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to be a little bit miffed or am I being a brat?

(114 Posts)
WeedingAnniversary Tue 11-Aug-15 21:33:37

So, it was my anniv yesterday. I recieved flowers and chocs. sigh. This year i got really upset over my birthday as not ONE of my pressents had longevity, i was going through a bad stage in my life, i was very tender, I put loads of thought into everybody else's presents, and DH asked me what the matter was and i spilled that i was upset and why. Mothers Day (after birthday) i had utterly lovely presents - really well thought out and focussed. it's not the money issue {not asking for excess}, its the easy present route that has miffed me. dh is working away at the mo, but came home for anniv which coincided with other quite major things (both positive and negative) so we actually had only about an hour of alone time. i haven't mentioned it, he doesn't know how i feel. aibu to feel a bit miffed?

esiotrot2015 Tue 11-Aug-15 21:35:56

I'd love flowers and chocolate !

BYOSnowman Tue 11-Aug-15 21:37:20

I would say brat, but it sounds like you are having a tough time at the moment so assume you are projecting negative feelings onto a safe topic

What did you give dh

daisydukes229 Tue 11-Aug-15 21:37:23

Flowers and chocolate is lovely

CalleighDoodle Tue 11-Aug-15 21:37:28

I know what you mean. Flowers die, chocolates get eaten, then youve nothing. I think flowers and chocolate should accompany an actual present.

fourtothedozen Tue 11-Aug-15 21:38:44

You are being a special snowflake.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Tue 11-Aug-15 21:40:02

I think you're very sensitive and possibly being slightly brattish.

Sorry.

bonnenuit Tue 11-Aug-15 21:40:51

Yabu: your dh did listen to you and gave you thoughtful presents for Mother's Day - it can be hard to think of great presents on every occasion. Try not to dwell on it; flowers and chocolate are still special.
Hope you feel better soon.

LavenderLeigh Tue 11-Aug-15 21:41:38

He came home.
You were able to be together, which is surely the most important thing?
He put time and effort into making sure you were together. That's priceless.

WorraLiberty Tue 11-Aug-15 21:41:45

I suppose YANBU if this sort of thing means something to you

But I keep reading people saying, "I put loads of thought into everybody else's presents".

That's your choice and surely you do that because you enjoy that sort of thing, and not so you'll get the same thing back?

At least your kids bought you lovely presents though smile

WineIsMyMainVice Tue 11-Aug-15 21:41:59

Flowers and chocolates are a lot more than I usually get for anniversary!
But having had the conversation with him recently I don't think yabu to expect a bit more.

WeedingAnniversary Tue 11-Aug-15 21:42:37

I gave him nothing as he wasn't due home. and when I found out he was coming home, I couldn't get something because of all the things going on. was planning on it being shifted to next sunday night which is when we next meet. probably get him something for his car which would greatly please him/ amd i realised i've bought a wedding card instead of an anniv card, but have time to change that

caravanista13 Tue 11-Aug-15 21:43:14

Flowers and chocolates are a cop
out - no thought needed and not remotely personal. Your DH needs to step up.

WorraLiberty Tue 11-Aug-15 21:44:07

amd i realised i've bought a wedding card instead of an anniv card, but have time to change that

So no actual careful thought went into that then, did it? hmm

WeedingAnniversary Tue 11-Aug-15 21:45:30

yeah i guess it is my choice, and I do like finding perfect pressies, just feeling a little tender at the moment and probably oversensitive about it. he did buy well last year so comparison is a bit naff. and i know thief of joy and all that. i need a head wobble

ScarlettDarling Tue 11-Aug-15 21:47:59

Yes, yabu. Flowers and chocolates won't win any prizes for originality but so what? Your Dh was there, he remembered your special day, relax and enjoy!

Life's too short to be miffed that someone bought you chocolate!!

WeedingAnniversary Tue 11-Aug-15 21:48:37

think i was a bit distracted when i bought the card, it's got hearts joined on front, but when i glanced at back at home it say Happily EVer After in the middle, which i reckon is a Wedding Day sentiment. Yes, coming home was a lovely gesture and i appreciate it, but barely have aminute to breathe at the mo, I had to get him to hide the flowers after cooing oiver them as a friend was round whose long term marriage broke up recently. and i didn't want her to spot them.

spangledboots Tue 11-Aug-15 21:49:08

If you've mentioned it before and feel you make more effort for him then I suppose it's a fair reaction.

Although I'd say if your husband treats you well on a day to day basis (which is way more important, imo) then it's not worth losing sleep over, especially if you have other things going on.

Bunbaker Tue 11-Aug-15 21:49:44

Sorry, but yes.

OH never remembers mothering Sunday, not even for his mother. I know I am not OH's mother but it would be nice if he acknowledged the day. We never get each other anything for wedding anniversaries either, but we agreed that we wouldn't right from the beginning.

I know that OH loathes shopping so I have realistic expectations with regard to Christmas and birthdays. TBH I find shopping for presents a chore as well.

WeedingAnniversary Tue 11-Aug-15 21:50:04

I'm enjoying the term special snowflake btw. grin

BYOSnowman Tue 11-Aug-15 21:51:49

Tbh, people who think they are really good present buyers
A) are really hard to buy for
B) often aren't as good as they think because no one has the heart to tell them

He made an effort to come back and surprise you. That's worth more than an object isn't it?

Peacheykeen Tue 11-Aug-15 21:52:03

I would love flowers dp has never bought me flowers I wouldn't see it as a cop out .

WorraLiberty Tue 11-Aug-15 21:53:23

Sorry I just realised he bought your Mother's day gift and not the kids.

So does he have to pick acceptable gifts on

Mother's Day

Your Birthday

Your Anniversary

Valentine's Day

Christmas

It all sounds a bit exhausting to be honest. There really is more to life and relationships than that.

Cabrinha Tue 11-Aug-15 21:53:50

You do indeed need a head wobble! At least you see that smile

You didn't get him anything! OK, you had a reason, but... presumably he didn't know he was coming back either?

Unless it was a big number, I don't think anniversaries count that much as present giving occasions. Definitely more of a flowers to mark it type thing.

Tbh, I think "something for a car for a man" is right up there with "flowers and chocolates for the lady" confused What are earth do you get for a car with "longevity"?

You mention Mother's Day as well a you're birthday. Presumably Xmas is a present occasion for you too. Add in the anniversary and that's four a year! Valentine's? You seem a lot more focused on Event Giving than I am. I'd really forget the presents thing and just enjoy each other's company.

BlackeyedSusan Tue 11-Aug-15 21:55:36

flowers and chocolate are a cliche though. fine if they are your favourite flowers and favourite chocolates, but still not requiring masses of thought. <eyeroll>

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