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AIBU?

AIBU about retirement age?

45 replies

MiddleAgedandConfused · 10/08/2015 10:19

DH and I are at the age where we are starting to talk about retirement.
DH is 3 years younger than me and mentioned that he would retire the same time as me. His reasons are:

What would I do all day without him?
He is a man and will die before me.
His pension pot is bigger than mine.

I don't see why I should have to work 3 years longer than him.
Who is BU?

OP posts:

Report

VinoTime · 10/08/2015 10:24

I don't see why I should have to work 3 years longer than him.

Is it a competition?

My thoughts? Retire when you can afford to retire. If he can afford to retire three years earlier, then what's the problem?

Lokisglowstickofdestiny · 10/08/2015 10:25

Statistically he is likely to die before you so retiring at the same time will give him a better chance of the same amount of retirement.
If he has a bigger pension fund it will be affordable for him to retire at the same time as you.
I'm not really sure why you have an issue with it - did you want some peace quiet on your own before he retires?
My DH is 3 years older than me, we will likely retire around the same time, he hasn't told me I have to keep working for another 3 years. To be honest if he did I would tell him to get stuffed!

32percentcharged · 10/08/2015 10:27

Well, you can't argue with reason 3) can you? If his pension pot is bigger and he can afford it, why shouldn't he retire? You sound envious that he has a better pension than you do

MiddleAgedandConfused · 10/08/2015 10:28

Vinotime It's not a competition. But it is 3 more years of hard work.
We have shared money so if he can afford to retire at one age, then I should be able to retire at the same age.
I don't know why I feel this is unfair, but I do!

OP posts:

MaxPepsi · 10/08/2015 10:29

YABU

DH is 5 years older than me. I will be retiring the same time as him.

in 5 years

He is happy for me to do this. He'd happily let me finish work now if we could afford it.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 10/08/2015 10:30

If you can afford for him to retire at the same time then why not. You want to enjoy the freedom of retirement whilst you are both in good health and can enjoy it. Did you want some time to yourself or are you resentful that he will work fewer years than you?

MiddleAgedandConfused · 10/08/2015 10:32

I have been the main bread winner for all but 2 of the many years we have been together - sometimes by a lot, sometimes by not so much. I went self employed when I had the kids and he has been able to keep a 'career' in big companies which is why his pension is better - just good luck, not more planning or saving.
We've never had separate money, so splitting it off now to say he can afford to retire at one age when I have to work another 3 years seems against the grain of how we have lived.

OP posts:

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 10/08/2015 10:33

X post
If his pension pot is bigger is it because he has worked in a more pressurised job or because he started work earlier or has fewer breaks in his career history?

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 10/08/2015 10:33

DH is 14 years older than me, I'd love to retire when he did

In reality, while he will retire at 60 latest, I'll be working until 67ish thanks to pension changes!

When I'm 67, he will be 81!

If you can both enjoy retirement together, then do. It isn't a competition and it isn't about everyone having to clock the same number of years working. Look at the recent changes in pension age, those just starting their career now are shafted compared with those nearing retirement age right now.

mrssmith79 · 10/08/2015 10:34

DH retires in 4 years, I've got 31 years before I can retire. Could possibly drop to p/t in about ten years. It's crap. No constructive advice OP, am just having a cathartic whinge .

MiddleAgedandConfused · 10/08/2015 10:36

ChazsBrilliantAttitude - I do feel resentful that I have to work longer than him. I'll get to 62 or whatever age he would be able to retire at and go into work for those next three years until I'm 65 feeling like it is unfair.

OP posts:

OllyBJolly · 10/08/2015 10:37

DH is 10 years younger than me. He plans to retire at 55 on a decent pension.

Due to time out of the workplace, changing jobs, self employment etc my pension pot is pretty crap. However, I don't see myself ever giving up work completely because I love what I do.

The thought of him sitting in the house all day watching sport and science fiction will probably send me crackers. I do anticipate it being quite a challenge, especially as I'm mainly home based.

