aibu to feel sorry for my children(9 Posts)
Hello all, long time lurker, first time poster.
Here goes. I have two children, one 2 year old dd and a 5 month old ds.
I sometimes feel my children really do miss out with my family. In her two years my daughter has been baby sat by my mother a handful of times. My son...once and she vowed never again as he is so difficult.
However my sister has a 4 year dd and my mum has her every single week. Sometimes over night. She's always buying her things and posting fb photos of her with the phrase my beautiful grand daughter. She has taken her on a small holiday to butlins, days out to the beach etc.
My daughter went on her first trip with my mum without me.for the first time on Monday. However my neice went too.
What's worse is my sister is pregnant again and I know when the baby is born my mum will bend over backwards to help her. She has never helped with my ds apart from once. Everytime I ask she is too busy. I desperately need a break from him sometimes as he does not stop crying but no one will help. He is due to see a paediatrician soon so hopefully that could offer some.answers.
Anyway aibu to feel slightly resentful towards my niece who can be a spoilt little madam and feel sorry for my own children who is missing out on days out with nanny
Yanbu. This must feel desperately unfair! Could you talk to your dm or ds about this?
Childcare aside, how often do you take your kids to visit your mum?
All kids can act spoilt sometimes, so try not to take your feelings out on your niece, who is the innocent party in all this.
I understand it's probably not easy though.
Has your mum always had a clear preference between you and your sister or has this just happened since you both had kids?
Are you the eldest?
I probably don't visit as much as I should however she lives a good 45 minute walk away and I don't drive. I do however live right by town but any offers for a coffee next time in town is met with "I am a bit busy at the moment will have to do it next time". I do try not to show my feelings towards niece but she has been badly spoilt. She has gotten everything she has ever wanted at the flip of a switch. She doesn't eat anything apart from crisps, chocolate, sweets, chips, yoghurts and ice cream. My sister lets her do this because she doesn't want to deal with the melt down that would occur from not giving her what she wants. I can't talk to mum about it as it would be the end of the world about how busy she is and that niece needs her more because my sister is pregnant. Its exhausting it really is. I also suspect a lot of it comes down to them not liking my husband who did nothing wrong. I was a mummys girl growing up as I am deaf and there fore needed a bit more support. This also meant I had low confidence. Before my husband if my sister wanted to go out she would dump her baby on me. Mum wanted to clean the house, I could do it for her because I wasn't doing anything important. Met dh who gave me the confidence to say no and then allowed me to move out. They have never liked him for it and I feel that my children are getting the brunt of that as well.
Ok you niece's diet etc is not the problem here.
I get that you want your Mum to show more interest in your kids, so I think you should take them to visit her more often.
A 45 minute walk isn't too massive (if there's no bus) and your Mum will probably build up a better relationship with your DC.
Speaking as someone who is estranged from her mother...I'd say you need to just hold your head up and focus on you and the little family that you have. I'm sure there are others in your life who love you and have time for you. Care for them and let your mother come to you if she wants to. If she doesn't...then she's probably not worth the upset you're feeling.
If your kids grow up feeling like their gran hasn't been fair on them, as long as you know you've given her the opportunity, there's nothing more you can do.
I don't se ether problem. There's a big difference between a 4 year old, 2 year old and 5 month old. Did your mother have niece every week at 5 months old?
At 4 years they are generally much easier, maybe your mother will have yours more at 4.
Although tbh 45 mins walk isn't that far is it?
45 mins probably isn't too far but my dd would be knackered as she doesn't use the buggy.
And yes my mum did have my niece from 5 months. In fact she used to have her a couple of nights a week from birth so sister could get a decent nights sleep.
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