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Please reassure me this is totally odd - thank you cards

(136 Posts)
Gobbolinothewitchscat Wed 12-Aug-15 12:29:23

Disclaimer: I normally get on very well with my DM

.....however, she has one weakness - thank you cards. Which she basically thinks should be written ASAP. She's been like this all my life so I just do it and humour her. I have a DS2 and a DD1 and her and DF's friends have been very generous sending presents etc to the DC

I use touch note so it's not too much of a ball ache and saves us having phone conversations where she tells me that so and so was worried that I didn't receive their present as they hadn't heard anything from me. Despite me pointing out that she could have reassured them as she handed the fucking thing over two days earlier

Anyway.....last night, another friend of DM's gave her a Christmas decoration thing that she had made for me.

Said friend is currently up biding my aunt (DM's sister) and my DM and DF went out for dinner with them last night where this thing was ceremoniously handed over.

The friend is staying for about a week with my aunt and - for part of the week - aunt and friend will be staying with my cousin.

I said to DM that I would do a thank you card today - can't get better than that, I thought? Particularly as I have a 1 year old and a 2 year old and am 27 weeks pregnant

DM has just asked me how long a touch note card takes to arrive. I said about 2 - 3 days. DM thinks I should send the card to my cousin's house so that friend gets it ASAP!!!

I just looked hmm confused shock and said to DM that surely the friend (ie DM!) could wait for one week to receive the card when she gets home - particularly as she gave the present to mum so knows it hasn't been lost in the post. Plus, my cousin would probably rightly think I was a right bloody weirdo for using her house as a postbox. And, if it was delayed in the post, she then has to send it on to the friend - which is a bit of a pain.

DM clearly thinks I am being very rude and mean. Please reassure me I'm not losing my marbles. I am 37 years old (but feel about 5) and dreading having to do the thank you cards for DC3 already

This fetish for thank you cards means that I now actually hate receiving them myself - particularly from children. I order most present on line so can clearly see if they have been delivered or not and I couldn't care less if I get a thank you card back or not

TenForward82 Wed 12-Aug-15 12:30:47


HopOnTheMonnerBus Wed 12-Aug-15 12:33:36

I'd buy a pile of thank you cards, write them all out then give them to your DM to give over as soon as she collects the presents from her friends/relatives.

Can't get there any faster than that!

haveabreakhaveakitkat Wed 12-Aug-15 12:33:49

Don't send it. Nip this ridiculousless in the bud now.

FarFromAnyRoad Wed 12-Aug-15 12:34:19

YANBU at all. AT ALL! This is so far beyond anything I have experience of that all I can do is splutter on your behalf!

AlfAlf Wed 12-Aug-15 12:34:52

Have you even received the decoration yourself yet?

QuizteamBleakley Wed 12-Aug-15 12:36:50

Christmas decorations in August? Why? What?

You haven't received the strange Christmas decoration gift though, have you? How can you thank someone for something you haven't yet received?


Pippidoeswhatshewants Wed 12-Aug-15 12:36:51

YANBU. My gran keeps reminding me to say please and thank you before meeting anybody. I am 40 and just smile and nod

Gobbolinothewitchscat Wed 12-Aug-15 12:37:28

I'm not bloody sending it - my cousin would think I was bonkers. I can imagine her text right now grin

I'd love to do a pile of cards. But, you see, that's not a proper thank you card. According to DM Drusilla Beyfuss it must specifically reference what the gift is and also allude to the giver's specific personal circumstances - ie "I hope you enjoyed your most recent golfing holiday in Portugal"

<whacks head off wall>

Dynomite Wed 12-Aug-15 12:38:44

I've never received or given any thank you cards. This situation is nuts. Yanbu. And I second the idea of writing loads of thank you cards and giving them to your mum to hand over when needed.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Wed 12-Aug-15 12:39:00

Sorry! Sorry! Massive drip feed. Please don't hate me

I have received the gift. The DC and me are currently staying with DM and DF as having massive building works done so I actually received it half an hour ago.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Wed 12-Aug-15 12:39:22

The DC and I

pigsDOfly Wed 12-Aug-15 12:40:51

Yes your DM is treating you like a child.

Her need to control when and to whom you send a thank you cards is because of how she thinks it reflects on her as your mother.

She needs to be reminded that you are an adult and the responsibility for sending, or not sending thank you cards for gifts you receive lies with you.

Tell her you'll deal with it when you get round to it. It's nothing to do with her. Sounds to me as if you've got enough on your plate, without jumping to her tune.

haveabreakhaveakitkat Wed 12-Aug-15 12:41:55

Tell her you're not doing cards anymore due to respecting the environment. You will text/email your thanks instead.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Wed 12-Aug-15 12:42:40

Her need to control when and to whom you send a thank you cards is because of how she thinks it reflects on her as your mother.

Exactly. Why is she so weird about this? In every other way she is so kind and supportive. Can't do enough for us and is a doting granny.

Is there a book I could suggest she reads?! grin

ijustwannadance Wed 12-Aug-15 12:42:51

I have never sent a thank you card. Simple text, email or quick call. Even a group thanks on fb. I often wonder what will happen when the older generation is no longer here. No way todays 'yoof' will be sending thank you cards.

HelsBels3000 Wed 12-Aug-15 12:43:09

I would stop accepting gifts = no need for these ridiculously prompt thank you cards!

Vatersay Wed 12-Aug-15 12:43:50

You are an adult and get to decide where to send correspondence to all on your own.

Etiquette generally gives you three weeks for a thank you card you are well within that.

I feel your pain though my DHs extended family are a but odd about cards. I've had a thank you card for a thank you card for goodness sake.

They all call each other up as soon as the card arrives and discuss the picture and message so they all have to be different! grin

SirPercyPilkington Wed 12-Aug-15 12:45:51

Fuck that.
Just ring the woman who made you a Christmas decoration in fucking August to say thank you.
That'll do, no? And I would so do what HopOn says and give DM a pile of generic thank you cards, completed with 'Thank you so much for this, Love Gobbolino'
She gets the thank you card and if it's too impersonal for her, then tough shit.

BettyCatKitten Wed 12-Aug-15 12:46:05

I find all this very odd, but then my family don't do thank you cards but thank you txts.
Why don't you txt your cousin a thank you. Remind your mum you're a free thinking autonomous adult, not a child.

EponasWildDaughter Wed 12-Aug-15 12:47:11


I am so with you OP.

My DM is exactly the same. I have no words of comfort for you. She is still doing it to me AND my three oldest daughters. The eldest of whom is ... 22 ! grinshock

''Make sure A writes a thank you note to Aunty P wont you?''.


DD4 is only tiny, yet to be able to even hold a pen. I am NOT passing on this bloody thank you note stress this time around.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Wed 12-Aug-15 12:47:26

I would actually not like the presents - which makes me feel like a right ingrate

I got in a total state when DS was born over them to the extent that DH hid the box for three weeks. As I was exclusively expressing for DS, crying and trying to write thank you cards in between it all. Then two bags got muddled up and I sent thank you cards to two people for the wring presents.

Dark times.....

DaysAreWhereWeLive Wed 12-Aug-15 12:49:21

Fucking thank you cards are the root of all evil!

Just phone her up and say the magic words 'thank you' and that will be the end of that. Stop letting your Mum bully you!

DawnOfTheDoggers Wed 12-Aug-15 12:49:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PLUtoPlanet Wed 12-Aug-15 12:50:49

Forget about hating receiving thank-you cards: with your mother's neurosis, I'd be hating to receive presents themselves!

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