32percentcharged · 10/08/2015 10:37

why is his pension pot bigger than yours though? I would guess he's either worked more years full time than you (despite the fact you're older?)
Or, if youve both worked the same number of years then maybe he opted for a career which has a great pension, which often comes at the expense of something else? Eg Many gold plated public sector pensions are the trade off for lower earnings than one could make in the private sector. Or maybe your DH was really canny and started a pension at a very young age? Ultimately there are reasons why at 3 years younger than you he's in a better position to retire. That doesn't make it inherently unfair. I speak as someone whose pension took a knock because I worked part time for 4 years when my kids were pre schoolers. The way I see it is that I got the benefit of that while DH was still working f/t. Id feel a bit daft if I now complained because my pension is a couple of thousand less per year

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 10/08/2015 10:38

I can understand where you are coming from and on one level it doesn't seem fair. However, would it better if he retired at the same time, are there things you want to do as a couple?

MiddleAgedandConfused · 10/08/2015 10:40

ChazsBrilliantAttitude - he worked 2 years less at the start of his career because he messed around at Uni and took 5 years to graduate. I had a 3 month work break for DC1 and 6 months for DC2 - hence there are 2 years when I earned less than him.

OP posts:

Charis1 · 10/08/2015 10:42

YABU. I can't imagine what your objection is.

32percentcharged · 10/08/2015 10:43

X posts there
So presumably you went self employed after having kids because of some advantage to your life style? Lower childcare bills/ no NI payments? Better work life balance?

My point remains: we all make decisions based on various factors. As I said, I dropped to 3 days a week while my children were pre schoolers. That benefited me because it was nice to have more time with them. The downside is a few years part time have dented my pension . It's not 'luck' as you're trying to make out. You could have carried on working as an employee in a multi national company full time and youd have the same pension as your DH!

MrsTedCrilly · 10/08/2015 10:44

I think this is a strange thought process.. He's your husband, not a colleague who's getting to retire earlier than you. He wants to enjoy retirement with you. I really wouldn't care about this.. I'm a sahm, if my partner said I needed to make up my shortfall in old age then I would be shocked.. Are you worried about money?

Rubbishfeminist · 10/08/2015 10:45

YABU. You should retire the minute you're possibly able to. Does it matter if you've worked longer than DH? Or DH has worked longer than you etc.? You're a team aren't you? So surely the prospect of spending the rest of your lives hanging out together is better than the prospect of you lumping around on your own waiting for DH to catch up?

MiddleAgedandConfused · 10/08/2015 10:45

His pension is better than mine because he stayed in big companies when I left to become self employed to fit in around the kids.
Payments in to my private pension were restricted by the government for many years to a max of £3600. He benefited massively from the huge pension holidays that most big companies had in the nineties.
It is just pure luck that his pension is bigger than mine, but the key point is we have never viewed any financial asset separately - we have 2 pensions that are 'ours', not one each.

OP posts:

MrsTedCrilly · 10/08/2015 10:47

Actually take that back, even being bothered about a colleague would be odd.. Everyones lives are different, some work harder jobs than others so do their years at work count for more than someone with an easy job? There's just too much to consider..

SamJohnsonsBoy · 10/08/2015 10:49

We have shared money so if he can afford to retire at one age, then I should be able to retire at the same age

I cannot follow your reasoning here OP. Your personal money may be shared but your pension pots most definitely aren't.

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MiddleAgedandConfused · 10/08/2015 10:49

MrsTedCrilly - not worried about money - just grumpy I have to work 3 more years than him!

OP posts:

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 10/08/2015 10:50

I do sympathise as I am the main breadwinner and DH works PT in his own business. He has been able to spend the whole summer holidays with the DC, I get 2 weeks. It doesn't feel fair and sometimes I feel quite resentful. However, I also try to consider the practical implications of DH having a FT 9-5 job. My life would be harder because DH wouldn't be able to cover holiday, sickness etc.
I think it might be worth weighing up the pros and cons of all the options e.g.
You both retire on the same day
You both work until you are 65
A compromise where you retire at 64 and he retires at 63 (or similar)

MurielWoods · 10/08/2015 10:50

YABU

DH is 8 years older than me and is hoping to retire in about 8 years time when he is 60 (before, if we can afford it).

I will probably want to keep working for a while at least as I am home based and my business is flexible but he would be very happy for me to retire at the same time as him which will mean I will be 52.

If you can both afford it, than why not.

I don't understand your reasoning tbh.

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