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Am I or is my ex?

(22 Posts)
CharlieBear15 Sat 08-Aug-15 21:31:33

In nearly a year. He's hardly been interested. Now he has a new gf (3monthe) he all of a sudden wants to be this amazing "father".

Iv been asking for weeks for some money to help pay for school stuff, but he says he can't afford it. Yet next week he's taking the kids Cadbury world with his gf and her kids.

He asked to have the kids this weekend "to prove he can look after them on his own and to bond".

Turns out they have been out all day with his gf, didn't have tea until 9.30pm and are now sleeping at his gfs!

I'm so angry.

I know I have no right saying what or who he does with the kids, he sent me photos earlier, after they had played in a lake IN THEIR CLOTHES AND SHOES!!! They have then had to wear the same clothes all day!!!!

bringthenoise Sat 08-Aug-15 21:39:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Sat 08-Aug-15 21:49:57

Maybe more clueless than unreasonable?

It doesn't sound like he is the most useful father.

And yes, if you are concerned about their care/safety, then you can say who they spend time with.

I would not be happy leaving my kids with someone they don't know! I would at least want to meet the new GF, with the dcs beforehand.

Just hope this new wave of interest passes soon...

CharlieBear15 Sat 08-Aug-15 22:07:44

Split up due to domestic violence.

Dd said yesterday that she was upset because he doesn't seem to shout or throw things at other people like he did to me.

Thing that hurts the most, is when the kids are around him, my son especially, seems to go over the top by telling him how much he loves him.

He was/is a rubbish father. Threatened to run me over in front of them, hit me ECT with them in the house.

I tried to stop contact but getting sick of the threats. Plus my DP has been in their lives for 7 months now (took a year to introduce) and I'm sick of the abuse.

I don't trust him at all, and him sending me photos of the kids with Her today didn't help.

They are going out tomorrow with her ds who she doesn't have custody of.

ReginaFelangi Sat 08-Aug-15 22:10:25

I would not be happy leaving my kids with someone they don't know! I would at least want to meet the new GF, with the dcs beforehand.

The OP has no legal right to request/insist on that.

bringthenoise Sat 08-Aug-15 22:25:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chubbleigh Sat 08-Aug-15 22:30:55

You don't get to 'vet' you ex partners new girlfriend as suggested, what would you find out anyway? If you did you couldn't object if he wants to check out anyone you might want spend time with. TBH you've got years of this in front of you, so you are going to have to learn not to sweat a lot of it. Don't send them to their dad's in any clothes you don't want lost or ruined, give them a healthy meal and an early night when they get back. The money, you can only go for a decent amount on a regular basis and not one thing at a time, negotiating is frustrating quite often pointless. I let a load of stuff go, not for his sake, but for mine, I can't get wound up on a weekly basis, it's just not worth it. Every now and again I put my foot down about something.

CharlieBear15 Sat 08-Aug-15 22:33:51

He doesn't pay a penny, which is why I asked for help towards the uniforms, only asked for £50 even though Iv spent £200 x

They are only 5&7 so I'm not sure why the youngest says it so much. I think they are scared of him.

Even today he started screaming at me for "being a bitch" before he took them.

chubbleigh Sat 08-Aug-15 22:39:23

Didn't see your post about the DV. It's all part of his act really isn't it. If he winds you up he is in control, don't let him, keep your head and keep your nerve and keep a close eye on him.

paulapompom Sat 08-Aug-15 22:47:49

OP, I bet it won't be long before the 'new' gf is subjected to dv (when she's not new anymore). Don't think he'll change. I d keep a record of concerns with dates etc. and just keep reassuring the dcs flowers

paulapompom Sat 08-Aug-15 22:52:38

Also the constant I loves yous from ds could be ds way of convincing himself that he's happy to see dad, or he could be trying to please his dad as the relationship dosent feel secure. Would you like to meet the gf.?

CharlieBear15 Sat 08-Aug-15 22:56:45

Not really, she threatens me through ex lol. They are both as bad as each other tbh

chubbleigh Sat 08-Aug-15 23:00:49

In that case you need some proper advise, that's not on, your children should not be witness to that. It was like that for me in the beginning but I made sure it stopped. I had a solicitor and family support and I was determined but it was very difficult to keep my head at times.

butterflygirl15 Sat 08-Aug-15 23:01:19

I would put in a claim for child maintenance and contact Women's Aid for advice. If he is screaming at you at pick up then he really needs limiting in some way.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Sat 08-Aug-15 23:02:43

One of the suggestions my solicitor gave me after my split was that I asked for help at certain times. School uniform was the given example!
Xp pays nothing for the dcs. And the elder one knows that!
When we met his new partner, xp kept trying to force 10 year old ds to kiss and cuddle this strange lady he had never met before. Ds was pretty good, he simply said no, thank you. And shook her hand instead.
And Xp has been trying to arrange one of his infrequent contact days with me, while fighting with NW, both on texts. So we heard about the physical fight and his pathetic apology when he got confused about who he was texting...

CharlieBear15 Sat 08-Aug-15 23:03:27

I put a claim in for csa and he kept threatening me to have me killed because he couldn't afford it. I gave let the police know every time yet they do nothing

butterflygirl15 Sat 08-Aug-15 23:12:53

bloody hell - have you ever spoken to Women's Aid?

And the claim is still ongoing?

maddening Sat 08-Aug-15 23:43:01

Record every pick up and contact - it may help you in future actions if the chance arises.

RainbowRoses Sat 08-Aug-15 23:51:14

I would stop the contact.

You don't trust him and they are staying in this woman's house who you have never met and she threatens you as well.

textfan Sat 08-Aug-15 23:53:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Balanced12 Sun 09-Aug-15 07:34:22

Like textfan says also in my experience courts are very much contact time is with dad if they art with him they should be with you.

With DV this may not be suitable and you do need to seek 'formal' advice but can you not remove yourself from drop offs and pick ups stop your contact with him and get CSA to sort monies. It's exstreme but I moved not seeing them and no communication (let him send letters via your solicitor) helps get you thinking space and removes their control.

If you think there are safeguarding issues then speak to a solicitor if it is deemed that there is not he can take the children where he likes and organise there time as he likes

Surprised at the length of contact time though I went via courts no DV just incompetence and he was give 10-4 every other Saturday.

flowers good luck

Balanced12 Sun 09-Aug-15 07:35:54

*arn't *their

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