Did I commit a "play date " faux pas?(9 Posts)
Dd is 5 ; she doesn't have a single best friend from school but tends to play with a larger range of her class mates (small class).
I myself have made good friends with some of the parents - my dd plays with their DC but again , not exclusively .
About a month ago , Dd was invited over to one of the girls' houses to play (let's call her A) , along with a couple other girls from the class . Child B was the one who couldn't make it.
I reciprocated by taking child A and B on an outing with my dd . I don't really know the 3rd girls mum and this mum doesn't invite my dd over to her house when she hosts . Not an issue .
A couple of weeks ago I invited child B over to play at our house . I didn't invite child A , for no particular reason . It was just a short notice thing as child B lives close by.
A few days ago I took child A and my dd on an outing .
I didn't invite child B for various reasons - I was going further afield and I thought 3 might be too much , I had already had her round on her own , and mainly because I feel like I may have hassled her mum a bit much in trying to be friends
I've offered coffee , meal out somewhere to child Bs mum before but she always has a reason not to go or is very vague about committing to something . I don't think I've been pushy , I just think she very much keeps herself to herself . I tried to be friendly as I'm new to the area and don't know anyone .
Child Bs mum has said after the last "play date" she would reciprocate in the following week but I've heard nothing at all from her ; I felt if I asked her dd it would be more pressure for her to reciprocate when I think she doesn't want to .
Well when I picked up child A , her mum asked if child B was going and child A also asked if child B was invited (I think this was just because I took all of them on the last outing ).
I know child A has play dates with other DC without my dd and it doesn't bother me at all .
My dd also has single play dates with children other than A and B.
So why do I feel so bad now about not inviting child B . Was I mean ?
My intentions were not malicious . I suffer with social anxiety and this has been niggling me for days now
Child Bs mum has said after the last "play date" she would reciprocate in the following week but I've heard nothing at all from her
Is this what you're worried about?
People lie. The socially acceptable thing to say is that they will invite back Just because they said it doesn't mean a thing. Some remember and make the effort, some forget and never think about it again.
I suspect my DC are especially forgettable because we have probably hosted about 4x as many times as DC have been invited back.
You say they're 5? Seems fine to me. Don't overthink these things too much otherwise you'll explode in a few years time when their best friends are changing on an almost hourly basis. As long as all the kids are happy and playing then the world will continue on its axis.
I'm not worried that she hasn't reciprocated , I don't mind that , but I do feel like she feels she must reciprocate and it intentionally avoiding me
She used to text quite often but I've heard nothing and assume this is because she's avoiding having to reciprocate .
I really don't mind that she doesn't .
Happens all the time with us. DD isn't bothered by it. Try not to let the fact you're worried about it show. You don't want your daughter picking up on it and getting anxious about play date frippery. Kids this age should brush everything off.
I really can't shake this feeling and it's silly I know , just when child As mum asked where child B was , I thought oh dear , have I made a mistake
I think it was just a by the by question.You are way overthinking things!!
What you did was totally fine.Your answer to mum of A is "no, I'm just having A and DD today". Chances are she was just making conversation. I doubt very much whether she cared.
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