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(stbx)mil cut dd's hair

(47 Posts)
whogrewoutoftheterribletwos Sun 09-Aug-15 14:05:28

Please give me some perspective here:

Kids were away at their gm's for a holiday. Got back yesterday. Discovered she had taken it upon herself to cut dd a fringe. dd is 2 and had never had a haircut up until this point. She had no split ends and it was growing out. stbxh claims it's because she decided it was in dc's eyes (it naturally swept to the side and out of her eyes). It's also been done badly and is awkward around the sides and not completely straight. AIBU to think she's completely over-stepped the mark, as she does NOT get to decide what my dd looks like? I'm really pissed off about it. I possibly might be over-reacting though as I am a complete mess at the moment

OTOH she has form for this - dressing ds in the most god-awful clothes, combing his hair into ridiculous side partings, deliberately over-ruling/ignoring my wishes on various things (not appearance related). I've told the dc's father to tell her I'm really unhappy about this and not to dare do it again

LastingLight Sun 09-Aug-15 14:14:43

Did she ask the father's permission first? If he told her she could do it then you can't blame her. Otherwise YANBU.

yogababymum Sun 09-Aug-15 14:15:21

What a bitch, id call her & tell her yourself. Exh will prob not bother, especially if he's the wank that let her do it.

laffymeal Sun 09-Aug-15 14:15:54

I would be very upset at this.

It happened to a friend of mine. Her MIL took her DD out for the day, got her haircut and her ears pierced. Couldn't understand why friend wanted to kill her (MIL, not DD, lol).

This woman had form though. They went on holiday once and MIL had their house painted and decorated to HER taste whilst they were away, she was a bono fido bonkers, kangaroo loose in top paddock nutjob.

Penfold007 Sun 09-Aug-15 14:17:46

Whilst I understand your annoyance your post suggests that your children's father gave his mother permission to cut your child's hair. As their father he can make such decisions when he has care of them.

TenForward82 Sun 09-Aug-15 14:18:02

I would be upset too, a haircut is a big thing. However your reaction depends on how much you want to fall out about it.

I know it's not the point, but can you fix the wonkiness of it?

PegsPigs Sun 09-Aug-15 14:21:09

First haircut is a big deal YANBU. Cutting in a fringe is a big choice for her parents not her DGM to make.

thecatsarecrazy Sun 09-Aug-15 14:22:22

My mil is the same. Took my son to visit Santa before I could, gave him his first hair cut, got very put out when me and dh bought the boys an outfit each for my bil upcoming wedding because she said "she would do it". Seeing as her outfit for mine and dh wedding cost £1.50 from Primark I didn't want to take a chance wink. As annoyed as you are now you will get over it, her hair will grow

lessthanBeau Sun 09-Aug-15 14:22:41

I would hit the roof if anyone, even dh, decided to have DDs hair cut without consulting me, YADNBU! although I am quite anal about DDs appearance, because she doesn't care how I dress or style her I have carte Blanche for now, I have a grown up DD so I know this won't last long so I'm enjoying it while I can. I once had a dream where sil had taken her and had her hair cut and I was furious even when unconsciousconfused

waitaminutenow Sun 09-Aug-15 14:30:20

Yep....I would hit the roof!! And of dh had any involvement he'd better start running!!!! YADNBU!!

whogrewoutoftheterribletwos Sun 09-Aug-15 14:31:08

I don't think her father gave express permission. I think it was when she was looking after dd and took it upon herself to do it. Glad I'm not being entirely U

avocadotoast Sun 09-Aug-15 14:37:24

YANBU, I'd be livid.

ProcrastinatorGeneral Sun 09-Aug-15 14:38:42

I'd be stratospheric at this, absolutely raging and she would get a very unpleasant if perfectly polite and calmly delivered speech from me on the merits of backing the hell off.

As for the woman who got a child's ears pierced without consent, I'd have her cautioned for bodily harm and I'd have had the piercing studio hauled up in front of the authority for allowing a non-parent to sign the forms.

