To feel trapped and helpless?

[5poundsofLazy]

I irrationally hate my job and want to leave.
I think I've always felt this way but I've side stepped around the company (change is as good as a rest and all that) which has kept the itchy feet at bay until the last 6 months or so.
Things are much worse since DP found a new job which comes with a big pay rise. I'm insanely jealous.
DP thinks my job is fantastic and says I'm crazy to want to leave. But it's in the public sector. We're working harder and harder because of the government cuts and there's not enough of us now to do our jobs properly. It is now expected for us to do overtime just to keep on top of things. Yes, the extra money is nice, but I object to feeling obliged to give up my spare time just because I'm having money waved at me! Aren't I entitled to a quality of life?! I feel tired, stressed and down all of the time. I want to do something with less responsibility, where I don't lie awake at night worrying about my workload.

My job comes with a decent salary, which is as much as I could ever hope to earn as I'm not qualified to do anything else. I never went to uni, which I deeply regret. There is a small part of me that still enjoys parts of my work, but I've lost all enthusiasm for it and can't seem to shake this feeling off, it's on my mind all of the time. I've tried exploring other career options where I can easily transfer my skills but tbh the other options are equally depressing.

I should probably be thankful for what I have. I own my own flat, have just got engaged, and we're trying for our first child. But this is where the problem lies. We're saving for a house so that we have space for a family. We need my salary in order to do that. DP spent ages looking for his new job to improve our situation as he was previously on low pay. If I leave my job for something else we will potentially be back to square one. Plus I wouldn't be entitled to maternity pay at a new job for god knows how long. But I'm 35 and can't put ttc on hold. I'd love to study for a degree to improve my situation, but I won't be able to afford to with a new house and hopefully a baby.

Aibu? Or does everyone feel this way in this day & age? Do I just suck it up and carry on?!

[SamanthaBarnesArtist]

I hear and feel your frustration.

I would probably crack on with the baby asap but in the meantime defo get on with studying for your degree. How about some courses around your degree - some preparatory studies? Shorter courses perhaps?

This close to beginning your family (hopefully) it will help you to have your job if you can hang on in there.

Is there any learning that you can do in your job with your companies help?

Best of luck

Sam

[5PoundsofLazy]

Thanks for your reply.

My company used to pay 50% of tuition fees which was great. I should have signed up a couple of years ago but I held off as I was at the time applying for my current position which required some specialist training.

With the government cuts they've stopped doing this now though. I.e, they will still agree to assisting for tuition fees but only to candidates with high potential, who are likely to climb the ladder. I won't fall into that category, I'm just an average (but hard working) employee but climbing the management ladder isn't necessarily something I aspire to do. I work with the public and would much rather stay in a public facing role than managing staff.

So I can still do a degree but I would have to fund this entirely myself, which I won't be able to afford for a long time! Preparatory courses are a great idea though, I will look into this

All I can hope is that I get pregnant soon and then once I have a baby my priorities will change. Hopefully work won't be as important any more.

I did a lot of thinking about it yesterday. I think all I can do is put more effort into distracting myself in my free time and doing things to help manage stress.