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To be dreading leaving my baby in a creche?

(68 Posts)
ApocalypseThen Sat 08-Aug-15 10:28:32

Baby will be eight months when I go back to work in February so I've started looking at crèches. The best local ones are already booked up so I'm mildly fretting about leaving her in the ones no one wants. We're not local here so I can't rely on the local information I'd have at home.

Anyway, one of the crèches I'm due to view is part of a chain featured in a documentary about creche standards. It was not the same branch, but it was horrific to watch. What I don't know is how to judge what I see - maybe the same things happen everywhere?

How do you get over the stress of leaving your pfb at the mercy of strangers and how can you tell if whether a place is ok?

formerbabe Sat 08-Aug-15 10:30:19

Do you mean a nursery?

tootoomammy Sat 08-Aug-15 10:38:32

You can never tell what they will be like and no stranger will give your baby as much care as you do.

ApocalypseThen Sat 08-Aug-15 10:39:25

Yes, the terms tend to be used interchangeably where I am.

formerbabe Sat 08-Aug-15 10:42:36

you can never tell what they will be like and no stranger will give your baby as much care as you do.

So...what do you suggest for working parents then?! about a childminder instead? I had a great one when I went back to work...I visited about 5 different ones and went with the one I felt most comfortable with.

ApocalypseThen Sat 08-Aug-15 10:44:59

You can never tell what they will be like and no stranger will give your baby as much care as you do.

Well I wouldn't expect them to care the way I do, and I wouldn't really be comfortable if they did. I know she could do with variety and new people and even an environment less focused on her.

Even benign neglect would be fine with me. The capacity of people to be cruel to vulnerable people in their care bothers me, though.

Lj8893 Sat 08-Aug-15 10:46:11

Arnt crèches childcare for short periods? Like in gyms, shops etc?

My dd went to a nursery one day a week for a year whilst I was at college, I was nervous about it too. Visit d a couple of nursery a which I just didn't get a good feeling about, but when we visited the 3rd nursery we just knew it was the one, we loved it! And she loved it once she started there, I was sad when I had to take her out of there when I finished college!

queentroutoftroutss Sat 08-Aug-15 10:46:29

Childminder or nanny?

ApocalypseThen Sat 08-Aug-15 10:48:00 about a childminder instead?

You know me I'm thinking about it. The problem I have is that so many of them have small children themselves and I don't want my child to be in someone's home on unequal terms every day.

LovelyBranches Sat 08-Aug-15 10:53:57

I'm in the same position OP. Also tootoo's point really isn't helpful.

I have visited the nursery, I have met the people who will be looking after my child and I've been there when the children are going about their day. I had a general feeling that it looked fun, safe and caring. I asked detailed questions about food, hygiene, how they encourage the children to play and interact and how they manage conflict. I felt satisfied by how well they answered and how available and accommodating they have been.

It's so hard isn't it? I don't want to leave my baby at all.

formerbabe Sat 08-Aug-15 10:54:22

You know me I'm thinking about it. The problem I have is that so many of them have small children themselves and I don't want my child to be in someone's home on unequal terms every day.

It's just about finding the place where you feel most comfortable.. It's like a gut instinct.

I visited lots of nurseries previously.... There was one I saw where I felt I could never leave my child there and some I saw i thought were absolutely amazing! Same with childminders. You just have to visit as many as possible.

Artandco Sat 08-Aug-15 10:56:54

I would look at some form of home childcare like nanny or childminder. A childminder will likely have own children but they really end up putting cared for children before their own if anything rather than the other way if anything. A childminder can be really good as just a few children with one carer so they get a closer bond and more tailored needs

Can you afford a nanny? Or a live in nanny will be slightly cheaper

maggieryan Sat 08-Aug-15 10:57:21

Its always horrible leaving your child behind the first few days. But a lot of people have to do it including myself. I've had my 3 in creches since they were small. Two eldest in school now but youngest(3),still at creche. I'm lucky because its always only been part time. Go down and chat with the staff in the creche, ask for a copy of their guidelines. Write down all your questions re staff ratio, activities, nap times and just get a feel for the place. How do you know noone wants to use these crèches? I bet they have tightened up their practice after the documentary. I personally prefer a creche to a childminder. I feel at least with a creche they have different activities each day and there's always couple girls in room at any given time. I had a childminder years ago and I know I was probably unlucky but found out she was using my phone ring her sister in australia, I also had a sister in Australia so she probably thought I'd never find out but I got itemised bill and the times she was on phone was when she was meant to be looking after my son. Anyway my little one skips in every day and loves playing with her friends. Best of luck

MomWhereIsMy Sat 08-Aug-15 10:57:25

Crèches are nurseries in Ireland.
Op I would choose the one you feel is your gut instinct, toys and furnishings in good condition, look at the cots to see are they clean. Also u will see by the staff, genuine smiles, relaxed attitude and how they greet your baby.
Not to mention the children are not distressed, obviously there will be one or two crying smile

I know the chain you are talking about and it was awful but not all childminders and child facilities are like that.

