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Being blanked in a conversation

(23 Posts)
madeitagain Sat 08-Aug-15 20:55:48

I went to a social event recently it was work related. I haven't worked at this job that long.
When I arrived (on my own) there was no one I knew particularly well. One of my work colleagues approached me and we were having a chat. Another woman came up and introduced herself to my colleague. She was from another company which is under the same management. We have quite a it to do with this company.
The woman completely blanked me out. She didn't bother introducing herself to me instead she sort of stood side on and addressed the conversation to my colleague. I was totally shocked and really upset. Later I felt really angry that someone could be so rude. I moved away from the conversation when I could see what was happening. It wasn't really a setting where I could say anything to the woman and I don't know if it would have been a good idea anyway.
I would like to get some feedback from anyone who has had a similar experience and if so, what if anything, they did? I am likely to come across this woman in the future. She is in a senior position which involves establishing and maintaining relationships! I am in a reasonably senior position at my job.

lostinikea Sat 08-Aug-15 21:01:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sat 08-Aug-15 21:06:23

Your OP is quite robotic, are you so tense yourself?

MrsTrentReznor Sat 08-Aug-15 21:07:05

Old school friend did this to my DP at a wedding.
I was hoping we would all get along fine and catch up. She didn't want to know. Her loss. The hairy lipped bitch. grin

Asleeponasunbeam Sat 08-Aug-15 21:12:31

SanDiego? What do you mean by robotic? Just the short sentences? That's just a writing style, surely? You can't judge OP's character on that!

OP, she sounds rude. It's quite common. I use those experiences as a reminder not to be like that myself.

lavenderhoney Sat 08-Aug-15 21:12:40

Don't accept her on linked in for a start! Ever!

And I would have walked away, got a coffee / drink and looked about me for a new person to chat to, even gone to the loo and said whilst washing hands " oh, how interesting, I see from your badge you work for x! Come and talk to me about it-"

Your co - worker was an arse for not helping you. Remember that when they want your help.

Asleeponasunbeam Sat 08-Aug-15 21:13:23

They're not even short sentences really. Just a pleasant, clear style. Weird comment.

Katie2001 Sat 08-Aug-15 21:20:41

Sometimes people are in 'business mode' and are so focussed on their target they forget all social niceties. Your colleague should have introduced you. Next time, as PP has said, leave but say 'excuse me, we'll catch up again later' politely but clearly. You are definitely NBU.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sat 08-Aug-15 21:51:08

Not a weird comment <shrugs shoulders> , just an observation smile

SirChenjin Sat 08-Aug-15 21:56:14

I have a boss that does this - she even does it to us when we're out at meetings where she pretends not to know us. None of us can figure her out - I think it might be her way of asserting herself and reminding us of our place, but I'm not sure. People who do this tend to have the social skills of a dead dog.

That robotic comment was weird - there wasn't even any context, just an accusation, designed to do what, exactly? confused

Aeroflotgirl Sat 08-Aug-15 21:59:07

Op is fine still. Woman was very rude op, not much you can do.

fishfacedcow Sat 08-Aug-15 21:59:08

now you see, as soon as I realised who she was, i would have introduced myself to her.

she has appalling manners, but you didn't have to lower yourself to her level.

nickelbabe Sat 08-Aug-15 22:00:14

was the colleague male or female?
more senior than you or junior?

CamelHump Sat 08-Aug-15 22:02:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhitePhantom Sat 08-Aug-15 22:04:48

What fish said. Put your hand out and introduce yourself in a very cheery manner. That'll show her

fishfacedcow Sat 08-Aug-15 22:11:02

it really makes no difference who the person doing the snubbing is... OP allowed herself to be snubbed.

In all my 'years of being snubbed' no-one has been rude enough to snub me once I had taken the initiative and introduced myself. It seems if they dont know your name, then you 'don't count' but once they have been told your name, and it doesn't matter who by, then you suddenly become a person rather than background.

Hobbes8 Sat 08-Aug-15 22:12:14

My old boss did this to my husband. We were invited to a couple of out of work events - a 40th and an informal wedding celebration for a colleague who married abroad. There were a few of us from work who I knew and my husband didn't know any of them. I introduced him and people were chatting normally. I went to the loo and when I got back my boss had somehow edged him out of the circle and was standing with her back to him blocking him from conversation. So weird! Then when we went to the second event (I can't remember which order they were in) she did it again!

I think in her case she was really socially awkward. They'd all worked together for yonks and knew each other's partners and I only worked there for around a year.

madeitagain Sat 08-Aug-15 23:39:10

The person I was with didn't know her either. She introduced herself to my colleague whilst sort of excluding me from her line of vision. Yes it is true I could have said 'And I am so and so .......' . However I didn't stand there not making an effort to include myself in the conversation. I politely added comments and (I do, I think, have reasonably good social skills) made a real effort to be included in the conversation. At one point I asked her a friendly question which was answered with a monosyllabic reply. i think I was also completely appalled by her rudeness,

SirChenjin Sat 08-Aug-15 23:48:54

It is incredibly difficult to regain your composure after a snubbing, force yourself into a conversation and introduce yourself to some who is determined to exclude you by turning their back and not pausing for breath.

SirChenjin Sat 08-Aug-15 23:50:45

And actually, why would you want to? Let them display their ignorance in public and pity them for their lack of social grace.

brittabot Sun 09-Aug-15 00:04:23

Some very odd responses here - no need to introduce yourself to your own boss? And as for the person who feels their husband was sidelined at drinks? In my (former) workplace drinks were for bonding, if anyone invited a partner (which they wouldn't have) it would be for them to look after. Just wouldn't have happened tbh.
Sounds like an odd and awkward situation at your work.

brittabot Sun 09-Aug-15 00:06:40

Sorry much of that was to Hobbes8 not OP, sorry.

Hobbes8 Sun 09-Aug-15 10:27:05

I think the oddest response is yours, Brittabot. It wasn't workplace drinks, it was a wedding to which he and other partners were specifically invited. And I did look after him, but I also had to wee, and it was really odd behaviour of my boss to deliberately stand in front of him with her back to him, thus blocking him from making normal conversation with others.

Anyway, my point to the OP was that sometimes in these situations there's nothing you can do. It's more about the other person and their social inadequacy than about you. It sounds like you handled it pretty well actually.

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