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To think people shouldn't say anything if they've nothing nice to say?

(216 Posts)
Laindons Fri 14-Aug-15 13:01:04

A friend of mine's daughter is 16, and just put up a 12 weeks scan picture on Facebook, captioning ''It's official, baby is on his/her way and is nice and healthy''. This is the first she'd mentioned of her pregnancy on Facebook.

I was astonished by the responses! People said things along the lines of ''you're joking? :O'' ''Lol are you serious?'' One person even had the cheek to comment ''Really?'' Well yes fucking really, otherwise why would she put a bloody scan picture?

For some reason I think these people are completely out of line. Fine, it's okay to think that to yourself. BUT why bloody post it online, on someone's scan picture? Seems very disrespectful to me, no matter how you look at it.

AIBU to be so mad? Her Mum is also astonished as some of these comments were from Mums at the school that her younger sibling goes to and the Mum is friends with them.

Seriously, there was not one congratulations in sight from these outspoken people. Don't you think people ought to put up and shut up?

Jackie0 Fri 14-Aug-15 13:04:01

I wouldn't be offering congratulations to a pregnant 16 year old , I'd say nothing .

supermariossister Fri 14-Aug-15 13:04:32

I had my son at just short of 17 and not once was I told congratulations on being pregnant. I remember being told aren't I silly, what a shame and a friends mum stopping me to say she didn't know whether to hug me or slap me. ds is 8 now and I haven't had any more one thing I always say to dp is it would be different for me to be pregnant and people actually be happy for us. which is a shame. all the best to her from me and congratulations thanks

NotReallyAPrincess Fri 14-Aug-15 13:05:27

I would assume it was a joke to be honest.

I do agree that it's better to stay silent than say something unpleasant though.

Laindons Fri 14-Aug-15 13:06:54

Well that's fine Jackie, but like you say, you wouldn't say anything.

Supermariossister, good on you. I bet you're a fab Mum. Isn't all life to be celebrated, not looked down upon? Thank you, will certainly tell her of your congrats!

pigsDOfly Fri 14-Aug-15 13:07:58

This is MN the last thing people do on here OP is put up or shut up.

It does seem unnecessary to post negative or unkind remarks to this young woman's news but it's FB and people feel they can be as nasty as they like on there - it's a well known effect of social media - they probably wouldn't say it to her face.

trollkonor Fri 14-Aug-15 13:09:17

16 is youngish and I imagine that its not unheard of for a teenager to put a joke pregnancy post on social media.
If it wasnt widely known that she was pregnant then yes you would expect many surprised comments from her friends. They were not negative or nasty coments in themselves, unless there's a background story.

Or was it the 16 year olds mum posting the pictures on her own facebook?

MistressMerryWeather Fri 14-Aug-15 13:09:33

Some people are just dicks and can't help themselves.

They are probably thrilled to have something to talk about.

Laindons Fri 14-Aug-15 13:09:41

pigs, that's fine to say whatever you think of MN, but I'm talking about a young girls news, not an anonymous website.

pigsDOfly Fri 14-Aug-15 13:09:59

Or maybe they would from what other posters have said.

Like JackieO I'd probably keep quiet.

Laindons Fri 14-Aug-15 13:11:12

The thing is this, lots of those who commented already knew really.. the just had to put their two pences worth in and be nasty. As Mistress has said, I'm sure they were all thrilled for a bit of fresh gossip.

AnUtterIdiot Fri 14-Aug-15 13:12:35

I actually did have a friend tell me she was pregnant as a joke when we were teenagers, so I am not surprised some people asked. For me being pregnant at 16 would have been an unqualified disaster (I realise that is not so for everyone) so I am also not surprised that some of her friends were shocked.

I do think it is always best to phone up and check out IM before commenting if you are unsure, so yes, I do agree with you that it would have been better to check first or say nothing at all.

Heels99 Fri 14-Aug-15 13:12:40

16 year old pregnancies are never going to get a great reaction are they most people will assume it's a joke.

A pet hate of mine is people saying things are 'official'. When you register the birth it's official, there is nothing official about not bothering with contraception when a teenager resulting I a teen pregnancy

trollkonor Fri 14-Aug-15 13:14:54

Ahh I see. In that case yes if you have nothing nice to say keep your mouth shut. Even if you dont know if congratulations are appropriate in the circumstances you can at least wish her well, or ask how she is.

Laindons Fri 14-Aug-15 13:15:52

As I've said, it wasn't her friends commenting, it was Mums from the school (not her school, her siblings), who already bloody knew because ehr Mum had said! It was no secret, most people knew, she just didn't announce it on FB until after her scan.

pigsDOfly Fri 14-Aug-15 13:16:17

I'm not defending them Laindons I just think people are likely to be nastier on the internet than to people's faces.

Agree it doesn't cost anything to just put congratulation but I think a lot of people feel they have the right to say what ever comes into their heads without considering other people's feelings especially on sites like FB.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Fri 14-Aug-15 13:16:53

Teens aren't known to be diplomatic are they? We knew some teens at school who got pregnant and as a 16 year old I wouldn't have offered congratulations!

BarbarianMum Fri 14-Aug-15 13:17:58

Maybe, but a resounding silence to her scan picture wouldn't be very nice either, would it?

You're right, people shouldn't be unkind and it's lovely that baby appears healthy but it would be hard not to be surprised (and personally I can't think of any 16 year olds where I wouldn't feel horrified). "Congratulations" does feel wrong somehow - the few teens I've known who found themselves pregnant weren't very happy about it at 12 weeks even if they chose to keep their baby.

Certainly if a 16 year old of mine told me his girlfriend was pregnant I wouldn't be saying "congratulations, how wonderful." I would think people will be more supportative when they've got used to the idea.

DrSethHazlittMD Fri 14-Aug-15 13:18:11

Bette Davis when asked to comment on the death of Joan Crawford: "You should never say bad things about the dead, you should only say good. Joan Crawford is dead. Good."

Laindons Fri 14-Aug-15 13:19:06

Sally, well it was actually the 16 year olds who were commenting congrats, not family/mums friends.

Lilicat1013 Fri 14-Aug-15 13:22:37

That is a really shitty thing to do especially from adults who should know better (rather than the teenager's peer group). A teenage pregnancy is far from ideal but it has happened now and she has obviously decided to keep the baby so needs as much support as possible.

Personally as I would be sure the congratulations is appropriate or would be welcomed I would focus on saying that I was glad the baby was healthy.

Sparklingbrook Fri 14-Aug-15 13:23:07

I will never understand FB. What happened to meeting up with people and telling them the news personally and showing the actual scan picture to them?

Redshoes55 Fri 14-Aug-15 13:25:09

Not to say something though would be horrible.

Being pregnant at 16 is not a disaster don't be stupid people. Dying at 16 is a tragic disaster.

People cope. My mil was a fabulous mum to 5 children and had her first at 16 and her last at 26.

She's made a decision to keep her baby. That's her choice so personally I would have posted a congrats and hope all goes well.

To post nasty things is always nasty.

Itsthevibe Fri 14-Aug-15 13:27:00

Those responses aren't expressing rudeness, they're expressing surprise, which is entirely reasonable.

WeAllHaveWings Fri 14-Aug-15 13:27:40

As others have said a 16 year pregnancy isn't going to get many congratulations for obvious reasons. Not sure what type of response they were really expecting?

I wouldn't read those comments as nasty at all, more honest and neutral, maybe awkwardly trying to be funny with the lol and :O 's added.

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