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To hope this is just a natural reaction that will pass

(16 Posts)
TruJay Mon 10-Aug-15 15:03:25

Yesterday we had to make the heartbreaking decision to put our darling family dog to sleep.
He was really poorly and in so much pain but I feel so guilty and that maybe we could have helped him even more than we did some way.
(This wasn't possible, no medication, operation could help, two vets both said this) but my god I miss him terribly. I barely slept all night and just sobbed, my mum is devastated and we just want him back.
I know some people really don't understand people's love of animals but we have lost a family member and we're truly heartbroken.
He had such a strong heart too, it was just his old body that failed him.
I know IANBU to feel this sad but I think it's the fact that you have to make the decision to end their lives that is killing me although you want to be selfish and keep them around.

TenForward82 Mon 10-Aug-15 15:07:54

You absolutely made the right decision - prolonging suffering is always cruel. And I know it hurts now, but I promise it does get better, and you'll look back on family photos with your doggy pal and smile.

Hang in there, OP xx

Getyercoat Mon 10-Aug-15 15:39:08

Yes it will pass.
I had our 17 year old terrier PTS a few years ago. My heart broke. My boss sent me home from work because I was dissolving into tears constantly, and I'm not a crier.
It was hard, really hard. But it did get better as time passed.

bigbluebus Mon 10-Aug-15 15:47:50

I was chatting with an acquaintance the other day who apologised for being abrupt with me the previous week, in so much as they had only said a quick "hello" in passing and not chatted. I said it was fine as I just assumed they had been in a hurry. The said they had had their dear dog PTS and he was struggling to talk about it even though they had known it was coming for a while (dog was old) and knew it was the right decision, and hadn't even felt like talking to anyone at all.

So I would say it is a perfectly normal reaction to have and definitely like losing a member of the family when they have been part of your life for so long. I hope it gets easier for you as time passes. flowers

rumbleinthrjungle Mon 10-Aug-15 15:49:48

I'm so sorry. thanks

It's a part of loving them, taking this responsibility for doing the best for them even when it's hideous for us. I've reached this stage with several elderly or critically ill beloved pets and it's very traumatising to see and go through, it is always horrible and that's apart from the huge hole they leave in your life. But it does fade, you remember the good rather than how sad the end was and you will always know you did the most loving, protective thing you could do. Look after yourself, it is going to get easier.

kissmethere Mon 10-Aug-15 16:18:55

Yes it's a natural reaction, it's a horrible grief which you need time to express.
So sorry, went through the same thing so you have my sympathy. Cliche but time does heal and you'll always miss him. Allow yourself to grieve you'll be surprised how many people will understand.
Did the vet give you a support phone number? Ours did.

TruJay Mon 10-Aug-15 17:19:57

Thank you all for your kind words.

big blue I'm just like your friend, I don't want to talk to anyone as its all right at the surface and I know I'll just burst into tears.

getyercoat that's exactly what I'm like, I just cried in Asda hmmsad

He's just left a huge whole in our lives, the long walks we all went on as a family. We got him when I was 14 as I'd always wanted a puppy and mum finally said yes. My children love him, dd (21 months) especially, they were partners in crime.
I know you set yourself up for a fall when you get a pet as this time will always come and although he had deteriorated recently he was fine on Thursday morning until he hurt himself playing with his tennis ball in the afternoon, his back end just gave way and he could barely walk and he just got worse and worse to the point of not being able to go to the toilet and come Sunday he's just gone.

He truly was a grand dog.
The look of relief on his face when he had the initial sedative to settle him was lovely to see so it was the right thing for him and he just looked at us and went to sleep then we snuggled him while she gave him the injection.

It was lovely and peaceful for him and the vet treated him outside where he loved to be, she was so kind.

TenForward82 Mon 10-Aug-15 17:23:31

That's all you can hope for OP. You called it at the right time, he had a fantastic life and a peaceful end.

