Wedding and childcare

[Freeble]

Sorry I want to put this as objectively as I can as can't see wood for the trees and need impartial honestly.

Couple have been invited to wedding of old mutual friend. One of the couple has been asked to have a part in the ceremony which will involve them being present on the stage of the ceremony for about 2 hours. Its a child friendly / alternative event and it has been made clear by those marrying that should this person need to hold their baby while up there it is not a problem.

The other member of the couple (who are not getting married!) has suggested the person does not take on this honoured role as they will be unable to help with their other child, who is 6, and will not be able to do very much with the baby as probably won't be able to hold them up there for the whole thing. The other member of this couple is upset that the person taking on this role, which of course is an honour, has not thought to refuse on these grounds.

Views appreciated!

[gobbynorthernbird]

My view is that it's pretentious twaddle and guests of any age will be bored shitless.

[PiperChapstick]

If the person going "on stage" is thrilled to have been asked and is keen to play a part I think their OH should try and be more understanding than just saying "no". It will be v boring for a 6yo for 2 hours, but that child may be perfectly well behaved as well. I'd suggest that if need be the OH takes 6yo out and hands baby to "stage" person. It's just one of those things you have to put up with when you take kids to a wedding

[neolara]

Er...why does the person who is causing a fuss need help to look after the 6 year old and a baby? Unless there are other issues which you haven't mentioned, that's a bit odd to think they can't cope with their own kids for 2 hours.

[CaptainHolt]

I would be a bit if DP sat on a stage at a wedding for 2 hours while I looked after a baby and 6yo unless I had lots of pals I could chat too. Are people expected to watch the 2 hour spectacular, like a play, or can you wonder off to the bar?

[PiperChapstick]

I really wanna know what the "stage" person is doing - is it simple like best man/bridesmaid or will they be juggling or plate spinning please let it be latter

[Freeble]

You can wander off and there's a few mutual friends

[Freeble]

Stage person simply being present on stage

[PiperChapstick]

I would be roping in mutual friends if they also have kids! Maybe to take in turns with taking kids out etc.

Bloody 2 hour weddings! Note to B&Gs everywhere - no one likes this!! Guests just piss and moan when they find out

[maddy68]

Why will they need to be 'on stage" for two hours?
Ceremony's don't take very long

[Freeble]

Well it's a bit more alternative then usual ceremonies....

[Freeble]

Not in any kind of weird or whacky way, its just not what you usually get

[gobbynorthernbird]

How is it 'alternative'? And why is it 2 hours?

[CaptainHolt]

I think if you can wonder off and there are friends then the non stage parent has the better end of the deal.

[PiperChapstick]

If all else fails (eg no one to pal up with, etc) I would say to B&G could they just have him up there for part of the ceremony.

This sounds like a weird wedding I hope you tell us more

[Freeble]

Sorry I'm really trying not to out the wedding! Its unusual and I can't really say more than that as would not want b or g to get wind that there was anything less than harmony in relation to their plans

[Fizrim]

Is it your wedding then?

It's not going to be very relaxing for the person not 'on stage' for the two hours they have to look after the 6 year old, even in the event that the 'on stage' person holds the baby (and I think this is unlikely). They are not going to be able to sit and watch the ceremony while the other parent has a couple of hours off!

[Freeble]

Not getting a consensus here people.... Should the stage person have been more considerate to family needs? Is non stage person being mean spirited?!

[scallopsrgreat]

Why can't the other partner look after their children?

Why does the partner on stage have to do everything?

[Freeble]

Not my wedding, cross my heart

[PiperChapstick]

Not getting a consensus here people.... Should the stage person have been more considerate to family needs? Is non stage person being mean spirited?!

It depends. Is stage person really keen to take on the role, or not arsed? If it's former I think non-stage should try and rope in help in forms of mutual friends, especially any with kids. If it's the latter it's a great excuse not to do the stage thing

[Freeble]

Intrigued by notion of 'couple of hours off'... So stage person is effectively getting a break and not chipping into family responsibility ? Not being combatative, genuinely interested in views

[Freeble]

Stage person aghast at suggestion of not doing it, as is great honour

[BackforGood]

If one parent has a role to play in any sort of ceremony that is presumably important to them, then it's not unreasonable to expect the other parent to cope with a 6 yr old and a baby for a couple of hours, IMO. Not ideal, but, when you have small dc, that's what life is like and there are times you suck it up so your partner can do something that is presumably important to them.

That said, I agree with everyone else this sounds like a very odd wedding ceremony, and am dyiing to know why anyone would be expected to sit/stand on a stage for two hours for a wedding ceremony

[Zillie77]

A two hour wedding sounds rough in general (mine was 20 minutes long!) but I certainly think the partner offstage should be able to handle two kids for that amount of time.

[CaptainHolt]

Do the not getting married couple get to spend much family time together generally? We don't so I wouldn't like to be separated on a rare day together. If I saw DP evenings and weekends then I probably wouldn't care all that much.