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One night of him has made me question our proposed wedding

(144 Posts)
MassiveFfingMug Thu 06-Aug-15 22:52:38

DP is going away tomorrow with his adult kids. I was supposed to be going too but decided not to - for one thing I didn't fancy camping and secondly I thought he could do to have a weekend with his kids and I could have a weekend with mine. He seemed over the moon with this and I was chuffed about the arrangements too.
Anyway knowing what an utter twat he can be and the way he loves a fucking drama and to make out that I hate him doing anything with his kids (despite me encouraging this weekend and various other stuff) I thought to myself earlier "I bet he tries to start an argument with me later". Just so he can say "you're in a mood because I'm going away with my kids".

Anyway - idea was that as we won't see each other after tonight until Monday - we'd share a glass of wine and watch a movie tonight. Wine is sat there and he comes in saying he doesn't feel well enough to drink alcohol (despite buying two packs of beer to go away with this weekend). Fine - whatever. He goes off for a shower and I poor myself a drink. He comes down and starts ww3 saying I'm out of order for opening a drink without him. I ask if he wants one - he says no confused anyway this ridiculousness continues all night until he outright refuses to share a wine with me. Fine, whatever. But no - as he's not getting a reaction from that he starts nit picking - snapping, sarcasm every time I speak ... I ask if he has called the doctor about his urine test and he bizarrely accuses me of checking his text messages. I've resisted the urge to react to his shit all night and he's ginally said IT ... "I've not prepared for this weekend because of you". I asked how it's my fault and he says "you wouldn't have been happy if I'd prepares stuff so I didnt". Absolute shit and you know what, I'm starting to realise that if faced with a lifetime of this or being a crazy dog woman --- give me the kennel number

MassiveFfingMug Thu 06-Aug-15 22:55:41

I was really looking forward to tonight. Snuggling on the sofa with him with a wine and a movie and he's been an absolute bell end all night. I've held back tears twice since dinner. I'm not giving him the satisfaction but I'm so disappointed and upset that he wants to argue with me and upset me on the night before he goes away. I don't deserve this.

HirplesWithHaggis Thu 06-Aug-15 22:55:51

Yes, call off the wedding. It never goes well with a gaslighter.

BIWI Thu 06-Aug-15 22:56:53

And his good points are ... ?

MurielWoods Thu 06-Aug-15 22:57:06

I wouldn't tolerate 5 minutes with him.

Marriage? No fucking way!

deshabille Thu 06-Aug-15 22:57:20

Why are you with him?

Littlefish Thu 06-Aug-15 22:57:36

Do not marry him. It will only get worse.

TracyBarlow Thu 06-Aug-15 22:57:58

He sounds like a real keeper hmm

Littlefluffyclouds81 Thu 06-Aug-15 22:58:58

Ummm, it doesn't sound like you actually like him very much.

On that basis I would advise against marrying him.

annandale Thu 06-Aug-15 22:59:23

My reaction to going camping solo with a bunch of kids would be to be a lot more grumpy than this.

Littleorangecat Thu 06-Aug-15 22:59:31

Why should you not have a drink without him?? He was spoiling for a fight.
Just go to bed and leave him to stew.
If he's like this all this time I wouldn't be marrying him.

PuntasticUsername Thu 06-Aug-15 23:00:37

I don't think he really wants to marry you and based on what you've said, I can't see why you'd want to marry him either. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but I think you're lucky all this has come to a head this weekend rather than further down the line. Have a good cry, then chuck all his stuff out on the front lawn thanks

NotSureAtAllNow Thu 06-Aug-15 23:02:17

He sounds like an emotional manipulator pushing buttons to get a reaction. Try to detach and look at him as a big toddler having a tantrum. Think about how the future will be. Is it worth it?

MassiveFfingMug Thu 06-Aug-15 23:02:39

Good points are far and few between these days. I don't get it. I keep going over the night thinking where it went wrong and it's honestly been a case of "whatever you say, will be wrong". All fucking night. We were also supposed to be celebrating me finishing uni tonight but as usual I'm sat here drinking on my own. I just KNEW he'd start tonight and I KNEW he'd try and engineer a conversation where he could make out that I'd tried to wreck his weekend.

WorraLiberty Thu 06-Aug-15 23:02:39

There must be a back story here OP

Why does he think you resent the time he spends with his kids? confused

Fishwives Thu 06-Aug-15 23:03:15

Why would you even consider marrying this man?

Glitoris Thu 06-Aug-15 23:04:05

You've seen the light now,don't ignore it.

He'd be the sort of husband to make you miserable....he's managing to do that anyway.Leave while you can.

thenightsky Thu 06-Aug-15 23:04:18

No way would I marry him.

Skiptonlass Thu 06-Aug-15 23:04:32

I couldn't be doing with the drama.

It'll only get worse you know...don't tie yourself to this man.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Thu 06-Aug-15 23:04:40

What strikes me about this is you know this is what he does. You were mentally prepared for it. You have prior experience of this. So it is him rather than a random reason for his utter twattishness.

This is him. Do you want this? Forever?

hesterton Thu 06-Aug-15 23:04:43

Don't marry him.

Don't marry him.

Don't marry him.

Don't marry him.

MassiveFfingMug Thu 06-Aug-15 23:05:16

He's done it from the very beginning of our relationship ... Tried to make out that he's the almighty perfect father and I'm the ogre that tries to ruin things. In reality he's a lazy bastard, feels guilty about it and projects it into me.

NickiFury Thu 06-Aug-15 23:06:06

Have you posted about this man before? It all sounds very familiar.

MassiveFfingMug Thu 06-Aug-15 23:07:30

Example -

Me - "why don't you take your boys out for a drink on Father's Day?"
Him - "umm might do"

Father's Day ........ Nothing .....

Few days later ...
Him "you hate me spending time with my kids!" Oh fuck off

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Thu 06-Aug-15 23:08:33

Oh, so you stoke the limelight, and tonight was about you? And you have deserted him this weekend, and now has to entertain his own kids (and not have a lie in while you cook breakfast, afternoon kip and a few beers later) .... why didnt you say?

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