the father ladyrose, I got the impression it was any house without an adult female. I'm certain she would tell me if she knew something about him that I didn't.

I'm also surprised she is friends with him, but wont allow her DD around to play at his. It feels so false and two faced now I know the reason she is always busy when he offers and is going to make things awkward when school starts again

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