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AIBU?

To think DB is mean to be charging my DCs for a room we don't want in a holiday home

761 replies

TheReason · 15/08/2015 20:20

DB has arranged weekend away for all of our family. We are meant to be splitting the cost.

There are 6 bedrooms in the house he is renting out. It's working out at approximately £200 per room as me, my DB and DSs are covering the costs of my parents room.

This is a lot of money for us as money is tight due to childcare costs. To be honest I wish we weren't going as we can't really afford it but we feel obliged.

We are the only ones with children.

DB booked the holiday home and - without asking us - decided our children need their own room. Our 2 year old actually sleeps in our bed all the time anyway. Our 6 year old sleeps in his own room at home - but, I would prefer he just squashed into our bed in the holiday home - as otherwise we're paying an extra £200 for him to sleep alone in a room. Chances are that our 6 yr old will end up in our room anyway as he often does and it wouldn't bother us at all.

DB has no children and has no understanding about what having children means.

DB texted me to tell me the breakdown of the cost and I saw that me and DH are having to pay twice what everyone other couple has pay as we have to pay for two rooms.

From DB's point of view he seems to think my DSs are 2 extra people that should be charged as anyone else attending is being charged.

From my point of view, I think it is mean to charge my DSs as adults. Of all the couples attending we actually have the least disposable income due to having the expenses of childcare etc.

If the roles were reversed and DB had children and I didn't - then I would expect that the cost would be divided out per adult.

When I was initially unsure about attending the holiday at all, DB made a big issue about how important it was that my DS's attend. Normally he pays them very little attention and is not really a great uncle for them. He calls over about once every 2 months even though he lives close by and has loads of free time. He seems to feel he has ticked some box by giving them a tiny bit of attention. He always buys them very very cheap presents even though he has no other nephews or nieces and has a very high income. All of this is entirely his choice but colours how I feel about him charging my DC's for a room they don't need

AIBU to think the cost of this holiday home should be divided per adult?

OP posts:

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Earlybird · 15/08/2015 20:22

I'd divide it equally between families, and then share out costs of your parents room evenly.

UrethraFranklin1 · 15/08/2015 20:22

just tell him straight, you don't need or want two rooms, did not ask for or agree to this arrangement, and will not be paying for it. No ifs, buts, or maybes. Simply no.

ImperialBlether · 15/08/2015 20:23

He has no right to just book things and make decisions off his own bat. If you can't afford to go, you need to tell him that.

rookiemere · 15/08/2015 20:23

I think your problem is that you didn't specify that you only needed one bedroom before DB booked it. Is it already booked ?

TheReason · 15/08/2015 20:23

Yes I should have made it clearer. I think the cost should be divided per family (excluding my parents)

OP posts:

AlpacaMyBags · 15/08/2015 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheReason · 15/08/2015 20:26

Yes it is already booked

I said to DB the other day that we only need one room - and Is said that is a lot of money for is. He seed a bit out out and said he'd booked a house based on 12 people being there and worked out the costs for that. But 2 of those 12 people are my two children aged 2 and 6. I think its mean!

OP posts:

Lavenderice · 15/08/2015 20:26

I'm a bit lost, do you mean that you expect that the cost for your DC's should be split between all the adults going?

tabulahrasa · 15/08/2015 20:27

It should be per room because I don't think other people should have to pay for children...but, he should have asked you what you were doing about rooms.

I'd text him back and ask why you're paying for two rooms when you only need one.

CantWorkItOut22 · 15/08/2015 20:27

I can see why he would assume a family of 4 would require 2 rooms. Did you tell him otherwise before he made arrangements?

TheReason · 15/08/2015 20:28

I expect to pay for one room that we need

Whenever we've rented house sin the past the coat was divided per family. We didn't include the 5 month old babies or 8 yr old children and divide the costs per person

OP posts:

Lavenderice · 15/08/2015 20:30

Ok, Having re-read I think I understand. If the fact that both the kids will be bunking in with you means there's no extra cost then yes it should be split equally.however if there is an extra cost for your DC then you should pay that on your own. I must admit that if I had been booking it I would have probably thought that you needed a room for your kids BUT I would have called to check first.

Happy36 · 15/08/2015 20:30

Can you ask around if anyone else wants to use the room that was allocated to your children? For example, I know of 2 couples that book 2 hotel rooms as in one couple the wife is a terrible snorer and in the other couple the husband has back problems and needs a double bed to himself. Possibly another couple will make use of the room instead?

TheReason · 15/08/2015 20:31

So everyone else who is much wealthier than us will pay £200. And because my brother assumed we need two rooms without checking with us - them me and DH have to pay -£400 to cover the cost of an extra room we won't be using

Technically it may be correct that each person pays - but it's very very mean- spirited.

OP posts:

Binkybix · 15/08/2015 20:32

I think per room is the fair way to do these things. But, as your brother didn't ask first how many rooms you needed I would try to cancel first and find somewhere else.

Foxesinmygarden · 15/08/2015 20:34

I agree you should be clear what you need before you book, but that's not where you are. Id say it needs to be split by family but honestly from their point of view it may seem unreasonable that your family gets more space for the same money - even if you don't use it. I would be happy to split by adult for food costs, but not so much for rooms. And the time to agree rooms is when it's being found not after. If it's booked and you don't want a fight then maybe you need to suck it up?

Earlybird · 15/08/2015 20:35

When are you meant to be going?
Could you cancel the booking and re-book a house with fewer bedrooms that is cheaper? Because no matter how you divide up the bedrooms in this house, there are more than you need.

Maybe you should volunteer to do the research for another house so you can find something that will suit your needs and your budget.

Lavenderice · 15/08/2015 20:35

You need to sort this out with your brother. You really can't expect other people whether they are wealthier than you or it to be paying for your DC. Mind you if you didn't want to go in the first place just say, we can't afford it.

Lavenderice · 15/08/2015 20:36

Being child-free I would be happy just splitting the food costs amongst the adults either.

Liara · 15/08/2015 20:37

Did he not check whether you were OK with the house and the cost before he booked? If not, then he is bu.

If you agreed to a 400 cost and are now put out only because you saw how much everyone else is paying then maybe not so much.

Lavenderice · 15/08/2015 20:37

Sorry that meant to say 'wouldn't be happy.'

tabulahrasa · 15/08/2015 20:37

"So everyone else who is much wealthier than us will pay £200."

Well yes, because they're not their children.

But, your brother booked it, so tell him you don't want or need a second room and don't see why you should pay for a room that you're not using.

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TheReason · 15/08/2015 20:37

But I was told when we were talking about booking it that we were splitting the cost if a gift to my parents of a trip away. I didn't realise at the time of agreeing that I would be paying twice what everyone else was paying.

we never wanted the extra bedroom and won't be using it

OP posts:

jamaisjedors · 15/08/2015 20:37

I don't think it would occur to anyone that you would all want to squish into one room but otoh I wouldn't have booked something without checking everyone was happy with the accommodation and the price.

If you are using 2 rooms then you should pay for them - your extra childcare costs are not anyone else's responsiblity.

We went on holiday recently with SIL and her daughter, they used one room, we used two (us + DC), so we paid 2 thirds of the rental and food. It seems pretty logical to me.

mayaknew · 15/08/2015 20:38

OP YADNBU !

Even if he doesn't have children surely anyone with a brain would ask if the parents wanted a separate room or not for their children.

And tbh considering you're dcs are so small there is NO WAY they should be expected to pay the same as an adult ! I know with it being a holiday home the price is the price and doesn't care what age the tenants are , but still I can't believe your db expects you to pay for them .

The price should be split per family definitely not per person including small children .

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