AIBU in being reticent in allowing 4yo DS to stay overnight with his father?
Context is history of DV, largely aided by alcohol. As well as threatening me in front of DS, XH also would regularly smash glasses / plates etc leaving them on the floor (and to which I would clear up so no-one would get injured). He would often pass out from alcohol and not get out of bed till midday next day.
XH is living with a couple of mates in a shared house (who I don't know) and I don't know where he lives.
At present contact is during the day, at a contact centre and is working well. Ex wants to move on to overnights.
I want DS to have the best relationship he can with his father so I have fighting to keep it to a time when I know Ex will be sober. Am I wrong in what I'm doing? There is no court order in place for any contact and mediation has broken down
I think you need to be certain he is able to stay sober before he can have your son to stay over. It doesn't sound as though you can trust him yet, so I think you are right to stick with what is working for now. If he sorts himself out properly in the future then you can reassess the situation then. Would it be possible for him to have your son overnight somewhere else you would be happier with, such as his parents house (so you know his parents are there just in case) for the first time he does it? YANBU your son comes first and his safety is paramount.
ok thank you. Contact is not court ordered, ex requested via mediation (I do know he loves him and vice versa) To clarify it is outside of the centre in that we use it as a drop off pick up. They have a nice time together but I'm very confident that Ex is not drinking during this time.
He won't at all acknowledge that his drinking is an issue, he doesn't drink first thing in the morning and it's not spirits. So in his mind no problem. So I can pretty much guarantee he would be drinking if he has DS overnight. None of his family nearby so that's not an option.