I've done this 3 times and it always hurts, but always gets better (eventually).

Fluffyears Mon 10-Aug-15 17:51:16

When your pet is suffering it is easy to be selfish and want to keep them for you but it's better a day too soon than a day too late. You don't want them to suffer, you did the final kindness you could for him and you did it out of love. Think how peaceful his passing was, no pain just cuddling up to sleep with people he loved and who loved him what more could an old dog ask for? I still miss the furry menace but you do manage to get on after a few weeks and next year it'll be with fondness you remember him rather than pain.

Fluffyears Mon 10-Aug-15 17:54:51

My dog knew her time had come, she'd been unresponsive all day. My dad carried her into the vets and she looked up at him as if to say 'I know, it's ok though' her little heart was giving out. It hurt like losing a good friend but now we talk about her in 'daft dog' terms.

paulapompom Mon 10-Aug-15 18:04:50

OP I am a completely ridiculous animal nut with a houseful of pets - you did exactly what you had to do, it was the right thing, but it feels horrible. What pp have said it will pass, but you're grieving now flowersbrew x

PingpongDingDong Mon 10-Aug-15 18:09:23

I'm so sorry to hear this op flowers
I feel tearful just reading your post. I absolutely adore my dog, we all do and the thought of her not being here is incredibly upsetting.
If the vets told you there was nothing that could be done I think you have to accept that's true. Your poor dog might have suffered a great deal of you'd not acted and I know you wouldn't want that.
Massive hugs to you though. I so feel for you x

EponasWildDaughter Mon 10-Aug-15 18:21:47

flowers

All these posters are so right. You have done the right thing and the hurt will ease. It's such a hard part of pet ownership.

I sobbed the whole 35 minute drive to the vet to get my incontinent cat put down and sobbed all the way back again. I cried so hard i had to pull over. I felt just awful. I'd agonised about what to do with her. We'd tried so hard, but just couldn't cope with her as ill as she was and i was hating to see her suffer.

I had her as a tiny rescue kitten before i'd been married or had kids. When she passed at 19 years old she'd moved house with me three times, seen me married twice and seen me have 3 children grown to teenagers. She was my friend.

sad
<sniff>

TruJay Mon 10-Aug-15 18:34:40

fluffyears "it's better a day too soon than a day too late" this is most definitely true.

Eponas that's what it's like for my mum, she's on her own and lost her mum under a year ago and now she said she's lost her best friend and as silly as it may sound she said who is she going to talk to now, her house is so empty.

I don't want to mop my kitchen floor as I have his paw prints on it from the past couple of days/last visit.

Your words and stories are comforting though ,thank you and I know in time we'll remember him by only his fab times with us and not this past weekend.

We're going to scatter his ashes, when they're ready, at our favourite walking place.

I think it's because he was so huge (Alsation cross) that you truly notice he's gone, he'd just barge into us on arrival, the big lump smile

Pandora37 Mon 10-Aug-15 18:37:39

I'm so sorry about your lovely dog flowers. I do think you did the right thing though. When I was younger, I had a family dog who was very ill. Really skinny, constantly wet herself, walked endlessly round in circles, never wagged her tail, her eyes were blank. Sometimes she didn't even recognise me. It was awful. I did say to my parents she should be put down but they didn't want to. Eventually, my parents changed their mind but she died the morning she was due to be put to sleep. I still feel guilty that I didn't push them harder to get her put to sleep, she had a really miserable end. I know my parents feel guilty too.

TruJay Mon 10-Aug-15 18:44:40

Oh pandora that is sad. I'm really sorry.

The one thing we always said was we couldn't watch him suffer and the change from Thursday to Sunday was so significant that deep down there really was no coming back for him, he was at the end. It's upsetting seeing him his normal self on Thursday morning though to the massive deterioration in a few days, still in shock.

Sorry everyone who have lost their lovely pets flowers

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