horrible bridesmaids dress help !!

(52 Posts)
redannie118 Thu 13-Aug-15 11:21:19

Im being bridesmaid for my best friend next year. She is having a 50s style wedding and the dress she has chosen for me and the other 2 bridesmaids are 50s style dresses,no problem with that,I have several 50s style dresses myself. The problem we have is the dresses were only 25 pounds each (original not sale price) and they look it. The material is paper thin and looks awful. However its her day,ive been married before (as has one of the other bridesmaids )and I really dont give a toss,id be happy to wear a bin bag as long as I could be bridesmaid. The problem we have is the other bridesmaid,she is very much a tomboy never wears dresses etc and (by the brides own admission)looks awful in the dress she has chosen.i would hasten to add its nothing to do with this bridesmaid,its that the dress is so cheap and awful. She is so upset about how bad she looks she is talking about not being a bridesmaid. Bride has got her back up and says she wears the dress she picked,no compromise. Now I would like to mention that this bridesmaid has been friends with the bride for 20 years and when bride was a struggling single mother student she would lend her money so she could buy her sond christmas presents without having to go to a loan shark. She has been with her through thick and thin and although of course its the brides day she could cut her some slack. As for money I know for a fact thats no issue,shes just paid 10000 in cash for a new car and her mum just gave her 1000 for "underwear,shoes whatever"so I dont think it would be unreasonable to spend more on the bridesmaid dress.myself and the other bridesmaid would be totally happy to wear the dresses she has picked if bride payed to have the other dress custom made,but again she flat refuses to consider this as we all have to look the same. I feel really sorry for the other bridesmaid but is there any other way I could raise this with the bride?sorry for long post and thanks so much for advice !!

UrethraFranklin1 Thu 13-Aug-15 11:22:38

I don't see how its any of your business, its between the two of them.

NaiceHamSandwich Thu 13-Aug-15 11:25:37

It's mean of her to dress her bridesmaids in dresses that by her own admission look awful, especially when she has the money to get better. I wouldn't want my bridesmaids in dresses that were cheap shite and have them ruin the look of my wedding grin have heard of some brides dressed their bridesmaids in shit so that they don't show them up shock

But, it is her wedding, and no one has to be a bridesmaid if they aren't happy to be. There are no legally binding contract involved.

Writerwannabe83 Thu 13-Aug-15 11:28:13

I actually think it's REALLY cheeky of her to make complaints about the bridesmaid dresses and stomp her feet about wanting to wear something else.

I was like this shock reading your post.

If I was the bride I would be telling your friend that her services as a bridesmaid are no longer required.

fastdaytears Thu 13-Aug-15 11:31:00

Have you got a link? How bad are we talking? There are a few ok dresses around that price point...though a lot that aren't!

Spilose Thu 13-Aug-15 11:31:28

Yabu. It's one dress for a few hours on one day. The bride doesn't want to compromise. So I'd either step down with no fuss or get on with it.

russiandwarf Thu 13-Aug-15 11:31:47

Maybe drop into conversation what a shame it will be that the photos will show exactly how bad that dress looks on this bridesmaid... People will probably comment on it if it's that bad!

TheNameIWantedIsTaken Thu 13-Aug-15 11:35:15

I think that the bridesmaid should suck it up and acknowledge the fact she's only wearing it for a few hours whilst actually there to celebrate an immensely happy day in the bride's life. It's just a dress! Hardly the end of the world...

This is why I hate the fuss of weddings, seems no one actually cares about the reason for he day, just about what everyone else expects!

noeffingidea Thu 13-Aug-15 11:36:01

It's simple . If she really doesn't want to wear the dress then she can step down from being bridesmaid. After that it's up to the bride to decide if she wants to get a different dress.
Personally if I was the bride I would want my bridesmaids to look and feel as good as possible, especially nowadays when photos are all over social media.

MackerelOfFact Thu 13-Aug-15 11:37:54

I think the bride sounds horrible, telling the bridesmaid she looks awful in the dress but still expecting her to wear it without compromise. shock

The price and quality of the dress is neither here nor there really, it's more the fact she doesn't care that her good friend feels embarrassed, self-conscious and uncomfortable in a dress that she knows looks rubbish.

Not really much you can do as a bridesmaid though, unless the three of you go shopping, find something that suits you all, pay for it yourselves and try and persuade the bride to let you wear them instead.