Who the fuck do these people thing they bloody well are?!

BitOutOfPractice Sun 09-Aug-15 14:45:45

God I'd be LIVID but if your exH said it was OK you are stuck I'm afraid

purplepandas Sun 09-Aug-15 14:46:03

I would be livid too Op. YANBU. Your MIL is totally unreasonable and out of order hugely.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 09-Aug-15 14:49:30

Mothers don't have total veto over everything. MN is a strange parallel universe sometimes and it makes me absolutely cringe. Mothers are not automatically the Uber parent where there is another one and children are not possessions.

OP... even though this will be your EX MIL at some point, she will always be your daughter's grandmother and her father will always be her father. Do make an effort to maintain those relationships - for your daughter's sake. If you don't like something they say or do then say so, calmly and firmly if necessary, but you don't get to dictate everything in your daughter's life where she has another parent.

Bellebella Sun 09-Aug-15 14:51:41

I would be livid, it's a big thing a haircut and one only the parents should do imo. I could not stand my mil overstepping the mark like that.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 09-Aug-15 15:00:54

OP doesn't like the way MIL dresses the child either. I lost sympathy at that point. It's just another MIL bashing-thread, I think.

pretend Sun 09-Aug-15 15:06:22

It's a trim and it'll grow back. No biggie.

If I wanted her to grow it out though I'd mention it and let her know she's not to cut it in future.

It's a haircut, not FGM.

Theycallmemellowjello Sun 09-Aug-15 15:10:00

I have one that age and never thought of 'first haircut' as being a thing, I have to say. It is a bit prickly of her to have done it, but tbh she probably just genuinely thought it was getting in her eyes, rather than it being a power play. And are you certain DD's father didn't approve it? I think I'd probably just tell her you'd rather take care of this stuff yourself in future.

ReginaFelangi Sun 09-Aug-15 15:16:19

I'd have hit the earth's outer atmosphere.

DD cut herself a fringe age 3. Her hair is really long and even 18 months later it doesn't blend properly with the rest.

ollieplimsoles Sun 09-Aug-15 15:32:08

Nope. Nope. Nope.

Would go ballistic at this. And I would tell her myself, would not just do it through ex husband

whogrewoutoftheterribletwos Sun 09-Aug-15 15:42:46

OK - asked exdh. No permission requested or granted. Took it upon herself. I know that she will always be the kids' gm and have a place there. stbx and I are maintaining a friendship because we think it's important for the dcs that we get on, even if we can't maintain a marriage. However, I do think this was over-stepping the boundaries and am really cross about it

In response to the 'mil-bashing' thread pp - the reason I don't like the clothes she chooses are because my ds arrived back 2 years ago from a visit in a lurid green shirt with purple pinstripes, neatly buttoned all the way up and tucked into a pair of barely fitting tight white jeans. Stbxh agrees with me on her 'dress sense' for children, especially after being subjected to it himself as a child.

FluffyMcCloud Sun 09-Aug-15 15:48:31

My MIL did this. She was looking after my son and cut his fringe, then DH told me he had done it cos he knew how angry I would be with MIL. It was really wonky and shit too.

But what was funny was at a family gathering the next day my sister asked me who had cut Ds fringe and I said it was my DH, my sister started saying "haha it looks awful look how wonky it is" my MIL overheard and said "actually I cut it". Hilarious. And so horribly awkward for everyone, my poor sister, stupid lying DH and MIL chopping my baby's hair without permission!

I told MIL i had no idea she had cut it and it surprisedme that she had as it wasn't the kind of thing I would expect someone other than a parent to do, and it was a shame because I had liked it longer. She never did it again. (She also hasn't really bothered much with any of us since!)

Pumpkinette Sun 09-Aug-15 15:51:41

My mum took it upon herself to cut DD a fringe when she was 2. I went mental with her and she genuinely couldn't see the problem (using the it was in her eyes excuse). She hasn't tried anything like that since other than buying DD 2 Shetland ponies without asking me first

First haircuts are a big deal so you have every right to be upset over this OP.

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