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To feel sick with worry over this?

(13 Posts)
Megjes Sun 23-Aug-15 23:55:15

Hi. I am a very new poster to mumsnet, so please be gentle with

It's a bit of a long story, but will try to keep it brief and not get too carried away with loads of details.

My nan passed away almost two years ago and prior to that she suffered with Alzheimer's for a couple of years. Her decline got markedly worse in her final months. She was a diabetic and was unable to take her medication for this, so nurses (not carers) would visit my nan in her warden-assisted accommodation to do this for her.
Several months prior to her death, my mum noticed that money was going missing from my nans flat, and her purse. (Nan was not able to look after her finances, so my mum used to put money in the purse for things my nan needed, such as her hairdresser, or gardener). Of course, at first, it was thought that nan was either giving the money away, or losing it. However, the only people who visited her were family members or people she paid for a service, such as her hairdresser. These people had been known to the family for years, and we thought it would be highly unlikely that they would accept any other money from nan.
We started to keep records, and it was noticed that money was only going missing on two days of the week, and this coincided with two days that a particular nurse visited. The situation was monitored for a few weeks, and it became obvious that the nurse was stealing. (On a couple of occasions, mum would check the money in nans purse just before the scheduled nurses visit, then go and wait, out of view in the day room until after she had been and gone, and then the purse was re-checked afterwards - money gone.
Obviously, the police were informed and hidden cameras were placed in nans flat, and she was captured on film on three separate occasions stealing. They attempted to catch her red handed by putting marked notes in my nans bag, but she failed to turn up three times in a row, so she was arrested on the evidence already gained. She immediately confessed.
Whilst waiting for the case to go to magistrates court, she changed her plea to not guilty, and maintained that the confession was gained under duress, so it was referred to Crown Court.
The Crown Court case fell apart after one day, as it transpired that the nurse was asked an oppressive question, which made all the evidence inadmissible.
The NHS is now undertaking an investigation into what happened, and will be shortly making a decision based on the results. There has been a lot of national press interest in the story, especially once they saw the conclusive video footage of the thefts occurring, but we have been asked to not talk about it to the press for fear of ruining the investigation.
We are just so so worried that this woman could potentially soon be allowed to enter vulnerable people's homes again, and we are struggling to come to terms with this. Obviously we are hoping and praying that the NHS investigation will result in her dismissal, and ultimately, being struck-off. She does not have the right to wear the uniform. However, this has been a nightmare for well over two years, and I am not sure how we will cope if we don't get the decision we want. We are aware that the nurse has had barrister representation for the internal inquiry, but when we were questioned, it was just us....we are scared that we don't stand a chance.
I recognise that miscarriages of justice do happen, but, as we know 100% that she did it, we are not going to be able to easily accept her going back to work. (She's been suspended on full pay for 2 years).
AIBU to not be able to get this out of my head?

honeyroar Mon 24-Aug-15 00:23:32

No, it's quite right that you are worried. It sounds like a long, stressful, drawn out process. I'm really sorry for you. I hope it all goes the right way and that justice is done. My MIL has dementia and the people that steal from/ scam/rip off someone with dementia are the lowest of the low, and deserve the book throwing at them. Fingers crossed for you and your family.x

LazyLohan Mon 24-Aug-15 01:13:50

OP, no offence but I have reported this. You say you have been asked not to talk to the press out of fear of jeopardising the investigation but this thread might do the same thing. You're very specific on the details so you will be identifiable. And journalists do come on here. I think you should ask for it to be removed.

I do wish you all the best and I hope you get the outcome you want.

goddessofsmallthings Mon 24-Aug-15 01:15:19

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear nan and for the fact that she was victimised in her final months by an individual who was in a position of trust and had a duty of care to her.

It's a great shame that the police didn't put marked notes in your nan's purse after the first occasion that the nurse was allegedly caught stealing but, even if this had occurred and she was found to be bang to rights, it wouldn't necessarily have led to a guilty plea or a conviction.

Given the ongoing NHS investigation it's understandable that you can't get this matter out of your head, but I strongly advise you to try to relegate it to the back burner because the outcome is entirely out of your hands and keeping it in the forefront of your mind will adversely affect your quality of life and possibly your health.