MomWhereIsMy Sat 08-Aug-15 11:00:26

Unfortunately they didn't tighten up their practice as the same facility had a lapse in security a few months later.
However parents still send their children to the others in the chain so they must be ok

Iggi999 Sat 08-Aug-15 11:03:42

Waiting list for a better nursery? Do you need to go back at 8 months? I found it a bit easier leaving them when they seemed a bit less vulnerable (and much easier once they start to talk and can tell you how they're feeling).

Thancred Sat 08-Aug-15 11:15:19

maggieryan, if this person was using your phone then I presume she was working from your home? In this case she was not a childminder, she was a babysitter. Childminders work out of their own home.

I'd recommend a childminder, OP. You have smaller ratios with no more than one child under the age of one allowed at any one time (excluding special circumstances like twins) and no more than three under the age of five. It's a home environment so your DC gets to experience all of the usual day-to-day activities such as school run, playing in the garden, going to playgroup, and so on. In addition to this, childminders are trained to deliver the EYFS portion of the national curriculum so should be offering a wide mix of educational activities and experiences. All registered childminders are trained in EYFS delivery, safeguarding, paediatric first aid, food hygiene, and data protection. Childminders also tend to be more flexible than a nursery.

maggieryan Sat 08-Aug-15 11:19:12

Yes she was in my home but what's the difference? How can you tell what childminder does in their own home? They could be on phone for ages while little one is in front of telly. They mightnt do a lot of activities with them and a small baby can't tell yo . No I'd prefer nursery any day!

Thancred Sat 08-Aug-15 11:23:18

You're letting one bad experience sour your view of an entire profession and saying all childminders are like that is a sweeping generalisation.

The difference between someone who looks after your children in your home and someone who looks after them in their own home is that the one working from your home is not a childminder. A childminder is a trained, Ofsted registered professional who operates from their own premesis. There are childcarers who call themselves childminders but who are really babysitters, they generally come to your home and very often aren't registered, trained, or inspected.

Artandco Sat 08-Aug-15 11:26:32

Maggie - childminders cannot just be on the phone all day with little on in front of TV. They have lots of restrictions and guidelines now, and need evidence of activities daily and full on diaries daily to meet ofsteds requirements.

maggieryan Sat 08-Aug-15 11:37:55

Apologies, I shouldn't have made such a sweeping statement. Im talking ten years ago and my childminder was a lady that lived down end of my road and looked after kids and had a good reputation. I don't know anything about qualifications only that she came highly recommend. I think maybe childminder is used more freely where I'm from. Didn't mean to offend anyone but can see how I did.

Thancred Sat 08-Aug-15 11:38:18

You can tell what a childminder does in her own home because everything is documented and records are kept.

I have certificates on display showing that I am qualified, registered, and insured. My details are on Ofsteds website and the local councils website, showing that I am known to them as a registered provider. I am inspected and graded both by Ofsted and by environmental health, because I provide food I am classed as a food premesis. I am also registered as a data controller as I have access to personal information on my mindees.

I have written policies and procedures. I have written risk assessments. I have written contracts, child record forms, an accident book, prior injury record book, visitor record book, and an incident book.

I do written activity planning and activities are planned around the EYFS so that all areas are covered. All learning is play based and the activities often need to cover several age ranges. I evaluate the activities to assess how successful they were and to see if they need changing for next time. I keep records of the activities we do. I keep a learning journey for every child, this is a record book of their progress. I update it with pictures and I note down our activities along with things they've said, done, or achieved. I mark next to each entry which area of the EYFS this has hit and the age range of that particular skill. I do regular written progress checks against the framework to make sure that my mindees are progressing and that they are settled and happy in their learning. My 'next steps' planning is tailored to their individual interests and learning style. I complete a daily diary for each child to show their parent(s) what we've been up to. They often have artwork, baked items, models, or other things they've produced that they can take home with them. I carry out a development check at age two, just like the HV does, and provide a copy to the parents. I have to show to Ofsted that I am preparing children for school, educating them, and that they are happy, safe, and nurtured. In addition to all of this I keep my own books and do my own self-assessment returns.

All for the bargain price of £3.50 an hour.

Thancred Sat 08-Aug-15 11:38:38

Not offended smile

Zebrasinpyjamas Sat 08-Aug-15 11:41:55

It is really hard leaving your child wherever you pick (even when rationally you know it is a caring person/place). It gets easier after a few weeks though. I found it took me a month.

In terms of picking, ask lots of questions when you do your first visit and once you have chosen, spend as much time there in advance of leaving your cd. My DS' s nursery did afab settling in where we went 3x a week for a few weeks before he started for an hour of playing. It meant I got to know the staff really well and what they did in the day.

duckydinosaur Sat 08-Aug-15 13:06:47

YANBU - imo 8 months is far too young to be left with strangers. Is there anyway you could not go back so soon. Makes my heart cry to think of all these tiny babies left with totally strangers and not understanding why.

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