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WIBU?? I don't think so!!

(19 Posts)
Fizzielove Mon 10-Aug-15 12:06:01

I have (had) a friend from primary school, her parents were friends with my parents a long time ago! Friend is now an alcoholic, I have tried and tried to be there for her and support her, get her help, support her mum, etc. but she just keeps on drinking.

Anyway my dad died last Sunday and I told her mum who in turn told her daughter. She then text me to ask could she call round. I politely told her no not today I'm not up to it. But she called anyway!! So drunk she could hardly stand! Wanted to come in and wasn't very happy when I said no I told you not today and we are all eating our dinner.

Fast forward to today. She's now using me as an alibi or whatever. Telling her mum she's been at mine when she's obviously been out drinking. She has an on again off again bf who beats her and is in the paramilitary thugs ! I do not want anything to do with these people.

Her mum is just off the phone asking me have I seen her this week cos that's where she said she was!

WIBU to tell her no she wasn't here and that I don't want her to call here either given her drinking and who she is associating with?? I have enough on my plate with 2 small kids and my dad dying thank you, I don't need anymore drama in my life!

StanSmithsChin Mon 10-Aug-15 12:08:22

YANBU to say the truth to her mother. I am sorry for your loss OP.

What is a paramilitary thug confused

Icimoi Mon 10-Aug-15 12:10:21

So sorry about your father, OP. I agree you don't need any more on your plat right now and should prioritise yourself and your family.

Not only would you be reasonable telling her mother the truth, I think you have a duty to do so, not least to save your friend from herself.

DadfromUncle Mon 10-Aug-15 12:11:45

Yanbu alcoholics can be very difficult to help. Ywnbu on this occasion.

Mermaidhair Mon 10-Aug-15 12:12:38

flowersim sorry you lost your dad. You definitely have to much going on now to deal with your friend. She is obviously in the throes of a serious addiction and cannot be there for you. I would let her know that you don't want her visiting. Only you know how she will react if you tell her mother the truth of where she has been. Is she the type that will turn up and abuse you? She needs help, but you are not the one to give that to her right now. Concentrate on you and your family.

LeafyLafae Mon 10-Aug-15 12:56:20

Sorry for your loss.
Covering for her is not doing her any favours - she needs help & if she's not listening to you, maybe she'll listen to her family, but they'll not know things are bad if you cover for her.

TeaPleaseLouise Mon 10-Aug-15 13:02:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigbumtheory Mon 10-Aug-15 13:18:29

YANBU OP. She is not someone who would be any help or support for you right now, in fact she has and will only cause you stress and upset.

Fizzielove Mon 10-Aug-15 13:20:29

Thank you validating my actions, I was feeling a bit guilty tbh.

TheHouseOnBellSt Mon 10-Aug-15 13:21:22

Tea no...I'm from the NW and that's not a phrase used for criminals.

TeaPleaseLouise Mon 10-Aug-15 13:32:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GeorgeYeatsAutomaticWriter Mon 10-Aug-15 13:32:50

NI, not the NW TheHouse

TeaPleaseLouise Mon 10-Aug-15 13:35:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aramynta Mon 10-Aug-15 13:40:26

thanks OP, having my own alcoholic troubles right now, too.

You have nothing to feel guilty about at all.

sadwidow28 Mon 10-Aug-15 15:23:16

Fizzie I am so sorry to hear of your loss. To lose a parent is a terrible thing - I know. You and your family need time to make arrangements and to grieve appropriately. Grieving is a long process with many stages and you don't need an alcoholic friend to disturb the journey you have to face.

I had an alcoholic brother who came to live with me when his DW couldn't allow his behaviour around their DS any longer. I kept him away from other people's children (I don't have any children of my own, hence I gave him a home for 2 years.) Alcoholism is not something I wanted my DNeices, DNephews and friends' children exposed to. It is ugly, embarrassing and unpredictable. It was even a struggle to keep him sober before he had his supervised 3 hour access with his DS.

Your friend has already proved she has lost her social boundaries - not least of all by turning up at your house when you explicitly said she was NOT to.

Do not expose yourself or your family to this 'friend' any more unless:
- you hear that she has been sober for at least 12 months;
- changed her associates; and
- you want her back in your life.

Take care flowers

Griphook Mon 10-Aug-15 16:45:46

Yanbu, she makes her choices, don't feel guilty.

Crinkle77 Mon 10-Aug-15 16:47:13

No don't lie for her.

SuperFlyHigh Mon 10-Aug-15 16:52:58

sorry for your loss. flowers

best thing to do in this situation is distance yourself from her and her family, don't lie to her and don't feel any need to be close/there for her as you were friends as kids.

Fizzielove Mon 10-Aug-15 17:17:11

Yes NI

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