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Aibu re long distance relationship

(10 Posts)
lastqueenofscotland Sat 15-Aug-15 19:00:30

Me and dp are currently in an LDR due to change in working commitments. We last saw each other second last weekend of July-I travelled to see him.

We had plans for this coming weekend - which he's decided he'd rather go in a footy weekend with his friends.
The next weekend he's said we can do I have been invited to a friends hen do which is a whole weekend away and when I said I wanted to go to that he got a bit huffy that id not have seen him in ages.

Aibu to go to my friends hen do?! Especially after he's blown off time we planned for one afternoons drinking?!

This is a small part of what feels an increasingly one sided and hard work relationship.

crazykat Sat 15-Aug-15 19:41:47

Yabu if you're even considering not going to the hen weekend. Go and enjoy yourself, turn your phone off if you have to.

If he can change plans you two already had to go to the footy then he's got no right to whinge when you can't make new plans because you've got something on.

Hard as it is, I'd be having a serious think about where the relationship is going if I were in your shoes. It sounds like he's putting your relationship last when it needs to be first in a long distance relationship.

lastqueenofscotland Sat 15-Aug-15 20:24:59

Thanks crazy! That was kind of the answer I was looking for!

I'm going to go anyway I just wanted to make sure as it were it wasn't a totally arsehole thing to do!

Totality22 Sat 15-Aug-15 20:29:02

He us being a selfish arse. Go on your presumably pre-booked hen do and let him deal with it.

FenellaFellorick Sat 15-Aug-15 20:31:38

I hope you told him to wind his neck in.

It's ok for him to cancel because he wants to see his mates instead but you're supposed to be available on demand ?

MarkRuffaloCrumble Sat 15-Aug-15 20:39:54

If this was a one-off I'd say go on the hen do and have a chat about priorities and where you feature in his.

However, as you feel that it is hard work and one-sided in other ways too I wouldn't waste your time trying to talk about it.

LTB and find someone who puts you first flowers

Ragwort Sat 15-Aug-15 20:45:10

This is a small part of what feels an increasingly one sided and hard work relationship.

Then why put up with it?

I was in a LTR - we saw each other every other weekend (taking it in turns so only one of us had to travel each month) - we really enjoyed our time together, spent ages on the phone most evenings, one night he drove three hours to 'surprise' me as I wasn't very well ............... we have now been happily (most of the time grin) married for over 27 years.

If you are not happy now, stop it, enjoy your single life and don't start making compromises this early in your relationship.

DinosaursRoar Sat 15-Aug-15 20:45:13

My mum has a habit of doing this, they've retired to their holiday home then I am expected to drop everything when they are back as they haven't seen the dgc for so long and it's always presented as my fault, not theirs for spending the previous 3 months overseas...

Anyway, your DP is being a dick. Does sound like he considers you not to be the most important relationship in his life (happy to dump you to see his mates), but thinks that he should be the priority for you.

DH and I did long distance for years, I do think that if it's the right relationship, long distance can work, but if it's the wrong one, it won't.

Ragwort Sat 15-Aug-15 20:49:54

spent ages on the phone most evenings - perhaps I should clarify that this was before mobiles were so common place so sitting down and making an old fashioned phone call was the norm those days grin - no texting/FB etc throughout the day. !!

wannaBe Sat 15-Aug-15 20:51:37

What are your plans for the future of this relationship? IMO long distance relationships can only be successful if A, you make the effort to see each other when you can thus building on the relationship, and B, if you know where you stand in the future, not that you have to make concrete plans but if you can see a chance of it becoming a non long distance relationship iyswim.

If he is failing to put the effort in to be together on the weekends you could be together then I would be asking whether this relationship has a future and thus whether it is worth continuing with.

I am in a ldr due to dp's job and the fact I have a ds so I live here to sustain his relationship with his dad iyswim. However we are engaged and dp is looking for work here, but even if he was unable to get work here we know that ds won't live at home for ever (he's nearly 13 now) and in the meantime dp travels to see me every weekend

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