Furthermore, should she be dismissed by her present employers, it will require an investigation/hearing by the Nursing Council to determine whether she should be struck off and, after what is already 2 years of you/your family fretting over the case, it could be some considerable time before there is an end to it.

As for your fears of this nurse being allowed to return to her previous duties, situations arise where we can only accept that 'what will be, will be' and, while this would seem to be one of them, I have no doubt you/your family will have opportunity to speak out in the not too distant future and that the press will echo your thoughts - as will the general public - if there's any possibility that this may happen.

Please relieve yourself of the burden of believing that the onus of obtaining justice for your nan is down to you/your family as your duty in this respect was fulfilled when the matter was reported, after which it fell to others to adjudicate since when there has been nothing more you/your family could have done except speak your truth when required as you have steadfastly continued to do.

I have no doubt your nan was immensely proud of her family and she wouldn't want any of you to worry yourselves unduly over this or any other matter.

HellKitty Mon 24-Aug-15 01:24:17

Agree with the poster who reported this thread to protect the court case.

I hope she gets what she deserves op.

goddessofsmallthings Mon 24-Aug-15 01:51:46

There is no 'court case' and therefore no possibility of contempt arising from publication of details which have not been mentioned in court.

Cases such as the OP has described are frequently reported in the press and I see no reason why her post should be reported or moved.

ReginaBlitz Mon 24-Aug-15 02:01:16

Let's hope the evil bitch gets struck off for life that's disgusting. I don't really understand why it isn't an instant dismissal as I take it she was found guilty just not jailed which she should have been.

MaddyinaPaddy Mon 24-Aug-15 02:32:05

the NHS investigation is surely completely separatet to the criminal one? if there is video evidence of her going in your nan's person, then that sounds pretty damning.

BritabroadinAsia Mon 24-Aug-15 02:47:05

I'm so sorry to hear of what happened to your nan, and the huge amount of stress the ongoing investigations are causing your family.

I would echo what goddess has said very eloquently above - please try not not feel that it's your responsibility to see that justice is served. It is very hard to think that there is a possibility that the nurse might 'get away' with her actions. However, you and your family have done all you could have for your grandmother, and have tried to ensure that the nurse has been prevented from repeating this with another vulnerable person. What happens next is not your responsibility, frustrating though that must feel, and I really hope that you can recognise the very positive steps you took to protect your nan when you suspected the theft.

Is there any opportunity for you to talk to a counsellor? Or do you have any good friends in RL for support? This is a big thing to be going through, and I'm sure being able to talk it through would be helpful.

Best wishes to you, OP.

Megjes Mon 24-Aug-15 14:27:50


FarFromAnyRoad Mon 24-Aug-15 14:35:25

If this has been in the National press then please do as Lazy did OP and report your thread. It wouldn't be all that hard to tie up details.

Megjes Mon 24-Aug-15 15:01:48

Thank you everyone! smile. Absolutely no offence whatsoever taken by the reporting of the post. I know that this would have been done out of kindness.
Obviously, we do not want to jeopardise the inquiry. However, the case has already been reported in the local press, so the facts are already in the public domain.
The reason we have been given for not speaking to the press is two-fold. Firstly, in case other evidence comes to light, and she is asked to attend court again. That said, we have also been told that there is virtually no chance of this happening, as it does not appear that other people were stolen from. Secondly, we were asked to not discuss the details of meetings which we have attended as part of the investigation, which I have not done on this thread.
The NMC have already started their investigations, and we will be interviewed as a part of this. The nurse again, will have a barrister to argue her case, but as the court case collapsed, we will not have anyone to assist. We just have an awful feeling that she will not be struck off by the NMC, and she will continue being a nurse. It's like everything is stacked against us. She has her anonymity, she has been on full pay for two years, she has a barrister to represent her, yet my nan, was repeatedly stolen from, in her own home, at the most vulnerable time of her life, by somebody entrusted to look after her. It's just awful.
Thanks for all your kind words of support. I know I will just have to let things lie, and what will be will be.

Desertedislander Mon 24-Aug-15 15:33:42

I have no advice, just a hug. YANBU to worry, of course. This sounds like a nightmare. I hope the nurse gets her comeuppance, I detest this kind of thing

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