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To think that if you're in a restaurant garden surrounded by children, you should try to swear less?

(159 Posts)
BooChunky Mon 10-Aug-15 13:37:18

Yesterday was my mums birthday lunch, and I took my DD's (4 & 2) and we sat outside on an allocated table.

It was lovely weather here yesterday and there were loads of families with children around.

There was also one table of men around 40, and every second word was f**k or c**t. I'm not generally precious about swearing and have never brought it up as an issue if a friend or anyone has accidentally sworn in front of my children, and I'm sure I've done it myself and not even realised, but this was obscene. The conversation was so loud and raucous and everyone was looking over and a lot of parents were clearly not happy.

One woman with children of similar ages to mine asked if she could be moved inside and the waiter apologised but there wasn't a table large enough currently available.
She asked if perhaps the group could be spoken to, and the waiter said he couldn't do that. In fairness to him, he was quite young and I think in my waitressing days, I would've found them intimidating.

But AIBU to think that these people should have shown some respect for the families sitting nearby even if no one spoke to them? Just thinking about it now and it ruined my mums lunch really, as after finishing main courses my parents just wanted to go because they didn't think it was appropriate for the children.

(Or am i being precious?)

GeorgeYeatsAutomaticWriter Mon 10-Aug-15 13:39:05

Why didn't you speak to them yourself?

Crispyjoyluck Mon 10-Aug-15 13:40:38

Id have spoken to them and used my best steely glare. IME they stop when shamed a bit.

SylvanianCaliphate Mon 10-Aug-15 13:41:24

This is a growing issue, there are hardly any non family places left.

It used to be the pub was the place to decompress but now they all have restaurants and allow kids.

BooChunky Mon 10-Aug-15 13:41:26

If it had been just DH and I with the kids, one of us probably would have, but my mum didn't want to say anything, and they were quite a large intimidating group.

Rubbishfeminist Mon 10-Aug-15 13:41:49

Why didn't you go over and ask them to tone down the language yourself?

Rubbishfeminist Mon 10-Aug-15 13:43:04

Your mum didn't want to say anything but it ruined her day? confused

Rubbishfeminist Mon 10-Aug-15 13:43:49

If someone was ruining my day, I think I'd probably go over and say something.

Reignbeau Mon 10-Aug-15 13:45:59

YANBU, some people are just arseholes with no consideration. They shouldn't have to be told not to swear loudly with young children around. If you weren't willing to ask them yourselves (I can see why tbh) I'd have been asking for the restaurant manager to tell them.

sebsmummy1 Mon 10-Aug-15 13:46:26

To be honest I get sick of some conversations where every other word is a swear word and I'm an adult. Its coarse and unecessary, same as spitting in the street or rearranging your scrotum in public.

I would have probably just left but I suspect you weren't in a position to do that. Otherwise you could have gone inside and asked to speak to the manager, he may have been able to accommodate inside or politely have a word with the table and ask them to speak quieter due to complaints.

WorraLiberty Mon 10-Aug-15 13:47:14

YANBU

But I can't believe there were all those parents there, and not one of them said, "Oh hi. I hope you don't mind me asking, but can you keep the language down a bit in front of the kids please?" << Firm smile >> "Thanks".

Seriously? No-one?

msrisotto Mon 10-Aug-15 13:48:34

I very rarely notice what people at other tables are saying, and in a way, it was none of your business. I'm not saying YABU but....i'm not sure they were either. If they were disturbing other guests then the restaurant probably should have asked them to keep the volume down a bit, but they are paying the same as you to be there...

Reignbeau Mon 10-Aug-15 13:48:49

To be honest I get sick of some conversations where every other word is a swear word and I'm an adult

^This.

My neighbour is incapable of having a conversation without everything being fucking this and fucking that. It sounds really thick and chavvy IMHO.

BooChunky Mon 10-Aug-15 13:50:15

No one did while we were there, but the woman who asked to be moved and asked for them to be spoken to did so loud enough for them to hear. And it didn't make a difference. Maybe they were spoken to after we left. An elderly couple picked up their stuff, gave dirty looks and went inside. But as I said, there were a lot of them and I honestly don't think they cared one bit.

EatDessertFirst Mon 10-Aug-15 13:50:32

One of you should have said something. But I understand why you didn't. The staff couldn't have done anything as it is not their place, and they won't be getting paid enough for what could be a gobful of vileness if they do say anything voice of bitter experience.

However, a pub is ultimately an adult establishment. If you don't like sweary adults, go somewhere child-orientated.

BooChunky Mon 10-Aug-15 13:52:00

msrisotto - it was impossible to miss. They were so loud, shouting stories at each other and laughing...

'And he fucking said this, so she fucking said that, the fucking cunt... Hahaha!'

Seriously. It was ridiculous.

daisydukes229 Mon 10-Aug-15 13:52:59

If you had said something and they had refused to stop I'd think YANBU

Since nobody said anything to them though I think YABU.
People just don't realise sometimes that they are being out of order.
9 times out of 10 you get a sincere apology and an "I didnt even realise" and the language stops.

BooChunky Mon 10-Aug-15 13:53:40

If it was the evening and we took our children to a pub I'd agree with you that it was inappropriate for us to be there, but at 1pm on a Sunday afternoon in a restaurant section? I think that is family orientated.

WorraLiberty Mon 10-Aug-15 13:54:00

Dirty looks, speaking loudly in front of them etc, is all very silly behaviour and not adult like at all.

Crispyjoyluck Mon 10-Aug-15 13:55:14

I dont get why you didn't say something???

NewLife4Me Mon 10-Aug-15 13:55:52

I would have said something, but been very polite and reminded them that kids were about.
It's not difficult, how intimidating could they have been?

BooChunky Mon 10-Aug-15 13:56:06

Well, it is what happened.

GeorgeYeatsAutomaticWriter Mon 10-Aug-15 13:56:22

If it was that bad, I can't understand why you didn't speak to them.

Fishwives Mon 10-Aug-15 13:56:27

This exact situation happened to me last weekend - with DH and three year old DS having lunch in a rather genteel pub garden, when a large table of men beside us got very loudly sweary. I asked them politely to tone down the language, and they did. One or two were nice and apologetic, at least one was eye-rolling and sarky, but they did swear considerably less.

Why on earth didn't any parent ask your swearers to stop?

I think in the case of our neighbouring table it was a combination of them probably not having children and being thoughtless about language, and a bit of a disconnect between the idea of pub outside space being for smokers (hence adults) but also it being the only part of the large garden where they would serve food, which is why we were there, the dining room being too formal for a toddler.

BooChunky Mon 10-Aug-15 13:58:05

Because it was my mums birthday, so we were there for her to have a good time, when DH said (quietly) how annoying they were, or my stepfather or I made a comment about someone leaving (the elderly couple), my mum asked us to leave it. Being confrontational would've upset her more than leaving ultimately.

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