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To feel that I'm just far too accessible

(9 Posts)
RusticBlush Fri 14-Aug-15 22:49:28

I'm always there for my friends, if they need me I drop everything yet I'm having a shitty time just now and I feel so unimportant to them.
The jist of it is that years ago when I was younger and more selfish they bent over backwards for me yet now I am always there for everyone else they spend their time and effort on more flakey friends - I'm just there as a back drop.
I don't want to have to change for the worse for them to make an effort but its really got me down.
I don't know whether to feel flattered that they feel they don't have to make an effort with me or just to be dam right pissed off.
What do I do as its really getting to me now sad

DonkeyOaty Fri 14-Aug-15 22:55:19


Worth thinking about why you think being assertive and saying No that doesn't suit me is a change for the worse.

Fishwives Fri 14-Aug-15 22:58:13

Exactly what Donkey said. Ask yourself why you feel having boundaries and prioritising your own needs at times would be 'worse'.

RusticBlush Fri 14-Aug-15 23:00:21

I am quite assertive but I hate any one else feeling bad or alone.

DonkeyOaty Fri 14-Aug-15 23:11:09

Ah now. Let others own their feelings. One cannot control them. Ask self why you are assuming responsibility for other's thoughts /feelings/reactions. Not necessary.

DonkeyOaty Fri 14-Aug-15 23:11:59

Ps apols for brevity, am on tinyphone.

RusticBlush Fri 14-Aug-15 23:26:07

Thankyou donkey you are right, I think I care too much and I need to just concentrate on my family and myself.
It's hard as ive always thought so much of my friends but its detrimental to myself to be feeling this shit about the way they are with me.

Fishwives Fri 14-Aug-15 23:37:41

It's detrimental to foreground others' needs at the expense of your own emotional well-being, whether or not they are appreciative.

RusticBlush Fri 14-Aug-15 23:47:45

I'm seeing that now thankyou fishwives
Think I've been on a bit of a martyr/karma path yet it's not been very beneficial to myself - at all emotionally.

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