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To give less for a wedding as the couple haven't paid for it themselves and I've not got a +1

(81 Posts)
Itsawd Wed 12-Aug-15 11:45:33

Usually I'd give 50 per person for a full day thing.

Seeing as the couple I'm going to at the weekend have had it all paid for by parents I'm thinking about giving less just because other couples I know have had to save up for their own wedding. Aibu?

Itsawd Wed 12-Aug-15 11:46:01

Forgot to say I'm thinking about 20-25 pounds

FayKorgasm Wed 12-Aug-15 11:47:30

Why does it make a difference?

MakeItRain Wed 12-Aug-15 11:48:25

I think YABU to weigh it all up in terms of who's paid what and why. I don't think that should come into it. But what you want to spend sounds fine.

ElizabethSpenser Wed 12-Aug-15 11:50:02

Oh that sounds awful.
Give what you want from your heart not from such a cynical pecuniary basis.
Awful.

AuntyMag10 Wed 12-Aug-15 11:50:30

What a stingy way of thinking about things. Really who thinks this wayconfused

MoralityPlay Wed 12-Aug-15 11:50:57

Yes a bit. I think you are overthinking it. You can never know people's real situations.

TwinkieTwinkle Wed 12-Aug-15 11:52:05

What a spiteful way to think.

EponasWildDaughter Wed 12-Aug-15 11:52:23

??

It sounds as if you're thinking of the gift for the couple in term of payment for your invite.

That's a bit sad OP.

I've never ever heard of an invitee deciding the size of gift they give being dependent on who payed for the party hmm

EWAB Wed 12-Aug-15 11:53:28

It doesn't appear that you like them so why are you going?

CaoNiMa Wed 12-Aug-15 11:53:30

What a stingy and joyless attitude.

19lottie82 Wed 12-Aug-15 11:54:14

I doubt you know the ins and outs of the finances of every single wedding you go to, and basing the value of your "gift" on your perceptions seems very clinical and mean.

Also you mention you didn't get a plus one....... Do you have an official partner? Do you know other people attending the wedding? If no and yes, then not a big deal. It can cost a lot for each guest to attend, and numbers are often tight because of this.

WayneRooneysHair Wed 12-Aug-15 11:54:15

You sound very cynical OP.

EponasWildDaughter Wed 12-Aug-15 11:55:09

Supposing a friend's parents threw them a lovely birthday party and you got an invite. Would you give your friend a cheapy present because she hadn't payed for the do?

My goodness. Just give what you can afford and are happy to give.

Spartans Wed 12-Aug-15 11:58:28

So you decide on how much is spent based on who paid for the wedding?

Do you have a plus one?

My personal opinion is that if you didn't gets plus one invite and have a long term partner, who they didn't include then you aren't that close. I spend more on wedding gifts for people who I am close to.

It just feels wrong to base it on the fact they aren't paying for it themseleves.

Spilose Wed 12-Aug-15 11:59:19

That's a pretty miserable way of looking at it tbh

WallyBantersJunkBox Wed 12-Aug-15 11:59:34

Make sure you eat two of each course at the wedding breakfast and all the bread in the basket then op.

Smuggle a few toilet rolls in your bag along with the cruet...

The scrounging bridal bastards.

That'll learn 'em.

FarFromAnyRoad Wed 12-Aug-15 11:59:55

GF?

FenellaFellorick Wed 12-Aug-15 12:02:11

I think you're overthinking it. It isn't a formula. It's a present.

Give them whatever you want to give them - as your friends - as a present on the occasion of their marriage.

Don't try to calculate something according to how much you think they need or how you think they've benefited or to make a point about you not getting a plus one.

they're your friends and they're getting married. Just give them a present.

SoupDragon Wed 12-Aug-15 12:02:15

YABU and an arse.

swimmerforlife Wed 12-Aug-15 12:07:22

YABU, and sound bitter.

I suppose, I would get a cheaper gift as I paid for my wedding through my late dad's inheritance.

titchy Wed 12-Aug-15 12:09:55

Presumably if you calculate the gift price based on how much the couple have spent on the wedding you'd be happy to give £1000 worth of gift if you were invited to a wedding where the couple had spent £100k+? No?

Itsawd Wed 12-Aug-15 12:11:50

I can't be the only one who just trys to cover their cost?

Yes I admit I'm cynical, if they hadn't of just asked for money I would be far far less cynical.

Partner but not long term.

enderwoman Wed 12-Aug-15 12:12:19

Give what you want but it is a weird way to judge how much you want to give as a gift.
Does that mean you wouldn't take a gift to a surprise party?

ratsintheattic Wed 12-Aug-15 12:12:24

Sounds like you think you are being mean and want to justify it yourself. Don't - just give what you can afford/ think is reasonable.

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