YouMakeMyDreams Thu 13-Aug-15 11:38:17

From the other side of this I wish I had put my foot down sooner with my bm's tbh. I had bought dresses in a sale and in the end with 2 months to go one didn't fit one of them. I couldn't get a match so looked at options I was even happy to have mismatched dresses but in the same colour and style as they all like something different but they insisted they needed to match. While still saying oh but it's your day you decide.
In th end there was so much fannying about I ordered one and said this is it. 2 out of 4 moaned and one nearly refused to even try it on. When they all finally did they loved it and will all look fab on the day.
They were 50's style and £30 from Lindy Bop where I have loads of stuff from. So they don't have to be expensive to look good.
I think you should leave well alone. It is stressful enough when these things start happening without everyone waiting in.
Or could you all offer to look at somewhere like lindy bop and offer to pay for your own? She might be more open to a solution rather than out and out threats and tantrums. It's one day a few hours but a huge deal to her.

GaryBaldy Thu 13-Aug-15 11:40:04

This is why I hate the fuss of weddings, seems no one actually cares about the reason for he day, just about what everyone else expects!

^^This

If BM is really upset about it can she not wear it to the ceremony and pictures and strategically drop a glass of red down it so she can change?

Shakirasma Thu 13-Aug-15 11:42:45

I actually think the bride is beings totally out of order. This BM has been a really good, genuine friend over the years but the bride is being no friend at all in trying to force this woman to go out in public knowing she looks like a bag of shite. Especially knowing she will be photographed and most likely those pictures will end up on social media for the world to see.

There are websites dedicated to taking the piss out of badly dressed brides and bridesmaids. If the bride was oblivious to how bad this BM looks in the dress it could almost be excused but to demand she wears it in full knowledge of how awful the poor woman looks is just spiteful.

redannie118 Thu 13-Aug-15 11:48:45

Yep I do agree with a lot of what people are saying..its her day,her vision etc. What I dont understand is that by the brides own admission the dress looks awful, so why is she insisting she wears it if the bride and the bridesmaid hate it?

Hellionandfriends Thu 13-Aug-15 11:52:27

What can be done to alter/add to the dress to make it better?

What is it that is awful? Why does it look bad?

redannie118 Thu 13-Aug-15 11:57:21

The dress really does not suit the bridesmaids body shape and as its made from paper thin satin you can see EVERY lump bump and imperfection. As to altering it,its a good idea but as the dress was so cheap it would cost more to alter it than it would to buy a new one.

GloGirl Thu 13-Aug-15 12:01:00

YABU. It's cosy £75 so far and has saved her X hours of finding something else and £X in a more expensive choice.

Your friend needed a new car so that 10k was a necessity spend and I'm sure she has other uses for her mother's gift if she has a whole wedding to plan and 50+ people to feedo.

GloGirl Thu 13-Aug-15 12:01:47

Your friend should pay out of her pocket to alter it to suit her. Maybe some firm underwear might help.

MokunMokun Thu 13-Aug-15 12:03:48

Ah, that satin. It really doesnt flatter. Can she get some smoothing underwear?

redannie118 Thu 13-Aug-15 12:03:57

Yep glo I did think that I did mention this to bridesmaid as I know I intend to wear a good corset on the day !!!!

PercyGherkin Thu 13-Aug-15 12:05:28

This is something of which you would do well to keep out. It's only going to get worse!

Having said keep your beak out in real life, I'll put mine in. I agree bride is being very shortsighted and unreasonable if she wants to force a friend to be uncomfortable on her wedding day (and it's not even as though it will look good in the photos for posterity). Having said that, if that's what bride thinks then bridesmaid just needs to say look, I'm just not comfortable with this, I don't want to spoil things for you, I'll still help you (if required) but I won't be a formal bridesmaid". If the sh*t hits the fan at that then she's best off out of the friendship anyway.

redannie118 Thu 13-Aug-15 12:20:00

Thanks percy..yep lots of people have told me to just keep out it (dh included !!) Starting to sound like a good plan....

Scholes34 Thu 13-Aug-15 12:25:05

Smoothing underwear and a change of clothes for later in the day. I'm sure the other BM can work this out for herself.

MaxPepsi Thu 13-Aug-15 12:27:43

I was a bridesmaid one of many occasions for a friend who had her heart set on terracotta for us. She'd seen the dresses and fallen in love with them.
She took me and the other maids to see them, held them up excitedly next to me and said, oh dear - re think required, that will never suit you and you'll look bloody awful. Suited all the others but not me. She completely changed her colour scheme!

I had a specific colour of blue in mind for my bridesmaids and a specific style of dress. I wasn't keen on the style my maids chose but they were happy which is the main thing and I also didn't get my first choice of colour as it's didn't come in the shade I wanted. Still blue, but not the specific blue I wanted.

So....after all that, what I'm trying to say is the bride is being unreasonable and needs to have a rethink.

MokunMokun Thu 13-Aug-15 12:33:25

Will the bride compromise and allow you all shawls?

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