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AIBU?

Dads staying over night

458 replies
OP posts:
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Sirzy · 08/08/2015 16:54

Link doesn't work but assuming it's on maternity units in most cases I am against it.

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OddBoots · 08/08/2015 16:56

Fine, provided there is an entirely separate ward for women who don't want overnight visitors.

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KungFuhrer · 08/08/2015 16:56

Hate the idea. I would cause hell if they tried to put me on a postnatal ward with men sleeping over night.

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thatsn0tmyname · 08/08/2015 16:59

Maternity wards are a circus without men staying over. I definitely wouldn't vote for it.

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LittleMissStubborn · 08/08/2015 17:03

I can see both sides, but I think overall I am not so sure on an 'open' ward. My dh said with my 1st and 3rd but that was in a mw unit in a private room. He didn't with #2 as I was on the ward, I wouldn't have minded my dh with me, I am not sure I would want to have that and up to another 5 men.

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SoggyBottoms · 08/08/2015 17:05

Totally against it. Terrible idea.

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SideOrderofChips · 08/08/2015 17:06

i'm sure we've had this before. But i would hate it.

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SideOrderofChips · 08/08/2015 17:06

if women want their partners in over night then they should be prepared to pay for a private room.

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Sirzy · 08/08/2015 17:08

I also think that when their are potential abuse cases that "no partner" time can be of vital importance to staff being able to offer access to support. It may be rare but I think that alone time can be so important in that.

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daisydukes229 · 08/08/2015 17:08

I don't have an issue with it (and tbh I don't understand why so many people do)

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 08/08/2015 17:08

Urgh no, it's a really bad idea assuming that this is a 'ward' we're talking about without separate private rooms.

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cherrybakewelltart · 08/08/2015 17:12

I didn't even realise hospitals had post natal wards Blush, the thought fills me with dread. Yanbu.

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Finola1step · 08/08/2015 17:16

The post natal ward I was on with ds was really cramped. Just about enough space for me and a cot. It was Sunday afternoon, kids running up and down the corridor. Lots of crying babies and new mums. Too much for me so I discharged myself. Then had a homebirth with DD.

Having Dads stay in overnight will only work if mums are in individual rooms IMO. Also I think in many situations, especially if the woman has had a long, night time labour, its a good idea for the Dad to go home. He needs a decent night's sleep so that he can run around after his partner and new baby.

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MrsGentlyBenevolent · 08/08/2015 17:17

There was a thread a few weeks ago that shocked me as a first-time pregnant woman, about partners being allowed to stay on the ward. Now, I'm so lucky not to have a fear of strange men due to abuse, but even I know post birth, I will feel quite vulnerable and exposed. I can't imagine trying to get to grips with breastfeeding, being a new mother, the personal issues, with strange men around all the time. It's also a huge deterrent to those who are suffering abuse, those few hours away from the partner could be a godsend, even an opportunity to tell someone. You 'need' your partner, all the time, after birth - book a room. It's really unfair on other women, otherwise.

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MissBattleaxe · 08/08/2015 17:18

I don't have an issue with it (and tbh I don't understand why so many people do)

Because women recovering from childbirth don't want to sleep in the same room as several other women's partners during such an intimate and sometimes traumatic time. I would have thought it was obvious.

I say yes as long as the women who want them there pay for private rooms, otherwise no overnight partners on a ward.

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Lweji · 08/08/2015 17:20

I really wouldn't want visitors overnight on a multi bed ward. It was heaven for me when everybody left and I could rest in peace after having ds at 2am and not having slept much the previous night.
In private rooms, the mother should have whoever she wanted.

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ArendelleQueen · 08/08/2015 17:22

I don't understand how this can be in any way fitting with the NHS's policy on ensuring same sex accommodation.

If people can't realise why they wouldn't want a strange man in close proximity to them when they are at one of the most vulnerable points in their lives, then I despair. Hmm

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addictedtosugar · 08/08/2015 17:30

Assuming the "mixed" facilities and women and baby bits are separated, and there is enough space, its worth a try, but there is no way I would want to be in hospital with a newborn, while DH was at home with the other kids, and a strange man next to me.

Interestingly, I had to stay in overnight with DS1 recently, and while the Dads and siblings popped in, it was as Mum who stayed the night. I don't know if the kids DS whose father stayed were in a different bay? The kids were a gregated by age and a X as far as possible ( so we had 3 boys, all around 5 or 6 yrs old) and that was enough. I can imagine 4 or 6 mothers, babies and father's in one room trying to sleep.

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Nyborg · 08/08/2015 17:31

The NHS should be funded so that postnatal wards are small, cool, fully staffed and quiet. Mine was none of those things. I'd had an appalling birth throughout the previous night, then a PPH, and had been in an amenity room until another woman's baby had to be moved to SCBU and she, rightly, got it. I couldn't stand. I could barely lift my head. I was still on monitors and throwing up. I was on, I now realise, a paltry combination of pain meds. There were some night staff, who would occasionally take crying babies away from mums but they were otherwise absent. My DH did every feed (I was too unwell even for BF support) and nappy change - I couldn't lift DS from his crib.

My DH stayed, didn't sleep (nor did I) and still it ranks as the worst night of both of our lives. Ideally he'd have gone home safe in the knowledge that DS and I were resting safely, but that wasn't an option. I feel awful that him being there might have distressed some other women, but I think my newborn DS would have been unsafe if he had.

It's not as simple as a preference for some women.

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LokiBear · 08/08/2015 17:31

I wouldn't vote for it either. I wouldn't have wanted dh to stay the night. That was special time for me and dd. He was under strict instructions to make sure the house was tidy for when we got home.

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LittleMissStubborn · 08/08/2015 17:34

My ds was admitted over night with dh, I was at home with a 10day old. They were in a private room. When I stopped with dd1 I was on a ward.

I hadn't really thought about the why's and what nots before.

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Hare5260 · 08/08/2015 17:38

I'm married to another woman, would you be as quick to say no if it was her staying with me, given that she is as much Mum to our baby as I am? Not trying to flame, just looking for perspective.

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SeafrontDreams · 08/08/2015 17:45

Our local midwife unit has individual rooms so fathers can stay with their partners and babies there, I think it is acceptable then. The closest big hospital has post natal wards, 6-8 women on a ward, I think it would be too crowded and not acceptable there. I would feel comfortable

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daisydukes229 · 08/08/2015 17:46

But why?
You're already staying in a room with strangers, it shouldn't make a difference what sex they are. I don't see why it should be obvious, I just don't understand why there is an issue.

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KungFuhrer · 08/08/2015 17:46

I wouldn't want anyone who isn't a patient staying over night on a hospital ward Hare

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