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To have snapped at dh about this?

(22 Posts)
dollydaydream27 Thu 13-Aug-15 14:40:55

Talking to dh on phone this morning about friends and new baby . Dh told me he had just spoken to the new dad and he was tired and now back at work . Dh had said to him that he needs to sleep on the sofa in order to get a good nights sleep.
I found this really offensive as if the new dads sleep is so much more important than the mothers that he should sleep downstairs hmm. I think today is a particularly bad day as I am suffering from lack of sleep from my own dc and dh doesn't do night feeds as he works and has a very early start. AIBU to think that a new dads sleep isn't more important than the new mum?

TenForward82 Thu 13-Aug-15 14:44:01

Ehhh, while I see your point, for me it depends on who is working. A SAHP can nap throughout the day if they're sleep deprived and the baby is sleeping / safe, but if one of you has to work, napping is not an option on the job.

WorraLiberty Thu 13-Aug-15 14:44:21

Your DH didn't say it was more important, did he?

He said he needs to sleep on the sofa, in order to get a good night's sleep.

Both parents need to do what they can to get enough sleep, to get through the day.

It's not a competition.

MrsSippy Thu 13-Aug-15 14:44:38

But don't the Moms get the chance to sleep when the baby does, it might be frowned on if the Dad does the same at work.

goodnessgraciousgouda Thu 13-Aug-15 14:45:47

I think YABU, but purely because you yourself have the same sort of understanding. Your husband works, so you do all the night feeds. So you are prioritising his sleep over yours.

Basically your husband was just advising what you two already do, with a slight difference in where exactly the guy sleeps. But if he isn't getting up to help with night feeds, then where he sleeps isn't exactly a massive issue.

I don't think a dad's sleep is more important than the mum's though. I do think if one parents is working full time, then they need priority sleep at night, as they don't have the option of sleeping during the day (when baby is asleep or whatever).

AdeleDazeem Thu 13-Aug-15 14:45:59

I don't get it. If New Dad is sleeping on the sofa and leaving the bed to New Mum then doesn't that suggest New Mums sleep is more important?

Or do you mean that New Dad will get uninterrupted sleep and New Mum has to do all the night feeds?

SpaggyBollocks Thu 13-Aug-15 14:46:08

DP would have loved to have helped with night feeds despite his early starts but sadly didn't have the right... equipment.

haveabreakhaveakitkat Thu 13-Aug-15 14:46:18

Probably not a popular answer but I agree with your dh. When ours were born my dh was working 12 hour shifts with heavy machinery so yes, his sleep was more important than mine when he was working. He needed to be well rested or put himself or others at risk. I got more sleep when he had his days off.

dollydaydream27 Thu 13-Aug-15 14:46:44

Agree to some extent however , particular friends have another child so no real chance of daytime naps . Also depends on child , working parent gets set break times , parent at home doesn't. How about when both are working ? It's not really ok for the mother to get up in night and father not is it ?

Totality22 Thu 13-Aug-15 14:47:14

7 month old DD still doesn't sleep through. As she is ebf and we co sleep, I'd be stitching OH up if I made him do the night shift.

It's not something I can get all up in arms about to be honest.

morelikeguidelines Thu 13-Aug-15 14:47:46

I think it all depends on the circumstances. I don't like the idea of a blanket view that wohps need their sleep more, but every case is different.

And unless one party is being extremely selfish, probably none of your business (in the nicest possible way!) grin

dollydaydream27 Thu 13-Aug-15 14:48:26

New dad gets uninterrupted sleep .

MelanieCheeks Thu 13-Aug-15 14:48:35

I think you were a bit unreasonable to argue with your DH about it. It's up to the new parents how they sort out sleeping, and I wouldn't regard sleeping on the sofa as being the preferred option.

AuntyMag10 Thu 13-Aug-15 14:48:36

Yabu, if the dh is the only one working then I do think he should be going to work without broken sleep. Your dh didn't say that the fathers sleep is more important, you just got touchy and snapped at him.

dollydaydream27 Thu 13-Aug-15 14:50:57

Baby is bottle fed. I agree with most posters I have to say I think I snapped as dh advised them to do what we do and it just highlighted to me that I actually don't think it's fair , be this right or wrong .

QuiteLikely5 Thu 13-Aug-15 14:52:01

Why argue over something that's not your problem?

Maybe you need some sleep smile

dollydaydream27 Thu 13-Aug-15 14:53:37

Yes agreed on the sleep smile. I snapped as actually what upset me had nothing to do with them at all but made me see in a new light the way he viewed our roles.

BarbarianMum Thu 13-Aug-15 14:55:53

I think YABU. Whilst I was on maternity leave it was my husband's job to bring in some money so we could pay the mortgage, bills and eat. He couldn't have done his job well on endless broken sleep and it would have been downright dangerous for him to drive in that condition.

Fine for husbands and partners to help new mums get some sleep by doing nights at the weekends, or the first feed or the last feed but stupid for both parents to be on their knees because of solidarity.

morelikeguidelines Thu 13-Aug-15 14:56:04

Fair enough, op. We have all been guilty of projecting from time to time!

MerryMarigold Thu 13-Aug-15 15:06:14

The way we did it was for dh to do a late night feed eg. 11.30/ 12 when I was sleeping (went to bed after the previous feed around 9) and then I did the rest of the night ones. He had uninterrupted sleep from midnight to 7, I had broken sleep but at least 5-6 hours straight.

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 13-Aug-15 15:07:02

Barbarian my husband and I have the same arrangement for the exact same reasons you mention.

screamtoabloodysigh Thu 13-Aug-15 15:20:11

I did all night feeds with both dcs, even when I was back in work. Dh did burping duties early on and he slept elsewhere once he was back in work. Second time round, there was no sleeping elsewhere as ds was a v early riser, so neither of us slept. Once I'd stopped bfeeding though, I made dh do most of the night wakings.

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