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To Have a Large Glass (BOTTLE) Of Wine And A Lie Down

(14 Posts)
queeneileen Fri 07-Aug-15 19:54:03

I've just deep cleaned my 13yr old DS bedroom whilst he's away on jollies as he's an utter scruff and found not one, not two, not three, but FOUR empty condom wrappers and a discarded johnny in his lego box.

Now, we've never had a girl in the house and I'll be sitting him down to let him know that it's ok but to use the bloody bin thanks, and if it's for posh wanks could he quit that and use a sock like everyone else, but WIBU if I have a large stiff drink, a lie down, and a quiet sob at the loss of my child and the arrival of a hormone-enriched teen?

He's 14 in December, is 5ft 10, wears size 10 shoes, and is all but a man, but waaaaaaah sad

Passmethecrisps Fri 07-Aug-15 19:55:26

Have a glass bottle of wine and relax.

My vote is posh wanks.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard Fri 07-Aug-15 19:55:58

It'll get worse before it gets better wine

Aaaagh at the Lego box. Confiscate it while he's away and have more wine

Kleptronic Fri 07-Aug-15 19:56:12

I sympathise. Mine's 11 5ft 3, size 7 feet and I dread the day. wine

Bullshitbingo Fri 07-Aug-15 20:00:39

Oh no! My ds is 9 mths old and I live in dread of this day!
flowers and wine for you

TurnOverTheTv Fri 07-Aug-15 20:03:32

Ooooh posh wank!

AngieBolen Fri 07-Aug-15 20:09:37

I had this.

Upon questioning the boy it turned out he had;

1. Bought them because everyone on the school bus had said you had to be 16 to buy condoms, and he wanted to prove them wrong.

2. He planned to blow them up and throw them out of the bus window.

The may well have been blown up, but they had never been out of a bus window.

DH assured me they were "empty". That bit hadn't even occurred to me!

He'd spent £5 of his birthday money on them, apparently.

And why the hell they don't use a bin I've no idea. Under the bed is not a magic place where things disappear. I will one day clean out and find the 200 Crunchie wrappers, 7 Pot Noodle pots and the rest......

queeneileen Fri 07-Aug-15 20:14:26

I've managed to clear out a massive bin bag of sweets wrappers and all sorts from under his bed. It's the tiniest room in the world too so Christ knows how it accumulates such crap without exploding out onto the landing.

Boys are odd things. Think these were my condoms from my bedside table, cheeky bugger.

Passmethecrisps Fri 07-Aug-15 21:19:03

I'll bet he was just curious actually.

I teach sex ed and most of the boys live for the week we do condom on a polystyrene willy. Anyone who believes that all teens are rampant sex-maniacs should watch their wee faces as they squeal and yelp at it being slimy and smelly.

And there is always one who wraps the whole thing down round the balls

queeneileen Fri 07-Aug-15 21:24:50

How on earth do you get a condom over a pair of knackers?!?!

paulapompom Fri 07-Aug-15 21:34:11

winewinewine have a lie down. I 've got girls, don't know if that's better or worse confused

Mrsmorton Fri 07-Aug-15 21:36:59

paula I have neither but I am assured on here that girls aren't all sugar and spice and all things nice...

paulapompom Fri 07-Aug-15 21:53:25

Mrsmorton - I'll drink to that wine

Passmethecrisps Fri 07-Aug-15 22:06:07

With grim determination and a serious desire to avoid all polystyrene-based sti

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