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To feel worried/anxious about my DP flying…?

(16 Posts)
Whitechocolatetoblerone Mon 24-Aug-15 14:24:19

My DP is a helicopter pilot. I have always worried about him, the winter being the worst as, IMO, they just don’t seem safe. He’s said himself they aren’t as safe as a fixed wing aircraft.

It’s raining and very windy today, with storms likely. After so many reports of aircraft crashes/ aviation disasters lately, I am becoming increasingly worried something will happen.

I had a horrendous dream last night, on the back of the events at Shoeham at the weekend I think and woke up feeling anxious and haven’t been able to shake it off all day. I am a nervous flyer anyway which doesn’t help.

He loves his job and I would never want him to give it up, I just honestly don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to him.

Any other pilots partners/wives out there? Do you have the same worries?

DisappointedOne Mon 24-Aug-15 14:27:45

I come from a family of pilots, plane and helicopter. It's not something any of us really worry about.

Whitechocolatetoblerone Wed 26-Aug-15 09:14:15

Oh god, just me then blush I am an anxious person in general to be fair so that doesn't help matters.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Wed 26-Aug-15 09:19:54

He is well trained.

Try to do something to distract yourself.

Go and meet somebody for lunch/shopping.

The reason shoreham made the news is the 'rareness' of the crash.

If there were serious crashes every day, people would take less notice of them. Oh, it's just another crash...

magimedi Wed 26-Aug-15 09:26:57

He would be at far more risk if he was driving on motorways every day.

I am sending you a PM.

googoodolly Wed 26-Aug-15 09:39:41

The reason crashes make the news is because they are so rare. Millions of people die/get injured on the roads, but because it's so common and happens everyday, it doesn't make headlines unless it's a really off-the-scale crash.

I understand your worries but he's a professional and well-trained and realistically, he's safer than he would be if he drove on the M25 everyday.


StephanieBeacham Wed 26-Aug-15 09:44:44

Not unreasonable, of course not. It is natural to be anxious about the person you love the most, especially if their job involves anything dangerous or risky.

Balancing that anxiety with common sense and perspective is I'm sure something you are very used to doing. Try and think about the opposite - if he came home today and said 'I'm not flying any more', would that make you happy - would he still be happy?
Is there something you would be happier for him to do instead?

Just genuine questions, and you don't have to answer them here.

lylasmam2012 Wed 26-Aug-15 09:49:17

My friends husband is a helicopter pilot. She worried about him sometimes. She (and her daughter) died in a car crash and he is still alive looking after their son. The roads are far more dangerous.

Spartans Wed 26-Aug-15 09:51:33

Not unreasonable to be worried.

Dh is a pilot, I was worried at first. However I trust him. I the conditions are too dangerous, I trust him to not fly.

Tbh in most crashes it's down to something the pilot has done. Like a couple near here were killed in a helicopter crash. Turned out the husband wasn't really qualified. He had paid off his instructor (who was then prosecuted) to help forge paper work.

I trust DH to keep up to his hours and training. I trust him to not do anything risky (like at shorham) and that's enough for me.

FoxesSitOnBoxes Wed 26-Aug-15 09:51:55

Not pilot but DH is a soldier. He goes away and does dangerous things and some friends have been killed. I worry but not in a way that it affects day to day functioning - it doesn't play on my mind. I'd rather he worked in an office but it doesn't make me unhappy.
Could you look into help for your anxiety, it must be horrible if your worry is preoccupying ypu flowers

Spartans Wed 26-Aug-15 09:53:22

Oh and yes I worry about him driving down the m62 for work more than being in the air.

That's said the firaat time he flew I couldn't watch. I went to watch and ended up taking dd for a walk. Because I couldnt watch. So you aren't alone in feeling this way.

Whitechocolatetoblerone Wed 26-Aug-15 10:10:24

Thanks for all your kind responses, they have made me feel better.

Don’t get me wrong, I have my own, very busy life and hobbies and am constantly occupied, so not like I am sitting around thinking about it all the time, in fact, I actively try NOT to think about it as otherwise I end up fearing the worst and getting anxious.

I think it’s just on bad weather days, when it’s stormy etc that sometimes, my mind wanders and as winter approaches, I know that will happen more.

It’s his job, his love, his passion, it’s who he is. Just like my hobby is who I am so I certainly would never ask him to stop.

It was poignant the other day when I posted because I’d just been to the hairdresser and she said ‘ohhh, I don’t think I could handle it if my OH did that job, don’t you worry?!’ and kept going on and on, which then set me off!

PuntasticUsername Wed 26-Aug-15 10:22:32

Kate, is that you wink

Sympathy op - it must be horrible to feel the way you do. There is help out there. Hope you can access some and start feeling less anxious in time thanks

jfh Wed 26-Aug-15 18:39:36

Aerobatics is orders of magnitude riskier than normal straight and level flying. Add to that he fact that the recent airshow crashes have involved complex high performance aircraft, and then layer on top of that the relatively few hours of experience the pilots would have had in said aircraft (which are monumentally expensive to run, and are treated with kid gloves to preserve them, hence they simply fly less), and you have a completely different level of risk altogether from what your DP does. He's right in his assessment that whirlybirds are more dangerous than fixed wing, but then you can't put the latter down on a postage stamp when the rubber bands break, so that's a mitigation.

Most crashes are due to pilot error - if you trust your DP as a safe and sensible person then that will translate into his flying, so another reason to sleep easier.

Good friend of my folks was a minicab driver who bought the farm one dark and stormy night when another car crossed the central reservation of a dual carriageway and hit him head-on. Just goes to show there's no such activity with zero risk.

Topseyt Wed 26-Aug-15 20:13:03

Not unreasonable. You frequently can't help the way you feel about something.

I am a nervous flyer myself, and not a frequent one. I accept that it is statistically much safer than driving, walking along a busy road etc. I accept too that aviation accidents only make the news because they are so uncommon. Hundreds of thousands of flights are made each day, and virtually no incidents are reported.

It doesn't stop me feeling uncomfortable because I dislike heights and we were not built to fly. On another similar thread some time ago though, someone else pointed out that we were not built to drive either, as we were no more born with wheels than with wings. It is true, I guess.

I can be a bit of a worrier too, and have to keep busy to keep it at bay.

FuryFowler Wed 26-Aug-15 20:55:19

My husband works on an oil rig and flies twice a month.

There's a little worry there, esp due to the crashes in recent years.

But it's not something we worry about at the front of our minds x

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